Final stages and letting go of anger
 

My ex came over for the first time in months yesterday noon. He needed a place to be while the realtor was conducting an open house at his place, and, as he hasn't seen his teenage son in at least 3 months, I said he could come by.

He's given the bottle his marriage, his family, his great job, and soon his house (which he bought only a year ago, he's going to lose $10,000-20,000). He's still drinking.

I now barely recognize the man I married 2 decades ago. He seems unable to focus on anything...it's as if he can't really take in what's being said to him. Talks loudly and a mile a minute but seems to forget what was said 5 minutes earlier. I was thinking of bringing up some issues about our son's school but could see he wasn't really able to listen. He's hyper (left and came back 3 times, can't seem to sit still), anxious, fidgety, emotional...just a mess.

Some here may recall that he's stiffed me for our older child's college education since he was fired for drinking on the job. Setting aside my anger toward this man has been one of the biggest challenges of my life. For the first time, I think I'm making progress on that front...he is a shell of a human being. What a waste of a good mind, and, once upon a time, a decent parent. I could see flashes of his old self but not too many. He's gone.

Sad to see that downward spiral. At least you were able to give up your front row seat and get some distance. Not having to watch the daily progress of the disease has helped me let go of some anger since I left, but I am still struggling with it, sometimes daily. Sounds like this visit came at the right time for you. Sorry to hear he's declined so much and still can't see what's right in front of him. Thanks for sharing, and best wishes for you and your family.

That is sad to hear, best wishes to you and your family - letting of anger is never easy as many of us know only too well. Unresolved anger (blamed on family, parents, spouses, exes, self, siblings) defines many people's lives. Good luck!