Yurt

I feel like a real fool today, and I know it was my fault, completely. I have mostly used this forum as my sounding board because I did not feel comfortable sharing details of my home life with my friends and co-workers on a regular basis. I did strike up a friendship with a man who happens to be a counselor for the school district and wound up telling him much of my story. For the last two months, as I have detached from AH, I have gotten closer to my friend; attending HS football games, going to lunch, long phone conversation, and many emails. He has no addiction issues himself, but he has been supportave of my decisions and has been a sounding board and just a good friend. I know that I have gotten very attached to him, but hey.. We're just friends... Right?
Well last night, I met him at the game and ran into another woman that he is friends with (another teacher in the district) and he spent most of the evening chatting with her. I'm OK with that, however she went into a comentary about how she didn't know how to use her lawn mower or her weed whacker (she is newly separated) and implied some Uhmm promises to my friend if he would come over this weekend and help her. I was floored, especially when he told her that he would come and help her out.

Now, I am married; have done nothing to imply that this fellow means more than a friend to me, but man.. it really hurt.

So, NC, other than on a professional basis from here on out. I guess I just didn't realize how far I was letting this go.

Feeling pretty low about now, as I was enjoying some sane conversation and friendship.

funkynassau

Do you mean she was suggesting she'd be intimate with him if he helped her? If so that's pretty skanky on her part.

Dont cut yourself off from this guy if he really is a nice person and you enjoy his company. If he's a good friend, then I say stay friends but not as open as you had been.

Yurt

Yes, that was the implication. His response was pretty animated too, which is part of the reason it depresses me. I guess I didn't realize the extent of my feelings. I am going to do my best to leave him alone for a bit anyway.... and sort my head out.

dandylion

WoW, Yurt, I know the "bite" when one feels jealous. It is an indescribable bad feeling.

It is a tough spot you are in--being married. I know you have been starved for attention like he has been offering. I think it is clear that he is more than just a platonic friend to you.

My grandmother used to say that "You can't burn the candle on both ends".

Maybe it is getting close to reckoning time.........

dandylion

BookNerd

Yurt, I'm sorry. That must have felt completely crappy. I feel for you. (hug)

Carlotta

Whoa! I hate mowing my lawn but I would not go that far to get it done LOL.

dandylion

Wait just a darn minute!! Yurt, I just reread your post------promises??!--exactly what kind of promises? Sex type.....intimate type? If he seemed that "hot to trot", I guess I would wonder how easily he could be "bought".

I hope I am not overreacting----you would know better than I, of course...LOL

dandylion

Yurt

Well, I am pretty self sufficient and use many types of yard maintainance and powe tools, so I am a bit offended at the helpless woman bit. And if I were to take things that far with him myself, it would have nothing to do with his lawn mowing skills!

Yurt

Dandylion, he has always seemed to be such a gentleman. Didn't see it coming (although he has mentioned being alone many times). I guess she thought the time was right to strike. Guess she was right.

dandylion

From what I have seen---a large portion of the male population is drawn to the "helpless" damsel in distress like a moth to the flame! Oh, gag.........

dandylion

stella27

Oh Yurt, what a crappy scenario.

This is enlightening about so many things, isn't it?
1. How much you like this man
2. How unfulfilling your marriage. To the point that it isn't a marriage in the way that we are supposed to be supportive and loving with each other.
3. How much of a "helper" this guy is.
4. How you aren't free to express your feelings of wtf? because you are completely unavailable by being married to someone else.

dandylion

Yurt....do you have any chocolate ice cream in the house?

dandylion

healthyagain

Yurt, ask yourself if you feel this way about the guy because he is really something or because, as dandylion put it, you have been starved for attention and this guy seemed to be there for you. It is really easy to fall into this trap. We as human beings long for love and care and compassion and understanding, and when we do not get these from our spouses, our hearts keep bleeding and longing. This is also when we do not see things clearly and are extremely vulnerable.

You know, maybe this episode is actually a good thing. You have discovered that you had some deeper feelings for this guy, and at this point in your life, they are kind of a no-no. So, keep working on yourself and your very own happiness, and it is possible that in a month or two these powerful feelings will be gone.

Yurt

I know that time will make it better, but this just happened last night, and the feeling really sucks right now. So, thanks to everyone for not making me feel like a sleaze.
No chocolate anything in the house right now. Going to pick some up later.
AH wants to head to town later and have me put my new car in the car show. I think it will do us all good to get out for the afternoon. Thankfully, he is being pleasant today.

funkynassau

You weren't the sleaze, she was!

Hammer

Well, sure.

Do not take it too personal, but . . . .

You were not paying off very well, yet.

Could always get in a competition?

dandylion

Yurt, I would also second Healthyagain's assessment of this situation. I know how vulnerable we can become when we are starving for attention--needing to be seen as a special person--as desirable. I was in a marriage like that, once. It is really a precarious position to be in. I would never want that, ever, again. We can stuff our own needs and feelings for only so long before something starts to give.

Maybe, the time of reckoning is coming sooner than you thought...

As for the other two--I can't believe how crass she was---and how transparent his response was. This is really mean, but....I wonder if she has a pole in her l ivingroom?

DO you have any chocolate ice cream?

dandylion

Yurt

Oh right, maybe a grammar or math competition. Or Wrestling in the sandbox at recess. I am thankful she doesn't work at my school.

Hammer

Most guys would prefer mud or jello wrastlin.'

But bring whatcha got.

Yurt

The strange thing was that she did this while I was sitting with them. She could have done it when I was videoing my daughter or visiting with some of my friends.