Is it just psychological
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 38
Is it just psychological
My AH is out of town for a business conference, left monday and is coming home tonight. I can't decide if it is just me or if the last couple of days has honestly been the best days I have had in a long time. I feel good, the house is clean, I don't find I am short tempered with my kids, I have more energy and don't immediately want to sit on the couch after I am done workign, infact I haven't really parked myself there at all like I do when he is around.
This may just be me or it may be further confirmation that my AH is an emotional sponge... draining me and dragging me down.
I think I know the answer...It feels good to write it down
This may just be me or it may be further confirmation that my AH is an emotional sponge... draining me and dragging me down.
I think I know the answer...It feels good to write it down
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 877
The toll my ex took on me was monumental, and I never realized it until he was gone.
I never yell at my kids anymore, not because they are different, but because I have more energy and am so much more patient.
I'm glad you are paying attention to how you feel when he is gone!
I never yell at my kids anymore, not because they are different, but because I have more energy and am so much more patient.
I'm glad you are paying attention to how you feel when he is gone!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 478
Yup! It just makes you not want to do anything when you watch someone else just sit there. It's almost like a resentment. "Oh, you can just sit here and not do squat? So can I, watch me!" Either that or the avoidance of having to talk about the fact that you don't do anything together anymore since I'm not just sitting there watching tv. Apparently that means I'm trying to keep busy because I don't want to be at home. Umm What?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 380
Yep. Know the exact feeling you are talking about. He takes all the wind out of my sails. And if I am working around the house he doesnt go and do his own thing - he tries to "help" and then tries to change my momentum (it's not about him so he has to make it about him). Arrggg.
I am sooo much more productive when he is not here.
It is nice to know it isnt just me too. Thanks for the post.
I am sooo much more productive when he is not here.
It is nice to know it isnt just me too. Thanks for the post.
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
The times where ah and I were temporarily seperared for a period of days or weeks were refreshing.
I wasahappy, I felt healthy , I had more energy, I rarely watched tv , I was working out daily, I was closer to friends and family and I slept normally with no weird dreams no oversleeping or odd hours. I ate better drank better and I didn't feel like I was walking on eggshells around him or paranoid about him.
Dont get me wrong there were moments away from him I wished we could talk or see eachother normally or he would just randomly be normal and sweep me off my feet and beg me to come home but It wasnt that constant stress that it is with him around.
Its kind of sad thats how we feel . The trick though is making that feeling permanent. Rooting for you
I wasahappy, I felt healthy , I had more energy, I rarely watched tv , I was working out daily, I was closer to friends and family and I slept normally with no weird dreams no oversleeping or odd hours. I ate better drank better and I didn't feel like I was walking on eggshells around him or paranoid about him.
Dont get me wrong there were moments away from him I wished we could talk or see eachother normally or he would just randomly be normal and sweep me off my feet and beg me to come home but It wasnt that constant stress that it is with him around.
Its kind of sad thats how we feel . The trick though is making that feeling permanent. Rooting for you
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 380
Originally Posted by thislonelygirl 
The times where ah and I were temporarily seperared for a period of days or weeks were refreshing.
I wasahappy, I felt healthy , I had more energy, I rarely watched tv , I was working out daily, I was closer to friends and family and I slept normally with no weird dreams no oversleeping or odd hours. I ate better drank better and I didn't feel like I was walking on eggshells around him or paranoid about him.
Dont get me wrong there were moments away from him I wished we could talk or see eachother normally or he would just randomly be normal and sweep me off my feet and beg me to come home but It wasnt that constant stress that it is with him around.
Its kind of sad thats how we feel . The trick though is making that feeling permanent. Rooting for you
I wasahappy, I felt healthy , I had more energy, I rarely watched tv , I was working out daily, I was closer to friends and family and I slept normally with no weird dreams no oversleeping or odd hours. I ate better drank better and I didn't feel like I was walking on eggshells around him or paranoid about him.
Dont get me wrong there were moments away from him I wished we could talk or see eachother normally or he would just randomly be normal and sweep me off my feet and beg me to come home but It wasnt that constant stress that it is with him around.
Its kind of sad thats how we feel . The trick though is making that feeling permanent. Rooting for you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 38
He came home last night..the anxiety is back, my eyes fill with tears as I sit here. I know what I need to do. He asked me last night what was wrong, I suppose I was rather quiet, and I couldn't tell him I was to wrapped up in my own thoughts. Do I tell him " You are sucking the life out of me one day at a time and I can't live this way" just cut right to the truth?
I think he has cut back on his drinking or maybe quit this week, I don't know, I try not to pay much attention any more, It won't be long until he is pass out on the couch setting a wonderful example for our kids again.
I think he has cut back on his drinking or maybe quit this week, I don't know, I try not to pay much attention any more, It won't be long until he is pass out on the couch setting a wonderful example for our kids again.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
My AXH traveled a lot for business -- and if he hadn't, I don't think our marriage would have lasted as long as it did.
The fact that he left and was gone a week or two gave me just enough breathing space to talk myself into believing that "it really isn't that bad" and "he's just an unhappy person" -- and then when I was at the breaking point again when he had been home for a month or so, he left again.
The difference was tremendous when he was gone. The kids were happier. It was like there was a light in the home that he snuffed out the minute he walked through the front door.
The fact that he left and was gone a week or two gave me just enough breathing space to talk myself into believing that "it really isn't that bad" and "he's just an unhappy person" -- and then when I was at the breaking point again when he had been home for a month or so, he left again.
The difference was tremendous when he was gone. The kids were happier. It was like there was a light in the home that he snuffed out the minute he walked through the front door.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Originally Posted by lillamy
My AXH traveled a lot for business -- and if he hadn't, I don't think our marriage would have lasted as long as it did.
This is the # 1 reason I have been able to hang in there for three years. My AH spent the first 9 months of his relapse working out of town, and we only saw him one weekend a month. Then he found a local job, but it was second shift, so I saw him very little. Now he's working out of town again, and we're back to once-monthly visits. If I had to be around this crap every day, I would have snapped long ago. Honestly, I'm glad I've been able to come to this point on my own, in my own time. I'm ready to leave, and I'm putting my plan in place. It has made it much easier for me to detach over these three years, not having to be around him very much, and THAT has made it easier to focus on my recovery. But I also firmly believe that part of the reason I had such a horrible, horrible time last spring, when his hours at his local job were cut and he was ultimately laid off was because we were suddenly around each other so much more. I had gotten used to having so much space from him. That awful experience last spring was the final kick in the pants I needed to start putting my plan into motion to just get out and start my life afresh.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Central Massachusetts
Posts: 2,051
I read recently that a study showed men live longer than average when married, while it's the opposite for woman. The only thing I can think of is that she keeps him in check on his eating, drinking habits while he drives her to an early grave with all the stress such habits are causing her. Btw, this had a big impact on how I treat my wife now. Doesn't the BB tell us we need to behave like partners instead of little boys?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
" You are sucking the life out of me one day at a time and I can't live this way" (smtowngirl)
That was EXACTLY how I felt. I completely understand where you are coming from.
Painful as it may be, I believe feeling like you currently do, is the kick in the ass I needed to make the decision, to sink or swim. Some days I could only float on my back, I was too hurt and tired to kick, but I kept my eye on the shore, I just knew if I could get to dry land, I would be ok.
Sending you tons of support.
That was EXACTLY how I felt. I completely understand where you are coming from.
Painful as it may be, I believe feeling like you currently do, is the kick in the ass I needed to make the decision, to sink or swim. Some days I could only float on my back, I was too hurt and tired to kick, but I kept my eye on the shore, I just knew if I could get to dry land, I would be ok.
Sending you tons of support.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Originally Posted by marie1960
Some days I could only float on my back, I was too hurt and tired to kick, but I kept my eye on the shore, I just knew if I could get to dry land, I would be ok.
Thanks for the good vibes.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: VA
Posts: 29
It has been almost three months since I have seen my AH. I cannot begin to explain all of the things that I have gotten accomplished around the house. It is like now that I no longer have him to take care of I can actually take care of EVERYTHING ELSE. I feel so good about everything that I have accomplished. I enjoy walking in the front door again. Sometimes when I think of how relieved I feel I start to cry. It's a happy cry. The relief of knowing that I endured so much and I don't have to any longer. My home is my sanctuary again.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
