Katchie

Im looking up alanon meetings I might be able to attend, but I don't want my husband to know I'm going to do this. Is this wrong? Why should he know because this is for me?
Thank you for your input!

Carlotta

I think your recovery is your recovery, nothing wrong with you not wanting to share it with him...

Shadydeal

If you prefer not to tell him then I see no reason to tell him. Your recovery and education is your responsibility.

HopefulinFLA

I told my AH that I was going to Al-Anon meetings, and he's been very supportive of it. If you don't want to though, I don't think you should have to. It's your business.

Recovering2

AlAnon is for you. I don't know your AH, but if he wouldn't be supportive I wouldn't tell him. You're doing something positive for you, and for your relationship, but he may not get it. Besides, you're an adult, you get "me" time.

Hammer

Yunno, "anonymous" is part of the name of all of this.

There is Anonymous, and then there is Super Anonymous.

Sounds like you are thinking going Super Anonymous.

That is . . . . Super.

So when and if you come in the door wearing a wig, big sunglasses, and a trench coat . . I may think it is you, but I will not know and not talk either way.

Maybe see you there tonight or tomorrow or . . .

Just flash me the secret SR hand sign, and I will know you are one of us.

But to answer your question -- yes, you do not have to tell hubby nor get his permission. Promise.

isitme

When I first started attending Al-Anon I decided not to tell my AH either. I was going at lunch time and I figured the same thing. This is for me and it's really not "about" him. I went for a few weeks and at which point I decided I was going to continue and it would be something I wanted to do with frequency. That's when I decided to tell him because I felt like I was sneaking around. (He calls me quite a bit during the day so I was starting to do some white lies about it.) When I made the choice to tell him I was at a point where if he flipped out then that would be one more justification for me to keep going and potentially end the relationship. When I told him he was actually very supportive. It doesn't mean it hasn't been thrown in my face once or twice. But he has accepted it pretty easily. Much better than I would have thought.

Do whatever feels right for you. But you don't have to tell him if you are not ready too. ((hugs))

Yurt

Katchi,
I struggle with this issue as well. In order for me to attend a meeting, I will need to travel t the next town (only 15 minutes), but my AH wants an accounting of all of my time. I have not yet been ready to tell him that I need this. Not ready for the confrontation. I agree with everyone though, that attending will undoubtedly help recovery. Best of luck, and please share when you make that first meeting.
Yurt

Katchie

Ok... I went to my first meeting, I cried , a lot and you made me giggle...thank you!

Recovering2

Hopefully that is the first of many AlAnon meetings for you!!!