They suffer from a disease?

Old 10-14-2013, 01:42 PM
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There are groups out there which organize to change the US penal system you might look it up and maybe join one of them, get involved become an agent of change instead of a victim of circumstances.
The justice system is nowhere near perfect, especially for juveniles, but Carlotta's advice is good. I hear so much anger in your posts. Anger at everyone except your son. And I can relate to that. My children are younger, their offenses not criminal, but I do blame their alcoholic father for breaking them emotionally; I blame myself for not having given them what they need to be functioning teens and young adults. You blame the penal system. Same thing, different outside force to lay the blame on.

There are so many different things that contribute to making us the people we are. But, as I said to my high schooler last night, ain't a thing in the world another person can do to help you if you don't make the decision to help yourself, darling.

I think that's all people are saying, Upset. That the power really is in your son's hands to turn his life around. That every morning we wake up, despite what life has thrown our way up to that point, we have a choice. To continue on the path we're on or to find a healthier one.

And that's al Al-Anon is saying to us, too. I know that "God helps those who help themselves" is not in the Bible, but I do believe that God can't help those who don't want help. God works with the willing, regardless of how much of a wreck we may have made of our lives.

And that's what I've done. Put my life out there and said "God, I made a mess of this. I made a mess of my kids' life. Help me. Because when I was trying to be in control of things, it didn't turn out so good."

Regardless of whether you stay with your church solely or give Al-Anon a try, I pray you find what you need. And I will tell you what I have said many times before -- having a spouse with an addiction is horrible. Yet, I believe having a child with an addiction is so much more difficult for a person. And so I pray that you will find peace, whether or not your son gets his life straight.
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Old 10-14-2013, 03:07 PM
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My son was convicted of "Armed Robbery Of A Financial Institution" Is that suppose to be a life sentence? It wasnt designed to be but it is. Who do think is paying for his ankle bracelet? Not us, I have no money. Why not give these men a program while incarcerated? I need emotional help with people I relate to. Many here have loved ones misbehaving w drugs. I don't relate because my son is the "worst of the worse"
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Old 10-14-2013, 03:21 PM
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Also try googling post prison rehabilitation and see what local organizations are in your area and get involved.

Ps: I just wanted to add that I happen to also be an alcoholic in recovery. I have met some people in AA with good recovery, who are pilars of society and have a felony in their past. They found recovery and moved on and moved up. No one did it for them.
Different people have different bottoms. I work with homeless people and many still keep on using/drinking even after having lost everything. For some people, hitting bottom is death. I have lost friends to alcoholism and unfortunately, there is nothing I could do.
I am powerless over alcohol.
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Old 10-14-2013, 03:21 PM
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I was of the understanding opportunities were afforded the incarcerated, but the inmate must often seek them out.

the state has failed to rehabilitate him, now what?

I know people who have been felons and went on to make good lives - these people did it for themselves. Example: Mark Edge, host of radio show "Free Talk Live" spent a good length of time in jail as he was an accomplice to a murderer - there when it happened. He now lives in NH with his wife and son, productively and peacefully on a voluntary basis with his neighbors, in good standing in community. Mark wanted the change though. No job, education, or whatnot will change the desire of the addict to use. Addiction is both a poor and rich mans game.
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Old 10-14-2013, 03:33 PM
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I don't think your son's situation is hopeless, but I do know that dwelling on the past is not going to help him or you. The past is over and done. Your son has served his time and did not receive any help while doing so.

I get how completely and utterly furious you are about your situation and your son's situation....I think we all hear the frustration and anger and fear in your posts. Your son should have been given addiction counseling and job training while in prison. I wish that he was...I wish many prisoners were helped, instead of simply housed away from society (although there are some who truly do need to simply be housed away from society--but that's another story).

Tragically, in your son's case, that did not happen.

I wish I could change the past for you, but I can't.
I know you wish you could change the past for your son, but you can't.

The only thing any of us can deal with is today, right now.

Right now, your son has the choice to begin again. He was not given the tools while in prison, but that does not mean that he can't acquire them now.
He can take life as life comes and make better choices when presented with obstacles.
He can look for another job that will allow him to work and NOT violate the mandate of the ankle bracelet.
He can look for face-to-face support for his struggle with addiction.
He can look for programs to help him free himself of his gang involvement (and I do know they have those in that part of the country).

I hope that tomorrow will be a little brighter for you both.
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Old 10-14-2013, 03:44 PM
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seren, my biggest concern is that he will hurt someone else. He has a dangerous attitude and I'm afraid for others. I did cal his parole agent so I'm hoping he will get caught. He called me so high I cant understand him and I'm scared for me and the public in general.
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Old 10-14-2013, 03:47 PM
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I'm so sorry, upset. Can you keep your phone by you at all times in case there is trouble? I hope you will call 911 if you have to....maybe his parole officer will have him picked up.

I just hate addiction so much!!!!
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Old 10-14-2013, 03:56 PM
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Seren, I won't let him in my house. He is well known with the local police. I think they are even afraid of him cause they he likes guns.
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Old 10-14-2013, 04:16 PM
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I did some searching and came up with several programs that were afforded to him. It was easier for him NOT to apply himself.

IDOC: Programs
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Old 10-14-2013, 04:22 PM
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Boxin, I 've read your posts and with all due respect I'm confused. Your husband could of killed people on his bike yet you feel it's not a big deal? Thank god, my son never put anyone on the road at risk. Yet, you think it's okay? My son never got a DUI or anything like that. Hopefully, we are all here for support?
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Old 10-14-2013, 04:32 PM
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I was always with him growing up and taught him whats right and wrong.
my son was a habitual criminal since he was 10yrs old.
These two don't go together.
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Old 10-14-2013, 04:38 PM
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I found what I was looking for. All he had to do was request it and WANT it.

Programs & Family Services : Addiction Recovery Management Services Unit

AND, my husband gets to work at the DOC. He's never put a gun to ANYONE's face. I'm sure your son has driven drunk just like all our alcoholics/addicts. My husband is paying for his consequences for being a dumb f'ing drunk with a need for speed and buzzed riding. He could have ended up right along side your son in a 6x9 cell because he STOLE someone's life! You apparently did not get it the last time when I told you him KILLING someone was at the top of my fear list just like your son jacking someone is at the top of yours. I'm trying to help you not be WHOA is me. Your son was allotted help and he refused it.
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Old 10-14-2013, 04:41 PM
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If you have a problem with the way your son was treated, I suggest you call the IDOC and state your case.

Community Resources : Constituent Services
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Old 10-14-2013, 04:50 PM
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When you stop making excuses for that *man* and let him do his own life, the way HE wants it... you will feel a lot better about yourself than making a big fuss over how he was denied rehabilitation that HE did NOT want!

You'll start living when your addict is sitting around wasting away and YOU'RE making plans on how YOUR future looks without them because I did a lot of it from July-September!
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Old 10-14-2013, 05:24 PM
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Many inmates will not qualify for programs based on their poor behavior. I am quit familiar with the DOC in your state and I suspect your son's behavior or lack of interest was what stopped him from getting services.

Also, no one made you put money on his books. It's not a requirement. Or is taking collect calls or visiting. You chose to do this. You chose to allow him to be paroled to your home.

I suspect that it was always his friends or teachers, etc fault....never your sons. Perhaps if you stopped enabling him, took responsibility and accountability for your choices and allowed your son to do the same, there could be a healthier ending at least for one of you.

P.S. I am Christian and attend church faithfully. Fortunately, I have a pastor who guided me in a positive direction to learn to stop many of my own unhealthy choices, One of which was enabling.
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Old 10-14-2013, 05:35 PM
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Okay people, enough already. There is no benefit in repeating the same advice over and over again.

Step away from the computer, take a walk around the block, get some fresh air. Come back tomorrow and find some _other_ thread where you can post without getting personal.

Mike
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Old 10-14-2013, 07:09 PM
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OK everyone. I think it's time to call it a night. This thread is closed, several posts will be pulled in violation of SR Rule 4.
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