Update
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
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Update
Got a message on the voicemail from his no-personality probation officer that he is in the area and has not checked in with the courts...
I don't know, but I suspect he is back out there...
So I have this wonderful letter that was a load of crap...suckered again!!
I really don't believe a word he says, but I WANT to believe...can that ever really go away?
JT
You know what just jumped into my mind? I haven't laid eyes on him since Christmas Eve (He was a very, very bad boy and I hung up on him when he started with the quacking and the fake "i am so sorries")...but he is always there...what the heck is up with that?
I havn't seen or spoken with him in person in almost 6 months...oh my word...I believe that I am losing it here....
Thanks guys!!
I don't know, but I suspect he is back out there...
So I have this wonderful letter that was a load of crap...suckered again!!
I really don't believe a word he says, but I WANT to believe...can that ever really go away?
JT
You know what just jumped into my mind? I haven't laid eyes on him since Christmas Eve (He was a very, very bad boy and I hung up on him when he started with the quacking and the fake "i am so sorries")...but he is always there...what the heck is up with that?
I havn't seen or spoken with him in person in almost 6 months...oh my word...I believe that I am losing it here....
Thanks guys!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Hi JT,
I am sorry. Are you beating yourself up for being hopeful that reovery is possible for your son? I think I rememeber when you received the letter you were cautious about whether it meant he was in recovery. Cautious but hopeful. I don't know what to say about him being always there, when can we release our children and no longer care or be affected by them?
I can see your pain and I acknowledge it. It is painful and difficult. But you are strong and can make it through. You can regain your serenity, you are making a good life for yourself in spite of the impossible circumstances. The you that you are crafting is a thing of beauty, you are one of my favorite people. You will make it I can just feel it. take good care...
I am sorry. Are you beating yourself up for being hopeful that reovery is possible for your son? I think I rememeber when you received the letter you were cautious about whether it meant he was in recovery. Cautious but hopeful. I don't know what to say about him being always there, when can we release our children and no longer care or be affected by them?
I can see your pain and I acknowledge it. It is painful and difficult. But you are strong and can make it through. You can regain your serenity, you are making a good life for yourself in spite of the impossible circumstances. The you that you are crafting is a thing of beauty, you are one of my favorite people. You will make it I can just feel it. take good care...
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Dear Just Tired
Disappointment combined with fear can do terrible things to us. I know the feeling all too well...just when we start having even a tiny bit of hope, it hurts.
It is so hard to just go on living our lives, but that is exactly what we have to do. Melody Beattie (my favourite codependent writer) lost her young son to a tragic ski accident and shares her grief in some of her books.
The thing is, we have to go forward and the only way I can do that is to turn it over to God every single day. To me it is like calling on a bodyguard for him (and for me).
You are doing so well and are much stronger than you think you are. When you get tired, please lean on us, we're all here to help support you.
Hugs and prayers
Ann
Disappointment combined with fear can do terrible things to us. I know the feeling all too well...just when we start having even a tiny bit of hope, it hurts.
It is so hard to just go on living our lives, but that is exactly what we have to do. Melody Beattie (my favourite codependent writer) lost her young son to a tragic ski accident and shares her grief in some of her books.
The thing is, we have to go forward and the only way I can do that is to turn it over to God every single day. To me it is like calling on a bodyguard for him (and for me).
You are doing so well and are much stronger than you think you are. When you get tired, please lean on us, we're all here to help support you.
Hugs and prayers
Ann
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi JT!
Something I think I have learned from talking with Dino between relapses, is that those sincere apologies are indeed sincere. He means everything he says when he says it. He is ashamed and sorry and means to do right from now on. Then he has a go-to-pieces.
I don't believe your lovely letter was a load of crap. For some reason I am thinking of a baby learning to walk. One moment upright smiling and triumphant, the next on his butt. Let's pray that your son's letter was a moment on his feet and that he wants to keep learning to walk.
Love,
Smoke
Something I think I have learned from talking with Dino between relapses, is that those sincere apologies are indeed sincere. He means everything he says when he says it. He is ashamed and sorry and means to do right from now on. Then he has a go-to-pieces.
I don't believe your lovely letter was a load of crap. For some reason I am thinking of a baby learning to walk. One moment upright smiling and triumphant, the next on his butt. Let's pray that your son's letter was a moment on his feet and that he wants to keep learning to walk.
Love,
Smoke
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
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You guys are so wonderful...I am just disappointed. I don't think it is possible to have hope without risking disappointment, do you? And I am not giving up hope... maybe his no-personality probabtion officer just hasn't checked her in-basket...stranger things have happened.
Smoke, your post especially touched me...I have heard so many "I'm sorry's" over the years that I guess I can get cynical. He does mean them...he just can't do anything else at that moment EXCEPT say he is sorry. So I will keep that in mind when I am feeling a little less than compassionate.
I went back to find that book you posted about and I am going to reserve it at the library...a little glimpse into the addictive mind can only help....
Love,
Paula AKA JT AKA Just Tired
Smoke, your post especially touched me...I have heard so many "I'm sorry's" over the years that I guess I can get cynical. He does mean them...he just can't do anything else at that moment EXCEPT say he is sorry. So I will keep that in mind when I am feeling a little less than compassionate.
I went back to find that book you posted about and I am going to reserve it at the library...a little glimpse into the addictive mind can only help....
Love,
Paula AKA JT AKA Just Tired
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It sounds to me that your son went farther this time than before. He will not lose the ground he gained. Once we know something, we can't pretend anymore that we don't know it. That's a good thing.
The things that he wrote in the letter shows that he learned more. He may not be able to live up to what he learned right now, but he now knows he's not living up to it. That's different than before.
I feel that way about my own son too. He learned a lot when he went to rehab. Now he knows what he is doing, when before he didn't. That makes me feel better even though he is still drinking. And I think he even drank more because he knew he failed his attempt to stop drinking. That was a step forward for my son because before that he did'nt even know he should quit drinking. So life goes on a step at a time with drinking in between. During one of those steps they may be able to receive that little key of information that allows them to make a committment.
Love you lots.
MG
The things that he wrote in the letter shows that he learned more. He may not be able to live up to what he learned right now, but he now knows he's not living up to it. That's different than before.
I feel that way about my own son too. He learned a lot when he went to rehab. Now he knows what he is doing, when before he didn't. That makes me feel better even though he is still drinking. And I think he even drank more because he knew he failed his attempt to stop drinking. That was a step forward for my son because before that he did'nt even know he should quit drinking. So life goes on a step at a time with drinking in between. During one of those steps they may be able to receive that little key of information that allows them to make a committment.
Love you lots.
MG
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
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Thanks MG,
...and how painful must it be to have disappointed yourself...to have hope and let yourself down...it is truly his journey and he is hurting humself more than he could ever hurt me. You guys have helped me to let go of the anger and regain my compassion.
And like I said...maybe his no-personality probation officer never checked her in-basket. After all...when he was right across the street in jail she didn't know....
Love and many thanks,
JT
...and how painful must it be to have disappointed yourself...to have hope and let yourself down...it is truly his journey and he is hurting humself more than he could ever hurt me. You guys have helped me to let go of the anger and regain my compassion.
And like I said...maybe his no-personality probation officer never checked her in-basket. After all...when he was right across the street in jail she didn't know....
Love and many thanks,
JT
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