MTSlideAddict

I went to my second face-to-face Al-Anon meeting earlier this week, and it felt really good. The first one I went to was a year or so back, but I wasn’t ready to commit to the Al-Anon program. This time it is different. I have been working the steps and sharing with an online Al-Anon group, but with the advice of my therapist I decided to go to a face-to-face meeting. Upon a discussion with my therapist regarding needing more physical and friendship support the obvious answer was to attend a local Al-Anon meeting. I was nervous, because on an online support group you can hide, dismiss, and avoid your true emotions, but in person you cannot avoid these raw emotions. You also do not get the opportunity to receive the physical hugs or see the supporting facial expressions of others when you are online, both of which are great forms of connections. It is just another important support mechanism that I am lacking. I am actually quite shy in person and timid to making friends, and the thought of sharing in front of an entire group was very nerve-racking. I tried to avoid going in person all together, but I think it will be good to get that support especially since not only am I trying to not to be physically and financially dependent on my AH any longer, but I am trying to gain emotional independence as well. I even tried to avoid going the day I had “planned” to go by trying to fill up my free time with complete unimportant tasks. After I financed a really expensive computer, that I really shouldn’t have purchased but really wanted, just to fill up time to avoid meetings I looked at the schedule to find one last meeting about five minutes from the electronic store. I knew it was a sign that I was meant to attend that one. I have to tell you that it was great. I did not share yet, but I felt a sense of acceptance and belonging in that meeting as I sat quietly and listened to my story being told through the others who shared their stories. I’m going again next week to the same meeting, and hopefully will be able to attend a few others on my days off

m1k3

Good for you.

Don't feel you need to share, you'll know when it' right for you.

My current group is the one place where I feel totally safe. Everyone needs a place like that.

Your friend,

Mike

honeypig

MTSlide, I am just so happy when I read posts like this one! Thanks for posting about your experience. Sometimes when folks come here and post, wondering why they should go to Alanon or what it could possibly offer, it's so much better if I can just reply with a link to a thread like this one or any of the many others from people who have gone to Alanon and experienced what it's like to be on the one hand understood and accepted, but yet on the other hand not allowed to get away w/anything less than honesty and a real effort.

I just got back from the meeting I go to most consistently, which is not an actual Alanon meeting but a 12-step Buddhist-flavored recovery group. It was a GREAT meeting today--we had a slightly larger group than usual, which was nice, and a good section of our current book to discuss (reading One Breath at a Time). I think every single person there said something that I found helpful, insightful, funny, thought-provoking or some combination of the above! What a really excellent bunch of folks, and there is simply no way I would have met these people if not for this 12-step group. One of the things I'm most impressed with in this group is how, as time has gone by, it seems that each of us has begun to identify problems we have that initially we TOTALLY denied as something that affected us!

For instance, we have a number of women who see themselves as pretty strong and independent. Thru listening to others share over the course of time, several of us who 3 months ago would have sworn up and down that we had NO codependent traits whatso-freaking-EVER have come to see that codependency is not what we thought it was (or not ONLY what we thought it was), and that yes, it IS very present in our lives! And if you look at the 3 A's, Awareness, Acceptance and Action, well, now we are at Awareness. We're getting started, at least, working on something we didn't even see until recently.

I do agree, MTSlide, that an online group may not work out as well as an in-person one, for the reasons you state. I belonged to 2 different email groups for a while. It seemed people wanted some kind of benefit but without committing any real time or energy to the cause; I did not see much ESH there. But that could have been just the luck of the draw for me, don't know for sure.

Anyway, before I got rambling here, I just wanted to second how absolutely invaluable a good group can be, NOT just for dealing with directly alcohol-related issues but in dealing with LIFE....so glad that it's working well for you!

Recovering2

I'm so glad you had a good meeting! I love this site, but the face to face is crucial for me. I didn't share for several weeks after joining AlAnon, I actually sat and cried through most of the meetings. But I felt safe, I didn't feel judged for crying. I still know it's the one place I can say/share whatever I feel and there will be no criticism or eye rolling, only acceptance.