My boyfriend's drinking is pushing me
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: austin
Posts: 2
My boyfriend's drinking is pushing me
My boyfriend has a drinking problem and I don't think I can take it much longer. I have a history of being with guys with this issue except my ex used to get abusive and he doesn't. He does however at times say hurtful things to me...
We went to school together and caught up after about 10 years and hit it off we are both 27 and I have two kids from my ex that he has taken responsibility for. He is such a great guy doesn't for the drinking. When we got together I changed everything about his life he was single different girls whenever he wanted and didn't really have any responsibilities. He had me quit working so I can go to school but I get disability so I do help out.
We are now having a baby so he has lost his drinking buddy but in all honesty i never really enjoyed drinking too the extent he does it was more to be on his level and not so annoyed.... After 2 miscarriages this is a blessing but lately I've been considering an abortion bc I refuse to be tied to someone who can't even try.we argue about drinking all the time and there will be a day or two where he cuts way down but every other day he drinks a 6 pack or 12 pack a day. Everyone he knows drinks and I think that a man should be able to say no if it's something he really wanted to do.
I'm so tired of this constant battle. I don't know what to do. I love him so much and so do my kids and he's a great dad.... I want this baby more than anything but not if this is what the future holds. I want to be with my boyfriend and is not the same person when he's drinking....
I'd appreciate any advice.Thanks
We went to school together and caught up after about 10 years and hit it off we are both 27 and I have two kids from my ex that he has taken responsibility for. He is such a great guy doesn't for the drinking. When we got together I changed everything about his life he was single different girls whenever he wanted and didn't really have any responsibilities. He had me quit working so I can go to school but I get disability so I do help out.
We are now having a baby so he has lost his drinking buddy but in all honesty i never really enjoyed drinking too the extent he does it was more to be on his level and not so annoyed.... After 2 miscarriages this is a blessing but lately I've been considering an abortion bc I refuse to be tied to someone who can't even try.we argue about drinking all the time and there will be a day or two where he cuts way down but every other day he drinks a 6 pack or 12 pack a day. Everyone he knows drinks and I think that a man should be able to say no if it's something he really wanted to do.
I'm so tired of this constant battle. I don't know what to do. I love him so much and so do my kids and he's a great dad.... I want this baby more than anything but not if this is what the future holds. I want to be with my boyfriend and is not the same person when he's drinking....
I'd appreciate any advice.Thanks
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
Alot of weight on your shoulders and mind.
I think the most important part is what do you want to do? Not what you dont want but do?
Right now it is what its is. He is what he is. Who knows when or if that part of his life will be over.
What you can control is yourself. You can handle you and make choices for you.
What have you done to do so? What steps are you taking for yourvrecovery?
Its ok. We all struggle and feel how you do BUT a decision is to be made if you want what's left of your sanity. In the middle doesnt work.
Stay with him and accept that you cannot force change. Take action in your recovery. Detach. Have your baby.
Or
Leave . Dont have baby. Carry on with your life without the weight of HIS drinking.
I cant say what is the better choice but keep in mind that you are the caretaker to your own happiness. Your childrens (healthy happy mom) and sometimes that means hard things....then again you know if its a hard decision to be done or a decision youll come to regret.
One thing is for certain right now. You need a intervention for yourself.
You need a little recovery in your life.
Being pregnant and stressed while with an alcoholic cant be the best situation.
I think the most important part is what do you want to do? Not what you dont want but do?
Right now it is what its is. He is what he is. Who knows when or if that part of his life will be over.
What you can control is yourself. You can handle you and make choices for you.
What have you done to do so? What steps are you taking for yourvrecovery?
Its ok. We all struggle and feel how you do BUT a decision is to be made if you want what's left of your sanity. In the middle doesnt work.
Stay with him and accept that you cannot force change. Take action in your recovery. Detach. Have your baby.
Or
Leave . Dont have baby. Carry on with your life without the weight of HIS drinking.
I cant say what is the better choice but keep in mind that you are the caretaker to your own happiness. Your childrens (healthy happy mom) and sometimes that means hard things....then again you know if its a hard decision to be done or a decision youll come to regret.
One thing is for certain right now. You need a intervention for yourself.
You need a little recovery in your life.
Being pregnant and stressed while with an alcoholic cant be the best situation.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3
Hi There and thanks for your post! Glad you are reaching out and I'm sending hugs your way!! You are also growing a beautiful angel eyes inside you...what a blessing indeed!! Stay focused on nurturing yourself, your children and your growing babycakes...You will make the right decision...follow your gut, what you believe is the right thing to do. You and only you will own your decisions...So, when you are 30, 40, 50 years old and so on make sure you and your loved ones will feel good about the choices you made during that trying time ...be a mama bear and you will prevail!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
The unfortunate thing is that the "drinking guy" and the "sober guy" are NOT 2 different guys. They are one and the same. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and will never get better, only worse, if he doesn't seek recovery. You will see less and less of the "sober guy" and more and more of the "drinking guy."
From the sound of things, recovery is not on his radar anywhere. And you cannot "help" him or make him want to get sober. You can't control him or his drinking.
All you can do is take care of yourself. I would strongly recommend getting to an Alanon meeting ASAP. Here's the link to help you find a meeting. http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ Alanon is for YOU, not him, and will provide you with support and education about what you're up against as well as helping you see more clearly so you can decide what path you want to take.
If you have any doubts about the effect of growing up in an alcoholic household on your children, visit the Children of Alcoholics section of this board. That may help you see your path clearly too.
Wishing you strength and clarity.
From the sound of things, recovery is not on his radar anywhere. And you cannot "help" him or make him want to get sober. You can't control him or his drinking.
All you can do is take care of yourself. I would strongly recommend getting to an Alanon meeting ASAP. Here's the link to help you find a meeting. http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ Alanon is for YOU, not him, and will provide you with support and education about what you're up against as well as helping you see more clearly so you can decide what path you want to take.
If you have any doubts about the effect of growing up in an alcoholic household on your children, visit the Children of Alcoholics section of this board. That may help you see your path clearly too.
Wishing you strength and clarity.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: austin
Posts: 2
Thank you for all your responses I know whatever I decide won't be easy. Honeypig-i grew up in a home with an alcoholic so I know what it is like and I in no way want that for my babies. I have been strong and silent up until now but last night was just my breaking point and decisions need to be made.
He doesn't want to stop drinking. And I know me saying I'm going to leave or having a baby will change that... I don't know...
Thank you again. ; (
He doesn't want to stop drinking. And I know me saying I'm going to leave or having a baby will change that... I don't know...
Thank you again. ; (
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