Cant help feeling guilty
 

I cant stop feeling guilty about how I treated my mum in the last stages of her illness. I feel like I treated her like she was just a hassle. I didnt know she was going to die but I cant help feel terrible for the things I said and shouting at her.

Hi Majeebix,

Alcoholism and addiction are such horrible things--truly they affect the entire family. I can't begin to tell you the frustration and anger that I have because of the drinking and drugging by members of my family. Trying to remain a part of the day-to-day life of an active alcoholic is crazy-making stuff.

Please don't be too hard on yourself. I think your mother might really like it if you made your life everything it could be....peaceful, joyful, productive....happy! And if that means, perhaps, seeing a counselor for a bit to work through all of these things, then more power to you!!

I hope you will stick around and learn all you can about alcoholism and addiction, it really helped me, and I think it might help you, too, with some of the feelings you are having to work through now.

Mayjee---At least you were trying to be there (it sounds like?). Dealing with the demands of selfish and self-centered alcoholics is more than some of can take at all!

You did not deliberately try to hurt a dying woman. If you know this to be true--the Universe also knows it. Take comfort, there.

dandylion

Thanks guys I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. All the points you make are true its just so hard to change how you feel. Its all quite raw at the moment and I just hope with time it will get easier.

No matter how much we yell and scream at our family, our very presence communicates our love. Who else would stick around to argue and scream all the time. Only family. I am absolutely POSITIVE that your Mom knew you loved her. Words are NOT LOVE. Love is far stronger than anything that comes out of our mouth. You were her Baby and as a Mom, I know that my love for my children is immeasurable regardless of what they say or do. It's unconditional. That's just the way Mom's are. Rest well Sweetie. Mom loves you, she did and she does..from wherever she is now!

xoxo