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Help! Need advice!

Old 09-20-2013, 05:18 PM
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Help! Need advice!

Friday night and no call from AH with even an excuse or just to let me know he won't be home. I drive the kids where they need to be, get dinner for them etc. No contact from him at all! Do I call or text and ask him where he is? Is that controlling? It just seems so rude that he doesn't call or show up.
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Old 09-20-2013, 05:35 PM
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Hello Flavia,

It seems to me that this is not the first time your husband has disappeared for a day or more....what has happened in the past when you have tried to call him or text him to find out where he is? What do you think would happen differently this time?

What he is doing certainly is disrespectful, but the sad truth is that you have absolutely no control over him or his irresponsible actions.

Have you considered looking for even part-time work or work from home so that you can work toward your own financial security--for you and your children?

Can you turn the evening into a game night for you and the children?
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Old 09-20-2013, 05:36 PM
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Do you think he will answer your call or text? My A wouldn't have which would anger and worry me even more. I eventually learned he'd either be home when he felt like it, or if "something happened" I'd hear soon enough.

I don't know how to answer is it controlling, it seems like he is controlling you and the mood of the house by night getting in touch with your.

However, in the very beginning of our relationship when he would do this, I'd get mad, he'd get mad, said I was controlling, I would tell him that when I stopped asking or caring that would be trouble.

Well, I've stopped asking. Pretty much I've stopped caring too. Now that is sad.
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Old 09-20-2013, 06:35 PM
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Thanks everyone- you are right. He will not answer my texts or calls if I reach out, and that will make me feel even more foolish. He will be home when he wants to be home and I cannot control him. I am just feeling sad because, well, this is sad. The plan is: get a job to provide financial stability if he leaves permenantly or loses his employment. I went for a second interview this week. I hope and pray I get an offer.

Then: either leave and deal with the custody issues, fights & worries or stay and focus on me and the kids, do what we want when we want since he is often not home. But we have to deal with the unpredictable situation.
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Old 09-20-2013, 06:50 PM
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Congratulations on the second interview! Sending prayers for you and your children.

Keep looking in the direction of your goals...keep working that plan...keep loving those kids! So, popcorn and a movie tonight?
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Old 09-20-2013, 08:02 PM
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Hooray for you! Sometimes you (we,me) just need to think out loud, or type out loud to remember what our real plan is. I've come to the conclusion that I'm planning to do the same. Although we own a business together and I run the entire office, payroll pay vendors and so forth, I still am afraid I wouldn't be able to make it on my own. Not afraid, scared to death!!!

So, I'm saving money having a set amount in mind before I make a decision on what I will do. In the mean time I'm going to be much stricter about how I run my office , what I expect of the employees (who he is in charge of). I'm going to act as if I work for somebody else rather than setting my own hours and such.

There I go;on a ramble again. Just want to say keep up the good attitude and work. We can do this no matter our decision.

Be well,
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Old 09-20-2013, 08:30 PM
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I so love reading about other woman doing what they can to look after themselves and their kids.

It's always such an inspiration for me.

Thanks so much for sharing.
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Old 09-20-2013, 11:04 PM
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Yes he is rude. Yes there is nothing you can do about his behavior. Yes your phone call or text won't change what he's doing.

But, yes, you can instead focus on what you are doing to move forward. Yes you can focus on you. Hoping the job interview goes well. Keep focused on you and your kids.
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