Cristi

Hello everyone. I'd first like to say that I think you people are extremely brave. Addiction to alcohol is a very difficult disease to battle I'm sure. I give you all props. Anyway's, the reason I'm here to talk about my husband and his drinking habits. There is no problems with our marriage and everything is wonderful. However, my daughter is in town staying w/ us for a bit and mentioned that my husband is an alcoholic! I was stunned and angry at first, but now I'm more concerned. So here's the deal.

When we first met, he told me he loved beer and was a pretty big beer drinker. He wanted to know if that was going to be a problem. I said "well, no, not as long as your not a falling down drunk". He laughed and said "no, I'm not" and that was that. We dated, married and to this day I have never seen my husband "drunk" per se. Not once. We have been married now 15 years.

He actually has his own "drinking rules" that he lives by to keep himself from getting out of control. And I must say that in 15 years he has amazingly never broke these rules not one single time. His rules are (yes I'm serious, these are his rules he lives by). 1. He never drinks more then a 6 pack at a time. 2. He never drinks a beer before 7 pm. and 3. He will not drink even one beer and drive. Not even one.

Okay, sorry for long story. Given the fact that he lives by these rules and he NEVER breaks these rules I always felt like his drinking was well under control and I never gave it a second thought. But now my daughter say's that drinking a 6 pack of beer every night makes him a HUGE alcoholic. Is that true?? Should I ask him to stop or slow down? He drinks at home and home only so I've been secretly monitoring his beer consumption nightly and it really don't seem overboard to me, but I have some serious beer drinkers in my family so maybe I'm not looking at this right.

Here is his total beer consumption for this week. (these are regular domestic beers). Mon (5), Tue (6), wed (5), Thur (6). Friday (6) Sat (5). and tonight he has yet to start. Oh, and I guess I should also mention that he drinks super super slow. He drinks about one beer every 30-40 minutes or so and often goes several minutes in between beers (like 20-30 minutes). So it takes him from about 9 pm to 3 am to drink 5 or 6 beers. Any thoughts?? Should I be concerned??

pravchaw

He does not appear to be an alcoholic, but certainly a very heavy drinker. Looks like he is not (yet?) experiencing negative consequences.
Here are some guidelines which may be helpful. CAMH: Canada

fluffyflea

Has he lost jobs because of drinking?

Has he abused you ever physically,emotionally,verbally?

Does he have DUI,s?

Has he ever been falling down drunk?

Does he have blackouts?

Does he become angry,belligerent when he drinks?

Tuffgirl

It really isn't that easy to classify someone as an alcoholic. I remember my Dad calling me absolutely incensed that some AARP questionnaire deemed him an alcoholic because he drinks wine every night. I really don't think it is as much about the amount of alcohol consumed as it is the way one drinks and the problems is causes in one's life.

I like craft beers. A lot. Some nights I may have nothing. Or one, or on a weekend I may splurge and have 3 while watching a movie. On a hot day, I may have a beer at 3pm. On symphony evenings, I have wine at intermission.

But so far, no one has complained about my drinking. I don't drink enough to be hung over (hate that!) and I rarely drink anything and drive. My personality doesn't change, I am not obsessed about alcohol. If I had to quit drinking completely, I wouldn't like it, but I'd do it. I'd do it if it bothered my kids or my significant other. If it effected my job.

So to say he's an alcoholic because of the volume is misleading.

If it ain't broken, why try to fix it??!! Make sense?

velma929

That's a lot of beer.

If he's drinking until 3 am, how does he get up for work in the morning? No problems with his employment?

He may not look or act drunk, but that much alcohol is hard on one's liver. Additionally, that he can't go an evening without drinking would, to me, indicate a problem.

He never acts drunk because his body has become habituated to having 5 or 6 beers a night. Like any other drug, it will take more and more to have the desired "high."

thislonelygirl

Some alcoholics are functional ones and then theres alcohol abuse which isnt alcoholism. Its only abusing the use of alcohol.
Ask him to go a few days without...just the two of you no beer. Come. Up with a reason.
How does he respond ....does he act strange or cave?
But honestly there are people who just love to drink and dont have a problem.
Its a problem when the person HAS to have it .
The best way to know is to read up on it and see if he needs to drink.
Thats the best answer I can give otherwise it might just be abuse of alcohol

thislonelygirl

Correction...even alcohol abuse IS a problem.

Its either hes a functional alcoholic (which is still not good)
Or
Possibly alcohol abuse (I know people who drink alot...not everyday but alot and they clearly abuse it)

ZenMe

"Functional" is just a stage on the progressive condition that is alcoholism.

The one thing that stands out about your post to me is the fact that you actually went out and counted them every night. You followed through the entire week. Why is that?

Are there other issues going on like Earthworm mentioned?

Yurt

I have als been wondering what line it is that you cross when going from heavy drinker to alcoholic. My AH (no problem with the classification in this instance) easily polishes off 2-3 bottles of beer, and then about a full 750 ml bottle of wine. According to the link provided, that would be about 49 drinks in a week. But I have never seen him hung over. Falling down? Yes. Abusive? Absolutely! But I am curious why he never seems to suffer the next morning.

hisimage48

Yurt,

I read somewhere, quite recently as a matter of fact, that no hangover has something to do with the amount of alcohol built up in some people. ...

Yurt

Yes, I do know that I can still smell it on his breath in the morning. So, I am guessing that there is always, at least a small amount of alcohol in his system. Strange that his medical blood tests didn't show any issues with his liver.

RhodeIsland

this, and has his drinking remained constant?

If so, he is where he's at and stable. I wouldn't go controlling. If, it increases, or empties of hard liquor or more liquor are found, well.. go from there. If his alcohol affects the relationship, that is an issue. But 5 or 6 beers spread out.. it's not an alcoholic.

He's habitual, but drinking slow = not for the high, and some folks... that's how our grandfather was and he's still kicking at 88!

sugarbear1

that is how I drank!

Recovering2

What happens if he doesn't drink for a night....or three?? I do evaluations as part of work screenings, his daily use would be a red flag. He is, at the very least, abusing alcohol. No one needs to drink that amount of beer every night.

Here's the thing. Can you ask him to stop or slow down? The first thing we learn is we didn't cause it, can't cure it, and can't control it. So if he does have an issue (and I would offer his daily consumption is an issue), there is nothing you can do about it. If it's not a problem for you right now, then I guess it's not a problem. It may become a problem for your family down the line. But we all learn it's one day at a time.

Cristi

Thanks for all the replies! Great advice. Someone asked about the late night drinking. This is due to the fact that he has always been a night owl. He generally goes to bed around 3 or 4 and gets up about 11-12. As for work, he was recently laid off from his job as Police Officer. He is currently unemployed and will prolly take the next year or two off. As for taking a few nights off from drinking, he does do that fairly often. We are sports fans and often attend Reds games. I refuse to drive in that traffic lol, so on those nights it's no beer for him. When he worked, he worked shift work and there was of course weeks on end when he worked the midnight shift and was unable to drink.

jazzfish

That is almost exactly how I drank. A "healthy" limit is typically given as two beers per day with two days off per week. More than that and you will almost certainly start to develop health problems - alcoholic or not. For years, I was fine at my 4-6 beers per day, but then in my mid 40s my physical and mental health declined. I then found I was unable to control my drinking to the point of avoiding those problems.

hypochondriac

I clicked on this because I was a 6 pack a night drinker... I also had rules that I stuck by. I wasn't a fall down drunk either. In fact the only difference between your husband and me is that I drank fast, and I often drank more, but only ever 6 beers (I didn't count the half a bottle of wine or the gin...).

My experience was that even though I had no social problems from drinking I did develop health and anxiety problems. If you drink that much regularly for over a decade you are gonna have problems. That's what I was told, and that's what happened to me.

My concern though is that you are letting someone else tell you this... People know drinking is bad for their health, and it is the risk they take. But putting the A word on it is none of your daughter's business. People don't like that word and I personally don't think it's very useful. If you and your husband are happy then what's the problem? I have no doubt that there will be an element of psychological addiction there too, but there always is, even with 'normal' drinkers, and if you start questioning him about it he might start being more secretive about it and may even end up drinking more. I know I drank more when I thought I might have to stop anyway...

So I'd have to go with the 'If it ain't broke...' approach. Maybe casually ask your husband if he is not concerned about his health. He knows drinking alcohol is bad for you right? He is an adult making an informed choice. If he feels he can't stop or is concerned how it impacts his life then that is another story. But he has to come to these realisations himself.

Welcome to SR Cristi

DarkDays

1. He never drinks more then a 6 pack at a time. 2. He never drinks a beer before 7 pm.

Hes certainly trapped and in a cell of obsession and addiction.

The angst ones mind must go through to live like this is sad, my guess is that it will get worse.

So much more to life, like sobriety.

jkej

I often thought if you cant go a whole month without a drink then that's a big problem, would anybody agree?

BlueSkies1

What I see here is what your daughter is feeling. She is the one that has classified him as alcoholic. I am going to go ahead and assume that since she said that, she feels that he was emotionally unavailable each evening as he slid into his intoxication, was neglectful, or disengaged with other's emotions.
Ask her why she classifies him this way. Better yet, ask her how she thinks his drinking affected her relationship with him. That's what this is all about. A daughter's relationship with her father.