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newcomer - divorce with child

Old 09-27-2013, 09:41 PM
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Question newcomer - divorce with child

I have struggled for two years with several questions:

If the soon-to-be-ex alcoholic spouse is still actively drinking, how does the sober spouse best protect their young child in a divorce, given that the law presumes almost 50/50?

Here are the facts about STBX:
* Six to 10 beers per day plus a handle of vodka (hidden) every few days
* Wouldn't do inpatient, dropped AA
* Failed random alcohol tests at binge drinking levels, recently
* Verbally abusive and once violently shook child

Attorneys say the best I can get is an injunction against drinking several hours before and during possession. Al Anon folks say don't require testing, Soberlink, etc., because of course you can't control the drinking. I accept that I can't control it. I just want my child to not be in danger, physically or emotionally.

Why would state legislators pass a law that presumes it is in the best interest of a child to have as much contact as possible with an angry, abusive alcoholic parent?

Do I have to wait until our child is physically harmed or is driven drunk (with an arrest and conviction) before a court will do something?

I used to pray that God would help me be able to protect our child. Now I am praying for God to protect our child.

Thanks, and I appreciate the sanity I get from reading SR.
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Old 09-27-2013, 09:52 PM
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Originally Posted by peaceofpi View Post

Attorneys say the best I can get is an injunction against drinking several hours before and during possession.
sounds like the best starting plan
it's nothing new
I have heard of some drunks being put on this same program
many with time will fail

on the first failing if and when it comes
contact the courts (with proof is best)
the courts (usually) will tighten up there grip on the drunk at this time
too much and supervised visits may be required

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Old 09-27-2013, 09:58 PM
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Hi Pieceofpi. I'm real new here and I may be going out on a limb, but I'm also going through the divorce process and can only share the advice I've been given. My ex is not an alcohol abuser (that'd be me) but let's just say I've had my concerns for their safety in my ex's care. The advice I've been given and have mostly followed is to keep a diary and record of EVERYTHING. Voicemails & texts are especially helpful as they can be saved. Otherwise, write down every Shi**y encounter you have with your ex, and make sure that you're the one keeping your cool in stressful situations. Best way to build a case.

I hope the best for you.
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Old 09-28-2013, 06:53 AM
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Attorneys say the best I can get is an injunction against drinking several hours before and during possession.
How is the injunction enforced? If there is no testing, is he to be on the honor system?
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Old 09-28-2013, 11:11 AM
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Has he shown up drunk picking up the child? Ever seem forceful to pick up the child when drunk? If you called it in after he picked up the child, that would probably have an impact on his custody rights, especially if he forced you to let the child go with him.
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Old 09-28-2013, 08:48 PM
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Originally Posted by RhodeIsland View Post
Has he shown up drunk picking up the child? Ever seem forceful to pick up the child when drunk? If you called it in after he picked up the child, that would probably have an impact on his custody rights, especially if he forced you to let the child go with him.
Thank you. I keep the license plate and car description written in my phone in case I need to quickly call 911 if STBXA is drunk at exchanges. A of course won't get out of car and also wants to do pickup and dropoff at school, so nobody can see/smell the evidence.
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