New here. Wondering about talking to children about alcoholism and personal boundarie
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
as a mother to children with an alcoholic. it makes me sad. your probably like me . feeling stuck and trying to find ground while wanting to protect your children needless to say we cant . not with an alcoholic in the house . they see all and know all. let alone with violence.
talk to your children. tell them. my oldest is 7 and ive told him whats going on. my youngest knows somethings up but too young to comprehend exactly what.
also as far as boundaries
i think a better boundary is if you drink i will blank. if youdrink i wont blank
rather than saying after 3 drinks
once an alcoholic has that first sip. its hard if not impossible to stop.
aside from that because he is an alcoholic encouraging any amount of drinking is not the best idea.
i wouldnt do it. it sends mixed signals to a drunk tard addict.just what it is. they arent addicts for nothing.
also for a boundary to work it has to be enforced. hard i know but that's your part in your recovery.
itll be difficult to enforce another room boundary like that too since your relying on the addict to follow the rules. i dont know about your hubs but mine will follow me room to room or take up living space.
so insisting that a boundary be if you drink i wont be in the same room with you sounds more of a punishment for you and one thats not so cut and dry imo.
whatever boundary you make ....make sure its within reason and ability.
you cant ground him to his room but maybe from the house?
whatever you do. best wishes to you. your in a pickle but there are waysto not be.
please take care of yourself. document everything you can and hide it too.
just in case
talk to your children. tell them. my oldest is 7 and ive told him whats going on. my youngest knows somethings up but too young to comprehend exactly what.
also as far as boundaries
i think a better boundary is if you drink i will blank. if youdrink i wont blank
rather than saying after 3 drinks
once an alcoholic has that first sip. its hard if not impossible to stop.
aside from that because he is an alcoholic encouraging any amount of drinking is not the best idea.
i wouldnt do it. it sends mixed signals to a drunk tard addict.just what it is. they arent addicts for nothing.
also for a boundary to work it has to be enforced. hard i know but that's your part in your recovery.
itll be difficult to enforce another room boundary like that too since your relying on the addict to follow the rules. i dont know about your hubs but mine will follow me room to room or take up living space.
so insisting that a boundary be if you drink i wont be in the same room with you sounds more of a punishment for you and one thats not so cut and dry imo.
whatever boundary you make ....make sure its within reason and ability.
you cant ground him to his room but maybe from the house?
whatever you do. best wishes to you. your in a pickle but there are waysto not be.
please take care of yourself. document everything you can and hide it too.
just in case
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
Originally Posted by oliveyu 
I am in counseling. I suffer from PTSD and OCD. PTSD from growing up with a bipolar mother and suffering through stalking, physical abuse, rape, pregnancy through rape and the subsequent adoption, then two very emotionally and financially abusive marriages before meeting my current husband who was quite the catch until he started drinking more and more. 
I underwent EMDR therapy and my PTSD has been cured so at least that no longer clouds my interactions with my husband because that was a big problem, I couldn't deal with just the issues in our marriage because I was also dealing with every other issue I ever had in the past at the same time. Counseling is helping a great deal. I am able to feel much more detached from his behavior and decisions and I feel stronger.
I can't accept this any longer. I just can't do it but I don't want my marriage to end.
I underwent EMDR therapy and my PTSD has been cured so at least that no longer clouds my interactions with my husband because that was a big problem, I couldn't deal with just the issues in our marriage because I was also dealing with every other issue I ever had in the past at the same time. Counseling is helping a great deal. I am able to feel much more detached from his behavior and decisions and I feel stronger. I can't accept this any longer. I just can't do it but I don't want my marriage to end.
im with you on not wanting to accept the life with an addict anymore too and want to make things work . which is the stuckfeeling i mentioned. fearing we will have to choose just dont want to or know how
its good youve been to counseling. the biggest thing you can do is put YOUR recovery first.
im currently working the steps and sort of going on a spiritualjourney.
everyday i spend time away from my ah and i read. anything . everything. i do step study and read up on codependancy and alcoholism.
i do think making time for youvaway from him will benefit you.
his behavior is inexcusable. we all have problens but we dont physicallyassault others.
big ole hugs
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Dear Olive,
I am so sorry that this is happening to you. You have had enough on your plate already. You said that you are currently seeing a therapist, but that you have been working on your past issues, have you told your therapist anything about your current situation?
I think that is where you should begin. You have already built up a trust with this person.
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
I am so sorry that this is happening to you. You have had enough on your plate already. You said that you are currently seeing a therapist, but that you have been working on your past issues, have you told your therapist anything about your current situation?
I think that is where you should begin. You have already built up a trust with this person.
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Originally Posted by oliveyu
Also can someone tell me how to prevent replies here from going to my email? It is connected to my cell phone and husband is always flipping through my phone and I do NOT want him to see my posting or the replies here.
If you will click on the 'User CP' link at the upper left of the main forum page, it will take you to a page where you can 'Edit Options'. This is where you can change the settings so that you no longer automatically subscribe to your own threads.
For your existing thread, you can click on 'Quick Links' in the upper right of the main forum page. There you will find a link to your 'Subscribed Threads' and you can change your notification settings.
Let me know if you have any problems!
Best,
Seren
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