breathalyzer
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breathalyzer - one intoxicated driver off the road for one day
Amazon.com: BACtrack Select S80 Breathalyzer Professional Edition: Health & Personal Care
I've bought two of these now. The first one AH likely hid or dumped. He looks at it as controlling. I look at it as getting past the BS and being honest with each other. I rarely request that he uses it, even with him being on quite the bender the past few weeks. I can't change the drinking and that isn't up to me. The first breathalyzer I tried to get him to use more often and that was a disaster -- but it managed to get across I'm not a complete idiot when he'd say he hadn't been drinking --or it was just one/two -- but was plastered. I've learned not to use it most of the time and he's learned that there are times I simply hold my ground. He's stopped lying about it as much now. It's crazy when he would bring it up out of the blue that he hadn't been drinking at all or that he'd been doing really well lately, while trying not to slur. We know you can't argue with a drunk; this helps eliminate that for me. There was a day a month or two ago where he tried telling me he hadn't been drinking and he was so drunk he wasn't able to blow it right with 8 or more tries. He stayed home and slept it off instead of working.
He blew a .328 today, just before he was intending to be driving somewhere. A dirt road with little traffic still has traffic ---- it's absolutely ridiculous! There was someone going with him and AH did not drive. They'll be in the mountains for a few days (working), so God be with him. I've been leaving it in His hands, but my detachment doesn't mean ignoring the obvious. I can't stop AH from self-destruction, but I'll tell him I see it happening and I'll do what I can to keep him from hurting others. I would be fine with him getting put in jail. I would not get him out. And yes, I do love him very much. I don't know how he's going to quit drinking or when, or if even if he will, but I do know if he doesn't it will kill him. More likely sooner than later.
Overall, I'm doing okay. Taking care of me, eating well and getting some things done. Playing some games with our son. 100% on his spelling test today and new library books to read.
Your BAC stories welcome here. I can see where they could cause more problems and tension for some, but I'm very glad I bought it. I'm keeping it hidden so I don't have to buy another one.
I've bought two of these now. The first one AH likely hid or dumped. He looks at it as controlling. I look at it as getting past the BS and being honest with each other. I rarely request that he uses it, even with him being on quite the bender the past few weeks. I can't change the drinking and that isn't up to me. The first breathalyzer I tried to get him to use more often and that was a disaster -- but it managed to get across I'm not a complete idiot when he'd say he hadn't been drinking --or it was just one/two -- but was plastered. I've learned not to use it most of the time and he's learned that there are times I simply hold my ground. He's stopped lying about it as much now. It's crazy when he would bring it up out of the blue that he hadn't been drinking at all or that he'd been doing really well lately, while trying not to slur. We know you can't argue with a drunk; this helps eliminate that for me. There was a day a month or two ago where he tried telling me he hadn't been drinking and he was so drunk he wasn't able to blow it right with 8 or more tries. He stayed home and slept it off instead of working.
He blew a .328 today, just before he was intending to be driving somewhere. A dirt road with little traffic still has traffic ---- it's absolutely ridiculous! There was someone going with him and AH did not drive. They'll be in the mountains for a few days (working), so God be with him. I've been leaving it in His hands, but my detachment doesn't mean ignoring the obvious. I can't stop AH from self-destruction, but I'll tell him I see it happening and I'll do what I can to keep him from hurting others. I would be fine with him getting put in jail. I would not get him out. And yes, I do love him very much. I don't know how he's going to quit drinking or when, or if even if he will, but I do know if he doesn't it will kill him. More likely sooner than later.
Overall, I'm doing okay. Taking care of me, eating well and getting some things done. Playing some games with our son. 100% on his spelling test today and new library books to read.
Your BAC stories welcome here. I can see where they could cause more problems and tension for some, but I'm very glad I bought it. I'm keeping it hidden so I don't have to buy another one.
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Glad you and your son are doing well. As for the breathalyzer, I don't think I'd try that with my AH as it wouldn't go over well. If he were out driving drunk and I knew for sure, I'd call the cops and let them handle him, primarily just to protect other people on the road.
My AH has a mandatory ignition interlock on his car. It's been there for a year and he has another year to go. I was tempted to cajole him into keeping it on there just to make sure he doesn't drink and drive anymore, but I realized that I'd just create more problems for the family. If it works for you, then that's great though.
My AH has a mandatory ignition interlock on his car. It's been there for a year and he has another year to go. I was tempted to cajole him into keeping it on there just to make sure he doesn't drink and drive anymore, but I realized that I'd just create more problems for the family. If it works for you, then that's great though.
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Was the mandatory ignition lock court ordered? My AH has too many vehicles available for his use to likely make this work unless it was court ordered. Calling the cops if I suspected him of drunk driving doesn't work around here. I wish it would. 
I can see where it wouldn't work for many. AH says he wants to quit and has been trying. I bought the breathalyzer when he was trying to get sober and although he thought it was "silly", he also agreed to using it. We are at least being more honest with each other now. I've also been waking up to how bad it's really been. Even without using it, I now have a reference point and can make a rational estimate as to where his BAC is. Instead of wondering if he's been drinking, I realize he has and I leave it alone unless something really needs to be addressed. There's been times this summer I've been very concerned about his immediate health and his body not processing the alcohol. It still doesn't change things, but it lets me articulate my concern without it being a fight. I refer to the medical aspect of my concerns. Or in the case of driving, the legal, ethical and endangerment aspects. It beats trying to argue with him about whether or not he's able to drive.
I can see where it wouldn't work for many. AH says he wants to quit and has been trying. I bought the breathalyzer when he was trying to get sober and although he thought it was "silly", he also agreed to using it. We are at least being more honest with each other now. I've also been waking up to how bad it's really been. Even without using it, I now have a reference point and can make a rational estimate as to where his BAC is. Instead of wondering if he's been drinking, I realize he has and I leave it alone unless something really needs to be addressed. There's been times this summer I've been very concerned about his immediate health and his body not processing the alcohol. It still doesn't change things, but it lets me articulate my concern without it being a fight. I refer to the medical aspect of my concerns. Or in the case of driving, the legal, ethical and endangerment aspects. It beats trying to argue with him about whether or not he's able to drive.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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I have a different opinion. I am not his cop. It's not my job to monitor him. It's no different than pouring out liquor, doesn't change anything. The topic of using a breathalyzer came up in a family recovery program I attended, and it is viewed as controlling behavior by the counselors there. I have to agree.
Look, if you're suspicious enough to want to use it....you already know the truth. So does he...he knows what he's been drinking. Did it do anything to stop the behavior? No. He's gone for the weekend, so maybe he didn't drive away from your house. But he could have taken the wheel from there, you don't know. If you know he's driving drunk, call the cops. They can actually do something about it. Otherwise, all you're doing is keeping yourself in the illness.
Look, if you're suspicious enough to want to use it....you already know the truth. So does he...he knows what he's been drinking. Did it do anything to stop the behavior? No. He's gone for the weekend, so maybe he didn't drive away from your house. But he could have taken the wheel from there, you don't know. If you know he's driving drunk, call the cops. They can actually do something about it. Otherwise, all you're doing is keeping yourself in the illness.
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I won't give an opinion on your actions, but .328 is just a bit away from possible coma, regardless of perceived tolerance...
I blew a .28 at my last dui, maybe 10 years ago. The police rule at that time and place was at .30 they took you to the ER.
I blew a .28 at my last dui, maybe 10 years ago. The police rule at that time and place was at .30 they took you to the ER.
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Originally Posted by foolsgold66 
I won't give an opinion on your actions, but .328 is just a bit away from possible coma, regardless of perceived tolerance...
I blew a .28 at my last dui, maybe 10 years ago. The police rule at that time and place was at .30 they took you to the ER.
I blew a .28 at my last dui, maybe 10 years ago. The police rule at that time and place was at .30 they took you to the ER.
As for calling the cops and letting them handle it, we are so rural that isn't physically possible. I would if that would work. I'm thinking on that though, to see if something would work. What would I do if it were the stranger that died near our home 2 years ago -- if I could go back and do that over again? This really is no different.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...too-young.html
Keep it coming, if you like. It's giving me more to think about and that's good.
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Originally Posted by Carlotta
I would not live with someone I "have to" breathalize, relationships are supposed to be about trust not enforcement.
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I've told my AH just yesterday that he could have killed someone while out doing his crap and wrecking his bike! That's just the God Damn truth! I was so tired of hearing, I'm not like those idiots who hurt and kill people! I'll never hurt myself! BLAH. BLAH.BLAH.
It happened. He didn't kill anyone but he damn near killed himself. He was just like those people who hurt and kill people and so is your husband and any other fool who gets in a vehicle drunk who intends to drive. It will happen. When he's 2 hours late from being home and a paramedic answers the phone, your world will crash and so will other's if he's taken victims with him.
It is very sad. It doesn't have to be. They do not have to do it yet they feel, *It won't happen to me.* It will.
I have never used a breathalyzer on my AH because I already know he's intoxicated and he's going to lie about it. I can see it in his eyes, I can smell it on him and his brain filter has been shut off and he acts like I'm stupid. In reality, he's only fooling himself. He would probably try to convince us both that the damn thing was broke too!
It happened. He didn't kill anyone but he damn near killed himself. He was just like those people who hurt and kill people and so is your husband and any other fool who gets in a vehicle drunk who intends to drive. It will happen. When he's 2 hours late from being home and a paramedic answers the phone, your world will crash and so will other's if he's taken victims with him.
It is very sad. It doesn't have to be. They do not have to do it yet they feel, *It won't happen to me.* It will.
I have never used a breathalyzer on my AH because I already know he's intoxicated and he's going to lie about it. I can see it in his eyes, I can smell it on him and his brain filter has been shut off and he acts like I'm stupid. In reality, he's only fooling himself. He would probably try to convince us both that the damn thing was broke too!
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You didn't Cause it, can't Cure it, and can't Control it. You are policing him, those "hard facts" haven't stopped his drinking. At least you recognize that his decision to get sober, if he decides, will not come from anything you've done. How did having him do a BAT help before he drove off with friends for a few days? He didn't drive....in front of you...but it did not ultimately stop his drinking or driving. If you plan to stay in this, and plan to monitor his drinking, then I hope you attend some AlAnon meetings. They will help you figure this all out. Work as hard on your end as you want him to work on his.
Box said it best...no need for a BAT, you already know.
Box said it best...no need for a BAT, you already know.
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I'm a drunk, not a F&F necessarily, but I saw your post and was interested.
We all make our own choices. I hope yours is well-informed. There are stories in here about drunks hurting themselves, their kids, and loved ones, physically and mentally, accidentally and on purpose.
You'll likely get not great support for how you are choosing to 'manage' this here in F&F. They will inform you about Al-Anon, and it would probably be your benefit to at least be open to trying that.
I didn't look at your post history so I truly don't know how informed you are. That would be my biggest suggestion. Get informed. Fully. Understand the worst that may come to you and yours. If you can do that and still hope for the best, as I said before, that's your choice.
I CHOOSE not to drink today
FG
We all make our own choices. I hope yours is well-informed. There are stories in here about drunks hurting themselves, their kids, and loved ones, physically and mentally, accidentally and on purpose.
You'll likely get not great support for how you are choosing to 'manage' this here in F&F. They will inform you about Al-Anon, and it would probably be your benefit to at least be open to trying that.
I didn't look at your post history so I truly don't know how informed you are. That would be my biggest suggestion. Get informed. Fully. Understand the worst that may come to you and yours. If you can do that and still hope for the best, as I said before, that's your choice.
I CHOOSE not to drink today
FG
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Having to use a breathaylzer is a good way to get the alcoholic out of denial. I plan on getting one on the internet and use it on my son when I suspect booze. Although, it won't detect drugs cause thats another issue.
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Usually I'll parrot the "can't cure it, didn't cause it, can't control it" al anon thing too.
I do that because I see how it makes US mentally ill to try to do the impossible, and often I see US getting mentally sicker...trying.
But your case IS different.
It's not upsetting you to do this.
He's actually giving you the power by blowing into it when he could refuse.
He agrees he's out of control.
It doesn't seem to be causing dangerous and severe problems in your marriage.
It is helping him to be more honest, open, and out of denial.
He does say it is controlling.
He's right.
The law, should they catch him, will be far more controlling.
But he isn't in an all out war with you over this. He seems to have conceded some power to you, congrats, It's every codies dream.
For most of us, don't try this at home. But for this woman--it's actually working.
I do that because I see how it makes US mentally ill to try to do the impossible, and often I see US getting mentally sicker...trying.
But your case IS different.
It's not upsetting you to do this.
He's actually giving you the power by blowing into it when he could refuse.
He agrees he's out of control.
It doesn't seem to be causing dangerous and severe problems in your marriage.
It is helping him to be more honest, open, and out of denial.
He does say it is controlling.
He's right.
The law, should they catch him, will be far more controlling.
But he isn't in an all out war with you over this. He seems to have conceded some power to you, congrats, It's every codies dream.
For most of us, don't try this at home. But for this woman--it's actually working.
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When I heard my A's BAC described as "a lethal dose" by his doctor, I finally understood the extent of his illness, how precarious was his health, what a liability he was to me and my family.
It was still very hard to let go. I will always love him. I don't want him to kill himself, or anyone else!
But I did finally realize that I had absolutely no control over whether or not that happened. All I could control was whether or not I would be there to watch it.
My worry for you and your mental health is this: what if you keep up the vigilance, and do everything you can think of, and it still happens. Will you feel responsible? It's just a question.
I am sorry you are going through this. And I understand, and sympathize. I hope for the best for you, and your family.
Spider
It was still very hard to let go. I will always love him. I don't want him to kill himself, or anyone else!
But I did finally realize that I had absolutely no control over whether or not that happened. All I could control was whether or not I would be there to watch it.
My worry for you and your mental health is this: what if you keep up the vigilance, and do everything you can think of, and it still happens. Will you feel responsible? It's just a question.
I am sorry you are going through this. And I understand, and sympathize. I hope for the best for you, and your family.
Spider
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"He's stopped lying about it as much now" her words.
That to me seems to be him respecting her more. Maybe later, when he's earned it, if he ever does, she will respect him more, and his word that he is sober will be good for something, and she can throw the breathalyzer away.
At this point his word hasn't been worth much. But...progress...he is lying less.
she's found a way to break through some of the denial, and for us on this side, that is a real achievement.
I see progress overall. Less denial of any kind of problem in a marriage is a good thing.
Is it extreme?
Yes.
Would him killing himself or someone else be extreme? YES.
It's definitely the less extreme of those two, and sometimes, as the saying goes, desperate times call for desperate measures.
I approve.
That to me seems to be him respecting her more. Maybe later, when he's earned it, if he ever does, she will respect him more, and his word that he is sober will be good for something, and she can throw the breathalyzer away.
At this point his word hasn't been worth much. But...progress...he is lying less.
she's found a way to break through some of the denial, and for us on this side, that is a real achievement.
I see progress overall. Less denial of any kind of problem in a marriage is a good thing.
Is it extreme?
Yes.
Would him killing himself or someone else be extreme? YES.
It's definitely the less extreme of those two, and sometimes, as the saying goes, desperate times call for desperate measures.
I approve.
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and for us on this side, that is a real achievement.
I would think that I have unfortunately earned my stripes as a codie and that thanks to the program of Al Anon of which I have been a member since 2001, I have learned to set boundaries and that I cannot control another human being.
Anyway, whatever rocks your boat, like they say on the other side of the fence, some are sicker than others. I am out.
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Originally Posted by Carlotta
What is working? That she lives with someone that she does not trust and does not respect?
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