thislonelygirl

Today upon waking up I have this feeling. .its a depressed and fed up feeling. Different than the days before. Maybe its that everyday I lost more love, more respect, more hope and gained more insight..
Its a sad feeling but also happy. If you can relate.an Im ready to go feeling.
Right now I think about my ah and I dont feel that need for him or that fighting type of love.
We were going to go somwhere yesterday and usually I would be excited because he wasnt drinking and we were going to spend time together. A normal day.
But instead I felt sick....like I couldnt even do that anymore.
This must be what falling out of love feels like because even though I still care and love him....
Inlove is a long stretch away and frankly its hard to be in love with someone who you have no trust and respect in. Its hard to even fathom being "inlove" when the other person is not even in the same relationship with you.
It hurts to humor the idea that this "thing" we have even works in the least.
When hes gone im alone and a mess wondering what hes doing and when hes here im alone and in a mess wondering what hes doing.
Theres no happy in an addict relationship. I know what I need to do. Give me strength to do it soon so that I might know happiness.

LightInside

Awesome! Not awesome that you had the icky feelings, but awesome that you're ready for something better. Best wishes!

Wavy

That feeling both sucks and is freeing. I went through similar realisations about the love I had for XABF before I left. It sounds like you are coming into acceptance. Its OK to pause there until you are ready for action, however long that takes. Lots of great stuff in your post, and you have identified what you need to be happy and realised that what you have now isn't it. Take it one step, one day at a time and you'll get there. You already have the strength somewhere, it can just take a while to learn to use it

dandylion

thislonelygirl, when you are done--you are done (and you know it). Then it is time to put on your slippers and do what you 'gotta do.

dandylion

SparkleKitty

Sending you strength and courage, tlg. And many many of these: (((hugs))). Great big polar bear ones.

LadySage

I really really relate to going through something like you described. I slowly quit dreaming about our future together, lost respect, lost my energy and lost the need to fight for him/us. To this day I still genuinly love him and care for him. Perhaps I haven't fully let go. But...we are divorced and I did give up on that fighting for any relationship or future. I felt those feelings die and it was sad yet freeing. You're not alone in it.

suki44883

You are NOT giving up. You are ready to save yourself! You have just reached YOUR bottom. You just can't do it anymore. You are tired, so, so bone tired of trying to pretend.

It's okay. We all have to reach that point before we are truly ready to pull ourselves out of that hole we've been living in for so long.

As sad as it might feel right now, it is really a godsend. You stop pretending that things will get better. You realize that in order for YOUR life to be better, YOU have to take care of YOU. Good luck to you! ((((HUGS))))

jaynie04

Wow lonelygirl, thank you for sharing that, it's pretty powerful stuff. It's often difficult to verbalize what growth and change are...but I think you just did. Thank you for a really moving share.

marie1960

Have to agree with jaynie04, very powerful post, you found the words to how I used to feel.

Honestly think if I could have read this seven years ago , I would have had an Oprah "AAH HAA" moment.

All those currently struggling, please reread this over and over and over.

hugs to you lonelygirl!

Jd77

Wow! This was really, really good for me to read. I'm taking it all in and trying to figure out my life. This post was helpful.

spiderqueen

"There is a big difference between giving up and letting go.

Giving up means selling yourself short. It means allowing fear and struggle to limit your opportunities and keep you stuck.

Letting go means freeing yourself from something that is no longer serving you. It means removing toxic people and belief systems from your life so that you can make room for relationships and ideas that are conducive to your well-being and happiness.

Giving up reduces your life.
Letting go expands it.

Giving up is imprisoning.
Letting go is liberation.

Giving up is self-defeat.
Letting go is self-care.

So the next time you make the decision to release something or someone that is stifling your happiness and growth, and a person has the audacity to accuse you of giving up or being weak, remind yourself of the difference. Remind yourself that you don’t need anyone’s permission or approval to live your life in the way that feels right. No one has the authority to tell you who to be or how to live. No one gets to decide what your life should look like or who should be a part of it. No one, but you."

~ By Danielle Koepke

Hammer

dunno, but jmho in passing but . . . the "By Danielle Koepke" sounds a bit like trying to create a distinction without a difference.

Whatever word games one wants to play things come down to the same thing.

I think the Alanon term is Surrender.

Seems like we fight to stay in the Bad. Kind of silly if you think about it.

Got to get out of the Bad before you can get to some Good.

So whether TLG is Giving Up, Letting Go, Surrendering, or Just Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired . . .

You Go, Girl.