HopefulinFLA

I stopped drinking sometime ago in support of AH's repeated attempts to quit. I tried to put myself in his shoes and decided that if it were me it would be very difficult to stop if he were drinking right in front of me.

I've always enjoyed a few beers or a glass of wine, but what it came down to is priorities. His ability to find sobriety far outweighed my enjoyment of a few alcoholic beverages. I've subsequently learned to have just as much fun without! This is not to say that I'll never have another drink, but for now it's what I feel is the right thing to do in my situation.

Although sobriety is his choice and I can't do anything to really help him or make it easier, I can stop doing things that would make it more difficult for him to stop.

PaperDolls

I think removing the alcohol is a supportive thing to do. Helpful even.

BUT ..... an alcoholic will not quit drinking because there is no alcohol in the house; they also will not get sober because of it.

I hope that makes sense to you.

anona

My husband asked me to remove the vanilla too!! REALLY?? I can't imagine drinking that stuff. Not a big deal to remove it but that kind of shocked me.

Fathom

What you are grappling with is tough, but I think you are dealing with feelings that reach beyond a choice between your marriage or your hobby. I see your hobby as symbolic of your lifestyle the way you would choose to live it. In my opinion, we don't even realize how much of ourselves we have given up to our alcoholic's choices until we finally decide to reclaim our own life choices.

By the time I left my AH and started living on my own terms again, I really had a hard time reconnecting with what my "normal" behaviors were. I was no longer spontaneous socially because my AH had thrown a fit anytime i didnt give at least a week's notice of any changes to the evening schedule (although more than three day's notice and he would forget). My creativity had been squashed by low self esteem brought on by years of demeaning and dismissive treatment from my AH. I no longer sang EVER, or drew, or made crafts just for the heck of it. Our leisure time was taken up with what he wanted to do, or else he would make it a miserable time.

Finally, I realized he was a raging alcoholic and I had been deep in denial for so many years. He started to seek recovery soon after I left him and I tried to remain positive for him, but from a distance. I felt strong resentment toward him for two reasons: 1) I was finally realizing how much of myself I had lost over the years (and i blamed him although i deserve a good portion of that blame too) and 2) I really liked having a life that did not revolve around alcoholism. I didn't want to learn about it. I didn't want to think about it. And, now, I was looking at an entire lifetime with a potentially perpetually recovering (hopefully not relapsing) alcoholic. That doesn't ever go away!

Well, now the alcoholic is not so much a part of my life anymore, but alcoholism still is. No, I'm not addicted, but I am very sensitive to it all around me. I don't think I can successfully put my head in the sand again now that I understand the destructive potential of alcoholism. However, I am not as resentful about that as I was a year ago. I have learned more about life, and people, and unhealthy dynamics... But, I have also learned A LOT more about myself, my strength, and how I can continue to grow in the directions I want to take. And how to choose those directions!

It's your choice, Woodman. You get to choose what you want to do. You also get to choose your attitude when life throws you a curve ball. Resentments and anger, I think, are good for getting our attention. But they are just signals that we have to either change what we're doing or change our attitude about it.

Wishing you peace,

Fathom

Flavia2

Hmm, what is it with alcoholics and vodka? That's what AH drinks. I think he thinks it doesn't smell, but he smells like vodka. How much of it do you need to drink before you start to smell like vodka?

ichabod

My RAH never asked me to abstain from drinking. I've never been much of a drinker anyway but when he was in early recovery I would have felt cruel drinking in front of him. It's like being on a diet and watching your spouse savor your favorite off limits food. It isn't considerate.

4 years on, we still don't keep alcohol in the house but if we are out I will occasionally have a drink or two and it doesn't bother him.