Worst night ever
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 17
Worst night ever
Yesterday was a good day. AH and I went grocery shopping came home and watched movies. Toward the end of the night he asked if he can get beer. I ignored him when he asked then finally I said "you're a big boy, you don't need my permission. You're going to do whatever you want." Of course he left to get beer and came back with vodka. He was okay when he got back, started giving me a back massage then in turn started making out. He pushes me off and asks me where did this come from since I haven't told him I love him in the "past four days". Fast forward a few hours and he's passed out so I tun off the TV and try to go to sleep.
He starts doing that creepy thing where he talks and moans really loud then proceeds to get up and stumble around then falls to his knees next to the bed and pees everywhere. He yells at me to stop it, I look at him and turn around. He then gets on the bed and starts pushing me against the wall with his legs. I'm telling him to stop it. He then puts his legs around me and pulls my right arm like he's going to break it. By this point I'm in complete shock and am trying to get free. I manage to get my arm out where he then puts his arms around me and starts to choke me. By this point I'm thinking oh my god I need to get out of here.
He lets go and I go in the living room and he turn the power box off so there's no lights. I grab my phone and my keys and try to leave with a blanket because I just had undies on. He comes by the door where I am and tells me to give him his keys. I say they are my keys. Oh I forgot to mention when w were in the bedroom he somehow busted my lip. Anyway, we are at the door and he grabs me by my throat and squeezes hard so I can't move. I'm telling him let me go. By that time I had on a shirt and pjs. I open the door and he grabs my shirts and I pull it off. So now I'm outside with the blanket covering me. I'm in shock don't know what to do. My mind is not right. I sit out in our bench for a few minutes and he comes outside and knocks on the neighbors door.
The neighbor answers and AH tells him that the cops are coming, blah blah blah, and asked if I could stay the night because he doesn't want to hurt me. So I go inside and he gives me a shirt and I spent the night over there. I'm still here actually. I'm soo sleepy. I had to be at work at 8 am today and I haven't called in. I guess I'm still in shock. And my neighbor left somewhere so I I did leave I don't know how I would lock the door. At the same time though I don't want to go into work because I have this busted lip. *sigh* all this because I didn't say I love you enough. I don't know if it's my fault for kissing him because if I didn't maybe I wouldn't be in this situation or he's just beyond crazy. He sent a text saying how he was sorry and how it's his fault and he cannot change. Like he's using the disease as an excuse. I just wish things would be different...
He starts doing that creepy thing where he talks and moans really loud then proceeds to get up and stumble around then falls to his knees next to the bed and pees everywhere. He yells at me to stop it, I look at him and turn around. He then gets on the bed and starts pushing me against the wall with his legs. I'm telling him to stop it. He then puts his legs around me and pulls my right arm like he's going to break it. By this point I'm in complete shock and am trying to get free. I manage to get my arm out where he then puts his arms around me and starts to choke me. By this point I'm thinking oh my god I need to get out of here.
He lets go and I go in the living room and he turn the power box off so there's no lights. I grab my phone and my keys and try to leave with a blanket because I just had undies on. He comes by the door where I am and tells me to give him his keys. I say they are my keys. Oh I forgot to mention when w were in the bedroom he somehow busted my lip. Anyway, we are at the door and he grabs me by my throat and squeezes hard so I can't move. I'm telling him let me go. By that time I had on a shirt and pjs. I open the door and he grabs my shirts and I pull it off. So now I'm outside with the blanket covering me. I'm in shock don't know what to do. My mind is not right. I sit out in our bench for a few minutes and he comes outside and knocks on the neighbors door.
The neighbor answers and AH tells him that the cops are coming, blah blah blah, and asked if I could stay the night because he doesn't want to hurt me. So I go inside and he gives me a shirt and I spent the night over there. I'm still here actually. I'm soo sleepy. I had to be at work at 8 am today and I haven't called in. I guess I'm still in shock. And my neighbor left somewhere so I I did leave I don't know how I would lock the door. At the same time though I don't want to go into work because I have this busted lip. *sigh* all this because I didn't say I love you enough. I don't know if it's my fault for kissing him because if I didn't maybe I wouldn't be in this situation or he's just beyond crazy. He sent a text saying how he was sorry and how it's his fault and he cannot change. Like he's using the disease as an excuse. I just wish things would be different...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 453
Please, please, please get help now...get out now. This is NOT your fault, nothing you did deserves this type of behavior. Your AH's behavior is unacceptable. Have you heard the Three C's? You did not Cause it, you cannot Control it, you cannot Cure it. Again, this is NOT your fault.
Do you have a friend or family member that you can go stay with? You can call a domestic violence hotline or center, or call the police. I'm thankful your neighbor took you in, but you need to get away from him. I'm not sure if your AH has been physically abusive with you before, but it will only get worse. I'm concerned that if this was the first time, he will escalate very quickly.
I know there are many other posters that have more experience and better advise with this. Please know that we support you and you have help here. Please keep us posted on how you are. Hugs, Dixiecup.
Do you have a friend or family member that you can go stay with? You can call a domestic violence hotline or center, or call the police. I'm thankful your neighbor took you in, but you need to get away from him. I'm not sure if your AH has been physically abusive with you before, but it will only get worse. I'm concerned that if this was the first time, he will escalate very quickly.
I know there are many other posters that have more experience and better advise with this. Please know that we support you and you have help here. Please keep us posted on how you are. Hugs, Dixiecup.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
dixiecup, what happened last night is very important and please look directly at it. It was violent assault and battery. No gray areas, it doesn't matter if he was drunk. He could have killed you.
You are not responsible for what happened to you. You are the victim in all of this, please understand this and get help. Call the domestic violence hotline today. You need to protect yourself and understand that this is only going to get worse. Your husband is likely to attempt to minimize what happened and find a reason to make it your fault. That is what abusers do. The only one capable of making rational choices right now is you and your life may well depend on it. Please pick up a phone and get help today. No one, absolutely no one, has the right to harm you this way.
You are not responsible for what happened to you. You are the victim in all of this, please understand this and get help. Call the domestic violence hotline today. You need to protect yourself and understand that this is only going to get worse. Your husband is likely to attempt to minimize what happened and find a reason to make it your fault. That is what abusers do. The only one capable of making rational choices right now is you and your life may well depend on it. Please pick up a phone and get help today. No one, absolutely no one, has the right to harm you this way.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
I'm so sorry you had a night from hell. I hope you can take the day off to take care of yourself today.
He told you he can't change - at least he is honest - try to keep those words in the front of of your mind! It will do some healthy things for you, like help you focus on yourself and what YOU can change to make life better for yourself, and it will help you detach from his behavior. Please don't ever forget - things CAN be different. It might take a lot of work, or some pain in the short term, or some difficult action on your part, but things CAN ALWAYS be different!
I hope you have a better day, and know we're here for you! (((HUGS)))
He told you he can't change - at least he is honest - try to keep those words in the front of of your mind! It will do some healthy things for you, like help you focus on yourself and what YOU can change to make life better for yourself, and it will help you detach from his behavior. Please don't ever forget - things CAN be different. It might take a lot of work, or some pain in the short term, or some difficult action on your part, but things CAN ALWAYS be different!
I hope you have a better day, and know we're here for you! (((HUGS)))
Taking back what is mine!
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Ky
Posts: 277
I am so sorry you had to go through that. I dont know if this is the first time he has done anything like this or if you have read much of my story but get out now.
I am dealing with a very similar situation. My abf is very violent when he drinks and he has choked me more times than I can count and many other things. It isnt your fault that he did that, its his fault and most of the time things only get worse.What if he doesnt stop next time? He did what he did, no excuses. Call the DV hotline, I know it seems scary, I was terrified but it really isnt nearly as bad as what you just went through. They will listen and help you sort you thoughts out. Give them a call and try to rest and take some time for yourself today. I know its hard, trust me I know but once you make that first step it gets so much easier. You dont deserve to be treated like that just as I dont or any other person! Take care and stay safe! (((Hugs)))
I am dealing with a very similar situation. My abf is very violent when he drinks and he has choked me more times than I can count and many other things. It isnt your fault that he did that, its his fault and most of the time things only get worse.What if he doesnt stop next time? He did what he did, no excuses. Call the DV hotline, I know it seems scary, I was terrified but it really isnt nearly as bad as what you just went through. They will listen and help you sort you thoughts out. Give them a call and try to rest and take some time for yourself today. I know its hard, trust me I know but once you make that first step it gets so much easier. You dont deserve to be treated like that just as I dont or any other person! Take care and stay safe! (((Hugs)))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 17
I just called into work. I have a few places I can stay at. I just need to get myself together and not put up with this. This is so hard, I can't believe it happened. It was the first time it's happened. I just thought he was thinking I was someone else. It's really upsetting to see him slowly kill himself, he knows it and by the time he's 30 he could sure be dead, end up just like his parents. I want him to find somewhere to go but even though I've been paying the rent both out names are on the lease. I'll figure something out. I tried putting money in a savings account last week which worked but he found out about it. Should I put the money into savings this time but change my password or would it make things worse because he wouldn't have money to drink?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
My opinion is that you should open a bank account in your own name, and deposit all of your earnings into it (not into a joint account). Try not to fret about the lease too much right now. Keep the focus on yourself and your safety as much as possible. If it were me, I would focus on doing a couple of critical things today: find a place to stay tonight, and possibly for the next several days. If your employer direct deposits your paycheck, notify them immediately that they should stop. They *should* be able to issue you a paper check on your next payday, although sometimes it takes one pay period. Then, once you can get a solo account opened, you can have the direct deposit sent into the new account.
Try to stay as focused as you can on safety and shelter, with protecting your money in the background too.
Try to stay as focused as you can on safety and shelter, with protecting your money in the background too.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
Did you call the police yourself, Dixie? Why isn't he in jail right now?
Don't put money into an account that he has knowledge of. Open a new account some other bank, or better yet have a very close trustworthy relative hold it for you, someone you are absolutely sure will never dip into it. Don't bother changing the password on that account, he will know, and get angry all over again.
You need to call the police. He can still be arrested for what he did last night. You can still file the report, and they will arrest him and they will take pictures of the split lip, etc.
This is beyond unacceptable, you do realize this, right?
I'm sure you feel so blindsided, confused, and traumatized that it is difficult to think clearly right now. Let the police and domestic abuse center help think for you.
Don't put money into an account that he has knowledge of. Open a new account some other bank, or better yet have a very close trustworthy relative hold it for you, someone you are absolutely sure will never dip into it. Don't bother changing the password on that account, he will know, and get angry all over again.
You need to call the police. He can still be arrested for what he did last night. You can still file the report, and they will arrest him and they will take pictures of the split lip, etc.
This is beyond unacceptable, you do realize this, right?
I'm sure you feel so blindsided, confused, and traumatized that it is difficult to think clearly right now. Let the police and domestic abuse center help think for you.
Taking back what is mine!
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Ky
Posts: 277
At this point I honestly wouldnt worry about him, period. Whether he has money to drink or not is his problem. Worry about you. I would suggest staying away from him all together, especially if you are already out of the house right now. Stay with someone else, dont have any contact with him.
Call the DV line, they can set you up with local places for free counseling, legal servies, even a place to stay if you need it.
I know it seems easy for all of us to say this and a lot harder for you do to do it but trust me from my experience, it will get worse and it was bad this time. I know its sad to watch them self destruct but he will do it regardless of you so watch out for yourself. Do what you need to do to stay safe. You dont deserve this kind of treatment.
Call the DV line, they can set you up with local places for free counseling, legal servies, even a place to stay if you need it.
I know it seems easy for all of us to say this and a lot harder for you do to do it but trust me from my experience, it will get worse and it was bad this time. I know its sad to watch them self destruct but he will do it regardless of you so watch out for yourself. Do what you need to do to stay safe. You dont deserve this kind of treatment.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Originally Posted by BlueSkies1 
You need to call the police. He can still be arrested for what he did last night. You can still file the report, and they will arrest him and they will take pictures of the split lip, etc.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
I'm just so sorry. Bury a coffee can in the yard with some cash if you have to - it doesn't have to be an account that he knows about.
I don't know a lot about this, but if he attacked you, you can get an order of protection, and based on that I don't think it would take much to get him off the lease.
He is killing himself, but by the sounds of it, hes (intentionally or not) gunning to take you with him. If you already pay the rent, and I'm guessing like most of us, the household isn't exactly maintained by the alcoholic living in it...think of how peaceful life would be without that mess. I really really am hoping the best for you!
I don't know a lot about this, but if he attacked you, you can get an order of protection, and based on that I don't think it would take much to get him off the lease.
He is killing himself, but by the sounds of it, hes (intentionally or not) gunning to take you with him. If you already pay the rent, and I'm guessing like most of us, the household isn't exactly maintained by the alcoholic living in it...think of how peaceful life would be without that mess. I really really am hoping the best for you!
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
I did not call the police many many times when I should have and what happened is that I am now not being believed by them now that I have come forward.
Please go to the police. Protect yourself while you still can.
Please go to the police. Protect yourself while you still can.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Dixie you've gotten a lot of great ES&H here, I just want to say this:
What happened was not your fault.
What happened was not your fault.
What happened was not your fault.
Sending strength and courage your way.
What happened was not your fault.
What happened was not your fault.
What happened was not your fault.
Sending strength and courage your way.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 17
Thank you all for the support. I made arrangements with a friend to stay with over the weekend until Monday. I'm telling myself I will call the hotline, I will call the hotline. I'll keep everyone updated throughout the day.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Good for you dc!
One other thought. When an abusive partner senses a shift in the relationship it can tend to trigger more extreme behavior. Do not be surprised if he turns on the charm in a huge way telling you that this time he has changed. It is often tempting to think that their guilt will keep us safe.
One of the most precarious times with an abusive partner is when their significant other decides to leave them. An active alcoholic is more likely to feel desperate and act on those feelings. I am not trying to alarm you but that is why reaching out to people who deal with this daily is so important for you. He is likely to be very regretful about what happened last night.
His guilt today won't prevent it from happening again. If pleading with you to forgive him doesn't work, he may resort to pressure. Having others involved with this difficult process is a really smart thing. Abuse doesn't do well when it is exposed to public scrutiny. You have nothing to feel ashamed of, a split lip and love don't belong in the same sentence. Sending hugs.
One other thought. When an abusive partner senses a shift in the relationship it can tend to trigger more extreme behavior. Do not be surprised if he turns on the charm in a huge way telling you that this time he has changed. It is often tempting to think that their guilt will keep us safe.
One of the most precarious times with an abusive partner is when their significant other decides to leave them. An active alcoholic is more likely to feel desperate and act on those feelings. I am not trying to alarm you but that is why reaching out to people who deal with this daily is so important for you. He is likely to be very regretful about what happened last night.
His guilt today won't prevent it from happening again. If pleading with you to forgive him doesn't work, he may resort to pressure. Having others involved with this difficult process is a really smart thing. Abuse doesn't do well when it is exposed to public scrutiny. You have nothing to feel ashamed of, a split lip and love don't belong in the same sentence. Sending hugs.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
dixie,
Please file a police report on this. That was really some scary things that he did there. I think he needs help. I think if a police report was written up on this that they might want a psych evaluation on him for court.
Take care of yourself, and I agree with all of the above advice.
(((((((((hugs)))))))))
Please file a police report on this. That was really some scary things that he did there. I think he needs help. I think if a police report was written up on this that they might want a psych evaluation on him for court.
Take care of yourself, and I agree with all of the above advice.
(((((((((hugs)))))))))
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Absolutely call the police. Don't protect him. What happens if he kills you next time? There will be a next time. People will probably say, "She never said anything. We would have helped her!" Seriously. This is not love or anything remotely healthy. Your safety is the priority here. Who cares if he can buy beer? Is there aclose ffriend or family member who will squirrel away cash for you safely? It's imperative that you get help NOW.
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