Alone with your thoughts...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 109
A couple of things really help me when I'm feeling this way. One of them is to talk to a good friend/family member. Through my whole breakup ordeal with my XABF, my mom and my close friend were the two people I turned to the most because they were always patient and understanding. However, I think there is such a thing as talking "too much" about it all....
And in that case, writing in my journal has been a lifesaver. For the first couple months after the breakup with my XA, I always kept a notebook and pen with me in case the anxiety was unbearable. When that would strike, I would stop and write whatever was on my mind. I would instantly feel relief! I've struggled with anxiety for most of my 20's now, and I've come to value writing as the best medicine for me....I'm not a MD, but it has honestly helped me more than any medication I've tried.
And in that case, writing in my journal has been a lifesaver. For the first couple months after the breakup with my XA, I always kept a notebook and pen with me in case the anxiety was unbearable. When that would strike, I would stop and write whatever was on my mind. I would instantly feel relief! I've struggled with anxiety for most of my 20's now, and I've come to value writing as the best medicine for me....I'm not a MD, but it has honestly helped me more than any medication I've tried.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Buffalo, ny
Posts: 66
Over the past week about five people have told me to write to feel better. I might try it. I need a distraction. Any other ideas that have worked for anyone? Books/music/activities? I need to get some ideas together and just try them because if I'm having a tough time being alone these past few days. I'm ok when I'm with people during the day but not doing well alone at night...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
I take my power back.
I am sure you have seen the movie, Dirty Dancing and the one line I just love.........
"Nobody puts baby in the corner."
This is all about you now, You and you alone are responsible for your own well being.
You sound like a very sweet and sincere person, you just have to believe in yourself here, take a huge leap of faith and go and reintroduce yourself to the world. There are thousands and thousands of available men who would be honored to have a committed partner. ( I'm not saying do this today, just a future option , this is not the end , it's a new chapter )
I am sure you have seen the movie, Dirty Dancing and the one line I just love.........
"Nobody puts baby in the corner."
This is all about you now, You and you alone are responsible for your own well being.
You sound like a very sweet and sincere person, you just have to believe in yourself here, take a huge leap of faith and go and reintroduce yourself to the world. There are thousands and thousands of available men who would be honored to have a committed partner. ( I'm not saying do this today, just a future option , this is not the end , it's a new chapter )
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 57
I get out on my bicycle (weather permitting) and explore somewhere new in or around my city.
Walking is always good, maybe take a camera along and practice taking artsy photographs? I tend to ruminate when I walk, so the camera excuse helps keep my mind focused on something other than my problems. Here's some basic photography composition tips for taking great pictures: Top 10 Photography Composition Rules
Walking is always good, maybe take a camera along and practice taking artsy photographs? I tend to ruminate when I walk, so the camera excuse helps keep my mind focused on something other than my problems. Here's some basic photography composition tips for taking great pictures: Top 10 Photography Composition Rules
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 57
Another thing I do is cook up a storm - I'm just finishing up a crockpot Thai-style curry recipe as I type. It's delicious and spicy as heck!
I need plenty of tricks up my sleeve to keep myself from getting overwhelmed by thinking too hard sometimes!
I need plenty of tricks up my sleeve to keep myself from getting overwhelmed by thinking too hard sometimes!
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 179
I've been struggling with this too. Things that have helped: going to the gym, riding a bike, reading good books (I've read more in the past two month than I have in years), calling friends, and spending time with my friends and their young kids (it's nice to spend time with people who I cannot talk about my adult problems with). I still have plenty of too alone with my thoughts time though. I'm trying to just breathe through it as suggested.
This is something I did when I was a hot mess after a very painful break-up (I described earlier).
It is something like a wailing wall. I allowed myself to fall apart crying and feeling all the pain of the loss for one hour in the evening (I worked a very demanding job during the day--where I had to put on a smile and attend to the needs of others). I would fill the bathtub with a few inches of cold water and sit on the side of the tub with my feet in the water--and let all the pain in my heart come to the surface---and the anger would come rolling out, also. I would cry and say all the angry things and --literally wail.
I allowed one hour's time--I never made it that far--more l ike twenty minutes at the worst. Gradually, the time lessened. I just did as much as I felt like at the moment.
During the rest of my time I tried to not think about him and the relationship--saving it for the evening wailing wall. I wore a rubber band around my wrist during the day to remind myself not to obsess.
I also tried to rely on comedy--watch funny movies and comedians every chance I could get. I lived for Saturday Nite Live--LOL. Laughter actually changes your brain chemistry.
The wiling wall thing actually incorporates behavior modification principles which there is not enough room to go into, right now--but it works. I promise.
dandylion
It is something like a wailing wall. I allowed myself to fall apart crying and feeling all the pain of the loss for one hour in the evening (I worked a very demanding job during the day--where I had to put on a smile and attend to the needs of others). I would fill the bathtub with a few inches of cold water and sit on the side of the tub with my feet in the water--and let all the pain in my heart come to the surface---and the anger would come rolling out, also. I would cry and say all the angry things and --literally wail.
I allowed one hour's time--I never made it that far--more l ike twenty minutes at the worst. Gradually, the time lessened. I just did as much as I felt like at the moment.
During the rest of my time I tried to not think about him and the relationship--saving it for the evening wailing wall. I wore a rubber band around my wrist during the day to remind myself not to obsess.
I also tried to rely on comedy--watch funny movies and comedians every chance I could get. I lived for Saturday Nite Live--LOL. Laughter actually changes your brain chemistry.
The wiling wall thing actually incorporates behavior modification principles which there is not enough room to go into, right now--but it works. I promise.
dandylion
I'm prone to terrible anxiety when I'm alone with my racing thoughts, and try to distract myself in any way I can.. I agree with everyone about seeing friends, or watching something funny. I also like what Dandylion said about wailing. If I just allow myself to break down into tears, I always feel not only happier but much less anxious.
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Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: NC
Posts: 199
I read a book, exercise, knit, cross stitch or crochet. Sometimes I get busy with one of those cleaning projects we all like to put off. I'll clean out the cabinets or the closet. Not only does it keep me busy, but I get a feeling of accomplishment after I'm done. It always feels good to get those tedious chores done .
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 175
I write it down.
Or I have a cup of Chamomile tea. Although its promoted as a sleep-aid, it doesn't actually have any sedative properties so its not dangerous. It does calm you though. A person I work with drinks it before giving presentations to settle her nervousness.
Another thing I do is ask myself, "If I wasn't so worried about X right now, what would I be thinking about or doing?" Then I turn my attention to whatever the answer is.
Or I have a cup of Chamomile tea. Although its promoted as a sleep-aid, it doesn't actually have any sedative properties so its not dangerous. It does calm you though. A person I work with drinks it before giving presentations to settle her nervousness.
Another thing I do is ask myself, "If I wasn't so worried about X right now, what would I be thinking about or doing?" Then I turn my attention to whatever the answer is.
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