LightInside

Okay, so when I first got my sponsor in Al Anon, I figured I could work on a step per month and then in a year I'd be all like "I'm doing great and I'm in recovery and all is well."

It turns out that it doesn't work that way for most people. Of course I'm feeling a little impatient. I would like to be more accepting of all that I can't control, but the grief of losing my dreams is a long process to work through.

I'm just wondering how long other people spent working on Step 1 before they felt that they truly admitted they were powerless over alcohol and other people and felt like they could move to Step 2. I know that this is different for different people and everything. I'm just wondering what kind of range I will see if I ask around.

How long did you spend on Step 1 before you were ready for Step 2?

BlueSkies1

I'm not an al anon person but I will say that recognizing and letting go of trying to control things we can't is an ongoing lifetime process. We get better at it.
The reality of life is to me:
We don't control the the universe, the weather.
We don't control other people, not even our own kids.
We don't control our luck, good or bad, our boss, our job, or the day we die.
We don't even control our bodies. We are at their mercy for good health and in working order.
We don't even control our own minds. So much happens subconsciously. Self-awareness is an ongoing life process too.
Now we begin to see just how little we do control. It's frighteningly a small amount.

That's about the point I think step 2.

bi11fish

Step 1 is the only step I needed to do perfectly everyday, the rest of the Steps are for my lifestyle. I had to stop thinking and just do it. Reflect on the Serenity prayer and see all 12 Steps in a few short verses.

honeypig

LightInside, I think as you progress thru the steps, you'll start to see that they are not a "one and done" progression. It's kind of like going to church or any other ongoing spiritual process--you'll be working on it throughout your life. Hope that doesn't sound too discouraging. I know when I first started Alanon I was VERY put off by those who told me I'd be doing this forever!

However, as time goes on, you start to see exactly why it IS an ongoing process and to realize that you not only have to but want to continue working thru the steps on a regular basis. As you grow and change, as your life changes, you'll see so many things differently, and each time thru the steps will be different, as you'll have a different perspective and mindset each time.

I know this doesn't directly answer your question of "how long should I spend on the first step?" but I hope it does answer a larger question for you.

m1k3

Hi lightinside,

What I learned is the first step isn't about giving up control, it's about giving up the illusion of control. As blueskies said we can't control much of anything.

What I got out of it was the only thing I can control is how I choose to respond to what is happening around me and inside my head.

I can either continue to run on auto pilot or I can take a deep breath and respond on purpose. I have a choice. I have done a bunch of reading on mindfulness which has really helped me develop a mindfulness practice and slowly learn how slow done and not just react.

One of the interesting things is that by doing this you can actually rewire your brain, one Doctor has been doing studies and can see the difference in pre and post mindfulness training MRIs.

For me, step one is not about getting someplace, it's about developing a new and better way to live, about learning how slow down, let go and begin to get some serenity into my life.

Your friend,

fluffyflea

We are always on Step One. Our character defects can crop up at any time.

allysen

I've been in Al-Anon for almost 1.5 years. I still sit at Step 1 most of the time, and on occasion Steps 2 & 3. One of the people in my group has been a member for 26 years. She told me that, in her opinion, the first few years in Al-Anon are when new members should just do 'The beginner's Dance' meaning: Step 1-2-3, Step 1-2-3, Step 1-2-3, Step 1-2-3.

atalose

Years ago, my ex told me I was like a "director" telling everyone what to do and how to do it. LOL and o boy was I

I'm a visual person so each morning after I read my daily mediation I sit and close my eyes and picture a directors chair. In my mind I picture folding that chair up and putting it into a closet then locking the closet door and repeating to myself - not your job not your job not your job. Then I go about my day and when I feel the urge to tell someone else what or how they should live their lives I picture that locked closet and it helps me NOT to open my mouth but to just listen!!

NWGRITS

I start every day at Step 1. My issues aren't just with the A in my life. The lessons learned in Al-Anon have benefited me in all of my personal relationships. My marriage is better and I'm a better parent. It probably took me about 24 years to understand the meaning of the step and how to work it in my life. Ok, once I started working the steps, it took a few weeks to able to truly let go. But it really was a lifetime leading up to that.