Codie Fantasies
 

So as I'm reading a thought enters into my head "oh my xagf was codependent in her marriage to an alcoholic, she left when the abuse got physical"...then another thought pops into my head "what if I mail her codependent no more with a letter?"

Of course I am not doing this. Anyone else have these kind of fantasies? I've maybe thought of this scenario like 3 times.

On another note do any of you get this bolt of electric happiness when you think "I get a second change at a real, healthy, fulfilling relationship!". *****o!

My mother-in-law has insisted numerous times that she wants to contact my AH's old AA sponsor. Bwa hahahahahahahahaha! I didn't actually laugh at her, but thank God nobody has any information on who this person is/was, 6-7 years ago when my AH was in recovery.

But yeah, there are times when I have a sudden flash of some action I could take that in my codie craziness I think will either "prove" to everyone that I am "right," or give me some sort of validation. Like you, as I have progressed in my recovery these have gotten less frequent, and definitely less intense. I can immediately recognize them for what they are, laugh at myself a little, and move on.

And YES...as I have freed myself from all of the emotional crap I was putting myself through, I DO feel periodic excitement that someday I may actually meet someone with whom I can have a normal, healthy relationship.

I just want to say kudos for recognizing them for what they are...fantasy. This is a huge deal.

Love this thread.

If I had a dollar for every time over the years I have read some recovery literature and thought 'oh I should post this to so and so or pop it in their letter box' I'd be a millionaire.

I have a al anon friend who often shares a story about how he was gonna send his whole family the pamphlet 'alcoholism a merry go round called denial' once he started attending al anon. It's funny as.

That’s the “codie” trying to control and direct the outcome kind of thinking that we need to break away from and replace with healthier fantasies that relate directly to ourselves and not on fixing them.

It’s hard when those “what if’s” pop up and when they start popping up often it’s a very clear sign you need to work harder on yourself.

My bolt of electric happiness can only happen with me getting healthier with my thinking and understand clearly exactly what a healthy, fulfilling relationship really is.

I get that bolt of energy you are talking about, then I slap myself and say, "hey, you are today in this mess because of your little romantic daydreaming and your princes on white horses. Don't even think about it!"

healthy again =). I'm not daydreaming about it, like walks on the beach or whatever, it's more of a, wow I'm out of this relationship and I'm feeling waaay better.

And this is what I'm working on.

Nah, my goal is not to think about relationships AT ALL. LOL, I'm thinking cold showers rather than romantic walks on the beach.

Ohhh you meant those kinds of fantasies...well, never mind then. I went to a different place in my head! :c033:

Seriously, I did blunder a few times, sending things I thought may be relevant to the XAH. He didn't hold my same perspective, and it got kinda ugly. Was a good lesson in staying on my side of the street.

Ugggg.. Yeah, I still find myself playing out scenarios in my mind of what I would say to him...blah blah blah. These thoughts are like dead satellites orbiting around the planet. They are useless and fairly harmless and will eventually break apart and go away. When I am feeling stressed or lonely they increase; I am still working on not judging myself and keep on practicing letting the fantasies and thoughts just drift away.

Like alcoholics, codependents see the world through denial and rationalization. If you want to let her live rent-free in your head, go for it. I would run to Alanon with thoughts like this.