Here we go again!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
NEW BEGINNINGS, I agree with Rhode Islands post. You can't afford to worry so much about "Pleasing" your kids and getting their approval. You don't need their approval, you just need their respect. While, they may well have resentment about living in an alcoholic environment---I get that, (and you really can't blame them), but that is not the top priority right this minute--safety is. Actually, their resentments will be greatly reduced when they are away from the immediate chaos of the alcoholic dysfunction.
Even teenagers who don't have the type of resentments that you speak of are narcissistic in nature. It is a part of development. Most teenagers spend 50% of their time resenting or rolling their eyes at their parents. Even when they don't say it--they think it. They will grow out of it. this does not mean that they don't love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't let your self-esteem be defined by your teenager's approval (or lack of). You are their mother and you are still Captain of their ship. You set the rules and define the boundaries. They actually respect you more when you do.
I just don't want you worrying about things you don't have to, right now. You need your emotional energy for the immediate situation.
Keep posting. We have your back.
I hope you can get a little rest.
very sincerely,
dandylion
Even teenagers who don't have the type of resentments that you speak of are narcissistic in nature. It is a part of development. Most teenagers spend 50% of their time resenting or rolling their eyes at their parents. Even when they don't say it--they think it. They will grow out of it. this does not mean that they don't love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't let your self-esteem be defined by your teenager's approval (or lack of). You are their mother and you are still Captain of their ship. You set the rules and define the boundaries. They actually respect you more when you do.
I just don't want you worrying about things you don't have to, right now. You need your emotional energy for the immediate situation.
Keep posting. We have your back.
I hope you can get a little rest.
very sincerely,
dandylion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Alabama
Posts: 164
We are fine this morning. AH sent me a text asking if I wanted coffee. My daughter is still asleep. This is his norm, in the light if day he acts as if nothing is wrong.and if he sees in aggravates he will place all the blame on me as if I am crazy and I was the one doing whatever. I'm going to get dressed and leave the house today. I have to go pick up my younger two children so it should be easy for me to leave.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Alabama
Posts: 164
I am calling the DV hotline as soon as I am alone an able to do so. I am hoping they can tell me what to do and how to get out of this situation. I just don't have the means to be able to leave a not be homeless. And I cannot do that to my children.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
new beginnings, many people who utilize the dv services are in the same kind of situation as you are. I think you will feel better once you know that there is help available.
Stay in touch. You are not alone in this. You have lots of us who care about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dandylion
Stay in touch. You are not alone in this. You have lots of us who care about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dandylion
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