Leftover

My AS has developed an additional wrinkle in his addiction. He is claiming PTSD due to abuse suffered as a child. By claiming the abuse he is able to receive his prescribed drug of choice while telling awesome stories of sexual abuse. I can't decide if he is just manipulating people to get what he wants or has he developed a brain disorder due to drug and alcohol abuse. He refuses to see us or let us see his children. I'm heartbroken to think of the people he is slandering in order to get what he wants. What can I do. I have spent 20 years dealing with his addiction and just in the last two years have been able to detach with love. Although he does'nt think I did it with love...that's why he won't allow me to see him or his children. Ay suggestions as to what I should do now?

Taking5

"Confabulation" is a fancy word for making stuff up, is actually a symptom of Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome, aka Wet Brain. He may even believe every word he says. How old is he? Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome usually takes a while to develop. Google it up if you want to read some scary stuff.

As to what to do now, short of having him declared mentally incompetent, which is not an easy or cheap task, you have 2 choices. If he won't let you see the kids, you can either continue to try to change his mind or you can accept reality.

Hammer

Mrs. Hammer has pulled some variations of this nonsense on her dad in the past, it all blew up during one of her suicide routines, and then she claimed it was made up . . .

Really you can not try to put sensibility onto crazy. About like trying to run a train down a dirt road.

Long term addictions often cover or carry mental illness with them. Commonly called "co-morbidity," or if (attempted) to be diagnosed and treated "dual diagnosis."

Are the kids well taken care of?

Hammer

btw, for this part . . .

When "enablers" stop . . . some A's tend to get enraged. Sort of like super temper tantrums. Sort of like they think they will be able to control you with their own emotions that they cannot control.

For you -- have you looked into Alanon, Celebrate Recovery, etc.?

fourmaggie

thats what i was gonna ask...the children, are they well taken care of..and what about them?

Leftover

There is a wife in this story and she is his enabler. She takes care of the children although doesn't always put them first. I do worry about the children, because his behavior is so weird now. I don't know why she stays, except she has her own issues unrelated to drug addiction. You're right Hammer, he's been told "NO" by his parents and siblings and now he won't allow any contact. He is 40 and been using and abusing since college, perhaps high school. He has probably been in rehab 10 times, sober houses, intensive care, psych wards, homeless shelter, jail, Christian treatment.....we have honestly turned ourselves inside out supporting and encouraging him. Guess what? HE IS STILL AN ACTIVE USER. I find it so hard to realize and accept that I will not see his children or him again. I've been I Alanon and private counseling, but this is hard, real hard.

I know there is only acceptance and believe me I'm trying!

Hammer

Your story is not untypical of early teenage "users' especially when crossed with some of the various Personality Disorder type mental illness. Borderline, Narcissist, Bipolar, etc., which sort of track together in all this and are often confused and confusing.

The take-away in all that is there is generally some measurable "hardware" level brain problems involved, centered around the emotional centers. The various addictions actually tend to reduce the Emotional Dysregulation, but at a cost of the addiction.

Unfortunately I know too much of what I speak. Been through this with Mrs. Hammer for some years now. She has been through Alcohol, Drugs, Cutting, Eating Disorder (returned from rehab 10 months ago), now Chronic Lying. Just goes on and on.

For years I had/have been her chief enabler. During her rehab I got serious with Alanon, and stopped my part in the games. She is now enraged with me for that, and her mother has taken the role. MIL was generally a close second to me for years, anyway.

Had dealt with Crazy Stories regarding her dad. I went and did formal apologies and amends for my part in that this Spring. Crazy world in the Long Term, co-morbid, mind.

choublak

How do you know about this? Did he tell you?

Leftover

Yes, Choublak. Just recently he told me a fantastic story about his sexual abuse that occurred when he was a little boy, about seven. Im his mom and he has always lived with me. While he was telling me, I was thinking 'that never happened'. The story was unbelievable. Had it been true he would have been hospitalized or dead. He also included me in the story, saying he had told me and I did nothing. Saying he was vomiting and sitting on ice and I never noticed. None of it true. He has named his father and 100s of men as his abusers. His father and I divorced when he was 1 year old. One thing that scares me is what stories he tells people about me. I wonder if I should tell his father what he is saying. I believe he has conjured up this story to be diagnosed with PTSD and thus be prescribed the benzos he so dearly loves. What should I do? Do I just ignore his stories. When he told me I suggested he file charges against his father. He of course said no and did not want to discuss it. Believe me when I say this story is too fantastic to be true.

choublak

If he's telling you about how he "convinced" the doctor to prescribe him benzos, I don't think it's a brain disorder...

It's mind games.

DoubleBarrel

You can't reasonably determine any mental issues with an Un-recovered alcoholic,,because the addiction itself can mimic all kinds of stuff.

I had people CONVINCED I was bipolar.

Nope. The highs and lows were just what stage of using I was in.

Leftover

He never told me he was telling Stories to convince the doctors. He said he was diagnosed with PTSD because of the abuse. When I asked "what abuse?" He told me the story. He has overdosed twice on prescribed benzos and alcohol since his most recent diagnoses. He claims to be having seizures also. Brain scans show no seizure activity even in the midst of one. More prescribed medication for pseudo seizures. Is it possible he truly believes he was abused? Is it possible he has so much brain damage that he imagined all this.? Could he just be telling this to gain meds and in the process used the story to hurt me?