testosteronecity

It's me again. I have a couple questions since I am new to this board. The first one is, do you drink? I don't mean out of control drinking, but I enjoy a glass of wine or a cold beer. I also know when to stop. However, I feel kind of funny drinking, when I'm wanting my husband to stop drinking. Did any of you give up alcohol even though you didn't have a problem?

Also, I have told my husband that I am planning on attending Al-Anon. He hasn't said anything, but I don't think he's thrilled about it. However, as I've looked up info on the computer, I find myself deleting things from the history file. It's not that I'm ashamed, but I want to keep harmony in the family. Do any of you do this?

Thanks,
Tracy

Morning Glory

Hi,

I would not drink in front of my son or have alcohol around when he is. I would have a drink when he is not around if I wanted to.

I also delete things when I think it would offend someone. I told someone about this board and realized I needed to do some housecleaning before they got here.

I was once again running to edit a few things.

MG

Ann

Hi Tracy

I don't drink around my son. For me it is a "respect" thing. I respect his sobriety and the fact that my drinking even a glass might bother him. He is a recovering crack addict, and never had a problem with alcohol, as a matter of fact he hardly ever drank. But he knows that alcohol is a drug and would take him right back, so he doesn't drink.

Also, my husband, who enjoued a drink but didn't have a problem with it, quit all alcohol 5 years ago for health reasons (he is diabetic). Now I know that my husband WOULD enjoy having a drink, but I respect the fact that he hasn't touched a drop, so don't drink with him either. There is no alochol in our house, and other family and friends are aware of that and respect that, and they don't bring any (at family dinners, etc).

If I am our with a friend for dinner, I will have a glass of wine sometimes. But not in my house or with my son.

If I needed to be on a diet, I would not be terribly happy to watch someone eat a big piece of gooey cake, because I would want one too.

Why rock the boat?

Hugs

JT

Hi again,

Ditto to what MG said...I won't drink around my son. I think that is a personal decision.

And when I told my family that I was going to Al Anon I was treated as tho I was naming the A an A, or betraying the family. I got alot of hostility, but I went anyway because I was sick, very sick...physically and emotionally...from all the stuff around me.

And to this day (over 10 years) my program is a very private thing. However I do leave my stuff (books and such) laying around alot more than I used to. It is a part of who I am, but I choose not to rub anyone's nose in it. That's just me.

And, MG, I had a dream (nighmare) that there was a post from my B-in-L on this board...I woke up freaking!

piggle

HI there....new here as well. I basically gave up drinking when my guy did. Actually, a little before. I began to be nauseated by the smell and taste of the alcohol. It has such negative associations with it now it is difficult to want it again. I did have one glass of wine with dinner on my Bday last year with my guy. He offered and I made sure he was fine with it, and accepted. It tasted good...and I was surprised by that...but not good enough to have another one since. I just can't forget all of what alcohol has done to my life and can't break the association between the drink and the hell. Whiskey, even the thought, can almost make me vomit LOL.

helluvagalnva

Hi -

I usually have a glass of wine with dinner. I'm a big wine connoisseur. I love going to vineyards and bed & breakfasts in the mountains of Virginia. Unlike my husband I can have one or two glasses and that's it. I also drink beer occassionaly. I don't drink around him anymore though. I guess I feel like a hypocrite drinking in front of him so i don't do it.

Take care

Love,
Galnva

Ann

Hi again-

Something I missed earlier in my reply, about going to meetings. My 12-step group is CoDA (Codependents Anonymous), and our fellowship also includes many from other fellowships, NA, AA, ACO, etc. Sames steps, except step 1 is "We admitted we were powerless over "others"...

My meetings are about ME and MY codependency, which has been a problem with me my entire life, not just when my son started using drugs, although it blossomed full bloom around that time.

My codependency is most strongly triggered by a "fear" of something bad happening to someone I love. Because bad things have happened even in my early childhood.

When I was 6, my father died of cancer. I didn't understand that cancer would kill him and spent hours of my time being his "little nurse", and I thought if I loved him enough and made sure he took his medicine that he would get better. He didn't. When I was 7, my mother was almost murdered. A freak thing...a crazy person got into our basement and when I saw him (with a mask on) I told my mother that there was a monster in our basement. She went to check, more to humour me, and there WAS a monster in the basement. He struck her with the blunt end of an axe and injured her so badly she suffered from epilepsy the rest of her life. By the grace of God, she stayed conscious and managed to get away and grab me and run to a neighbours house. The police came and got him (he hung around) and he was committed to a mental hospital. She often told me that if she hadn't known that he would kill me too, that she may not have been able to have the strength to get away. Again - I felt responsible for the outcome. I have had a fear of basements ever since. I also feared that if something happened to her, I would become an "orphan" so spent my whole life protecting her, until the time she died at 90 years of age.

I am sorry to write a book here, but think it is important to point out that for many of us, codependency is deeply rooted to childhood issues and doesn't just come and go as our A's recover and relapse. I have been in my program almost 5 years, and still have a lot of work to do.

My husband and son understand that this is something I have to do for myself, and even though I can drive them crazy with my boundaries, and step-work (I walked around for over a month answering "I am powerless" to most of their questions, before I finally got that one), and they respect what I am doing..even if they don't always agree with it.

You know, I don't often share my childhood pain because it is a private thing, and as I write it still brings a tear to my eye, but that is exactly why I need to share it (can't hide it) and why I need to stick with my program, it heals.

Hope this helps. You don't have to ever be ashamed of your program...you have a problem and you are doing something about it...which is more than I can say for most people in this world.

Hugs

bonbon

Hey there and Welcome Testosteronecity-(I hope I spelled that right, my memory is going quick <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

Never be ashamed, protect yourself though from others who have no IDEA what you go through. That is a concept I have learned over the years. My family and close friends do not understand the ilness that is rooted with me. I have accepted that and wish it could be different, hopefully with alot of work on me, I can get better.

I leave information laying around, but find myself hiding it, it is very personal to me. I get enough critiscism, I dont wish to have alot more.

I enjoy a beer or 2 every now and then. I have never liked the stuff that much, but do enjoy it sometimes.

Welcome here, and keep coming back...

((((((((Anns))))))) to you, tears were in my eyes reading your story about your parents. That must have been awful. Just think, you have 2 lovely angels looking after you now.

JT

....I just wanted to say thank you to Anns for sharing that very personal story...