Do I give an ultimatum?
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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Originally Posted by dharmabound 
Update: so, my husband and I haven't had a drink in almost 3 months! On that first weekend I left town with the kids and left him a note that I wasn't going to raise the kids with alcohol anymore... He took it to heart-he had been trying to quit for awhile before- so the timing was right for him to have that wake up call. We
One weird thing I have noticed is he seems to act drunk still at times-without other signs. He doesn't smell or slurr or stumble, but his emotions and thinking are really off. I have read about dry drunk-but it doesn't quit sound the same. He is an emotional roller coaster and sometimes gets slow processing.
Fingers crossed we can keep this up! Thank you all for the support here!!! My husband said he is going to start reading more here soon, too!
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Originally Posted by LadyinBC
I'm so glad you posted Dharmabound it is nice to see updates. yes, please tell you hubby to start reading and post in the recovery forum! He can get lots of support there too.
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Originally Posted by MissFixit
hi keep up with your own recovery efforts too! good luck!
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Join Date: Dec 2013
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wow that's awesome news good for you both, how has it been between you both? has he talked about ever drinking again? like just occasionally?
I could have written your first post easy....I did say I was going to leave, the penny dropped for my h and now has been sober 6 days, he seems to be finding it pretty easy to be honest, even went out last nite with drinking friends and didn't drink. The only thing with him is he is saying is he will prob have a few beers at a stag and wedding in 3 months, which worries me a bit and I have anxiety thinking he will start up again did you worry he will start again? I hope my h can have a few at a wedding and I mean a few not drunk drunk and then keep up the no drinking at home etc, maybe he is not a 'real alcoholic?' he is super nice too.
Thanks for sharing is great to read I guess the emotional roller coaster is symptoms of not drinking?
I could have written your first post easy....I did say I was going to leave, the penny dropped for my h and now has been sober 6 days, he seems to be finding it pretty easy to be honest, even went out last nite with drinking friends and didn't drink. The only thing with him is he is saying is he will prob have a few beers at a stag and wedding in 3 months, which worries me a bit and I have anxiety thinking he will start up again did you worry he will start again? I hope my h can have a few at a wedding and I mean a few not drunk drunk and then keep up the no drinking at home etc, maybe he is not a 'real alcoholic?' he is super nice too.
Thanks for sharing is great to read I guess the emotional roller coaster is symptoms of not drinking?
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Originally Posted by johnno1
wow that's awesome news good for you both, how has it been between you both? has he talked about ever drinking again? like just occasionally? I could have written your first post easy....I did say I was going to leave, the penny dropped for my h and now has been sober 6 days, he seems to be finding it pretty easy to be honest, even went out last nite with drinking friends and didn't drink. The only thing with him is he is saying is he will prob have a few beers at a stag and wedding in 3 months, which worries me a bit and I have anxiety thinking he will start up again did you worry he will start again? I hope my h can have a few at a wedding and I mean a few not drunk drunk and then keep up the no drinking at home etc, maybe he is not a 'real alcoholic?' he is super nice too. Thanks for sharing is great to read I guess the emotional roller coaster is symptoms of not drinking?
We have finally realized it is all or nothing for us. It is sad-like losing a good friend even. I feel once you make certain habits or pathways in the brain-it is too easy to slip on that same slope again.
.
I don't how it works for other people though...just how it has been going for us.
Good luck!
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Update: I have been sober for 8 months! It has been a struggle, but manageable. Everytime I get tempted, I log on to this site and just read, and read, and read, and then my craving goes away.
DH....was doing good, then started sneaking it behind my back after 2 or 3 months sober. Sad thing is he was hiding it from everyone, including his old drinking buddies, so he has been very lonely. He very sincerely wanting to quit...he just keeps relapsing. His relapses are always very hidden and he beats himself up. He is on this group, but we keep separate profiles do he can get his own advice and not feel like I am always watching.
So, success in that I have stayed sober even when he backtracks. Success in that DH truly wants to be sober. I just don't know what the recover road will look like for him. He is going to meet with a doctor soon to talk about it, so fingers crossed!
DH....was doing good, then started sneaking it behind my back after 2 or 3 months sober. Sad thing is he was hiding it from everyone, including his old drinking buddies, so he has been very lonely. He very sincerely wanting to quit...he just keeps relapsing. His relapses are always very hidden and he beats himself up. He is on this group, but we keep separate profiles do he can get his own advice and not feel like I am always watching.
So, success in that I have stayed sober even when he backtracks. Success in that DH truly wants to be sober. I just don't know what the recover road will look like for him. He is going to meet with a doctor soon to talk about it, so fingers crossed!
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Originally Posted by dharmabound
...but he falls back to drinking every weekend.
He drinks about a case or more of beer during the week, then drinks vodka on the weekend til he passes out.
For me what helped was focusing on myself. One of the first things I learned here was the 3 C's.
I didn't cause it.
I can't control it.
I can't cure it.
I hope your husband is serious about his recovery and that everything works out. Just remember, it is HIS recovery.
Your friend,
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So glad for your sobriety, congrats to you!
I encourage you to prepare. Make a plan, sock away some funds, just in case. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best is what I will always say.
Unfortunately, my Xhusband continued to use and it blew up. Thankfully, I was prepared in my mind it would happen as I realize alcoholism is a progressive disease. Having some extra cash and a plan put me at ease when it did spin out of control.
Keep up the good work on you! I hope he too chooses recovery!
I encourage you to prepare. Make a plan, sock away some funds, just in case. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best is what I will always say.
Unfortunately, my Xhusband continued to use and it blew up. Thankfully, I was prepared in my mind it would happen as I realize alcoholism is a progressive disease. Having some extra cash and a plan put me at ease when it did spin out of control.
Keep up the good work on you! I hope he too chooses recovery!
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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I figured since it is New Years Eve, now would be a good time for an update. I am still sober-it has been over 1 year and 2 months. My husband struggled A LOT in the beginning, his drinking got even worse and because he got better at hiding it from me. He has been doing amazing, though and we really do owe it to him going to AA meetings. He goes to at least 3 meetings a week and talks to his sponsor every day. He has found new supports and new friends there that have helped him through this. He hasn't made it 1 year yet..but things are lookin' good! Peace to y'all, and Happy New Year!
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Join Date: Dec 2014
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dharmabound...reading your story was like reading my own, except it's been 7 years for me, and we have one child who is 6. My ABF went to detox and rehab twice this year, after my son and I just up and left, several times. Afer his last stint in detox, he moved in with his Mother, who is also an alcoholic. She would drink in front of him, and even ask him to get her beer. Still, he did not fall...and I took him back, hopeful that this time will actually be different. Fast forward two months, he skips AA meetings, and is back at it, and lying to me about it. We went to my Boss' house for Christmas Eve, and I caught him slugging from a wine bottle. I guess the moral of my story is...please be cautious. 3 months is not much of a commitment, and if he is seeking treatment to appease you, he won't stick with it. And your kids will pay in the end, because even when they are babies, they know...
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Congrats on allowing him to work it out... Why do people think ultimatums work? If someone isn't willing to change it causes resentment and if they do *quit* the sneaking and lying starts.... It's great he found a program that's working and great of you to allow time for it.
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Just hit my two year sober mark!!! My husband just hit is 11 month sober date. I have to say going to as many AA meetings as I can and talking to other AA/sober people has helped us more than anything. Thank you all for your support in my early days!
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