Finding a loved one dead
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 8
Finding a loved one dead
Has anyone found their parent dead (my mum)? I dont know how to get over it, I cant explain the feeling, the moment when I knew she was gone.
I used to say shed die one day because of drink but I didnt truly believe it.
Any help welcome thank you.
I used to say shed die one day because of drink but I didnt truly believe it.
Any help welcome thank you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I am so sorry for you loss.
I don't know what advice to give you here except for grief counseling, and just to know that it was not your fault in anyway, and that she wasn't drinking to hurt you, she drank because she had a disease.
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))
I don't know what advice to give you here except for grief counseling, and just to know that it was not your fault in anyway, and that she wasn't drinking to hurt you, she drank because she had a disease.
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((majeebix))
please accept my heartfelt sympathy in the loss of your mother ~
I can only imagine how painful that must have been.
I have never been in that situation ~ but I believe that others have and finding help thru group therapy, a counselor, someone experienced in helping thru grief with losing a loved one to the disease of alcoholism ~ all of these resources may help you thru this painful time.
Please keep reaching out for support & help here also -
May your mom rest in peace and may you & all who love her be comforted during this time of sorrow
pink hugs
please accept my heartfelt sympathy in the loss of your mother ~
I can only imagine how painful that must have been.
I have never been in that situation ~ but I believe that others have and finding help thru group therapy, a counselor, someone experienced in helping thru grief with losing a loved one to the disease of alcoholism ~ all of these resources may help you thru this painful time.
Please keep reaching out for support & help here also -
May your mom rest in peace and may you & all who love her be comforted during this time of sorrow
pink hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
My father dropped dead in front of me about 12 weeks ago. He was an alcoholic. I did CPR until the paramedics arrived and they tried for 45 mins but had to stop.
It's a very traumatic experience. The horror of that morning seemed to sear itself into my brain, behind my eyes. I kept visualising it in my head and re-living it. I think that is part of coming to terms with it, at first.
I read somewhere, after allowing yourself time to grieve, that it is wise to try to stop yourself re-living or ruminating over the trauma multiple times in the day. When you find yourself ruminating/re-living the moment, the trauma, STOP. Get busy. Only allow yourself to dwell on it once or twice a day. I've been doing this and it works for me.
I find myself thinking WTF? Did that REALLY HAPPEN? Was it REAL? And my brain tells me "Yup. Was real. It really happened."
Time will help. In the meantime, take care of you. Be careful and mindful of what you need for you. You get through grief you don't get over it.
I'm sorry for the death of your Mum.
It's a very traumatic experience. The horror of that morning seemed to sear itself into my brain, behind my eyes. I kept visualising it in my head and re-living it. I think that is part of coming to terms with it, at first.
I read somewhere, after allowing yourself time to grieve, that it is wise to try to stop yourself re-living or ruminating over the trauma multiple times in the day. When you find yourself ruminating/re-living the moment, the trauma, STOP. Get busy. Only allow yourself to dwell on it once or twice a day. I've been doing this and it works for me.
I find myself thinking WTF? Did that REALLY HAPPEN? Was it REAL? And my brain tells me "Yup. Was real. It really happened."
Time will help. In the meantime, take care of you. Be careful and mindful of what you need for you. You get through grief you don't get over it.
I'm sorry for the death of your Mum.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: U.S.
Posts: 130
M, for me it was adrenaline and shock for the first few days. Then there is an emotional roller coaster following it. The loss can be immense and if you found your parent dead it could feel traumatic, especially if you did CPR. My sister tried CPR when my mother was dying but it was not going to help. Sometimes it's just their time to go. There are many online sites about grief, and I found that a grief support group is helpful. I found that using google.
I am so very sorry for your loss. There are few things harder than this.
I am so very sorry for your loss. There are few things harder than this.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
My most sincere condolences. My dad died in front of me when I was 18 and it took me a long time to be able to deal with it.
Looking back, I wish I had gone to a grief counselor at the time but back then, I did not even know such thing existed and someone had to be strong to take care of my mom and siblings.
Giving you a big hug.
Looking back, I wish I had gone to a grief counselor at the time but back then, I did not even know such thing existed and someone had to be strong to take care of my mom and siblings.
Giving you a big hug.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
My mother didn't die from alcoholism, she died of lung cancer from her addiction to smoking. While she didn't have a lot of the issues others have with loved ones who drink, she still preferred her hot sticks to spending time with family. She literally planned her day around her next smoke. My sister and I cared for her for 3 months in the home until the day she passed in a very slow agonizing way; something I've never wish on my worst enemy.
That being said, the process of grief is very personal and it is something only you will be able to go through. People try to help, and they do help in many ways, but eventually they have to go on with their lives. And we do too. BUT allow yourself to grieve in YOUR way and in YOUR time. There isn't a time limit on grief either. I am still grieving the loss of my mother and the loss of the relationship we should have had and should have today. She was only 64 and passed away 2 years ago this November. You will have good days and bad days. Some good days you'll be completely caught off guard by grief; let it happen and it's ok. No matter how rotten a parent could have been, and I don't pretend to know your particular story, they are still our parents and we love them. Even though I still grieve for my mother, it has gotten easier with each passing day. Holidays will be particularly hard; grieve in your way, it's ok, and don't let anyone tell you any differently.
There is a lot on the internet and in bookstores on grief if that helps you. I just want you to know that whatever you feel at any given moment is alright and right for you and you only, so don't deny yourself the right to grieve, which may even include some anger.
I hope that helps you... I'm so sorry for your loss and for what you had to witness surrounding your loved ones death. I'll pray for you!
That being said, the process of grief is very personal and it is something only you will be able to go through. People try to help, and they do help in many ways, but eventually they have to go on with their lives. And we do too. BUT allow yourself to grieve in YOUR way and in YOUR time. There isn't a time limit on grief either. I am still grieving the loss of my mother and the loss of the relationship we should have had and should have today. She was only 64 and passed away 2 years ago this November. You will have good days and bad days. Some good days you'll be completely caught off guard by grief; let it happen and it's ok. No matter how rotten a parent could have been, and I don't pretend to know your particular story, they are still our parents and we love them. Even though I still grieve for my mother, it has gotten easier with each passing day. Holidays will be particularly hard; grieve in your way, it's ok, and don't let anyone tell you any differently.
There is a lot on the internet and in bookstores on grief if that helps you. I just want you to know that whatever you feel at any given moment is alright and right for you and you only, so don't deny yourself the right to grieve, which may even include some anger.
I hope that helps you... I'm so sorry for your loss and for what you had to witness surrounding your loved ones death. I'll pray for you!
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