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Sunflower77 09-18-2013 07:05 PM

Another Not so new story
 
Hi everyone. I've been reading here for a very long time. Felt the need tonight to reach out. My story is very similar to others here. I am feeling overwhelmed. I have been with my A for 12 years. To admit its been that long is a bit shameful right now. We have a 10 year old who is the light of my life. Things were wonderful until the last 3 years or so. The late nights out at the bar with no phone call or concern for myself or our son. It progressed to waking me up in the middle of the night over stupid things. I have sleep issues anyway and cannot fall asleep after being awakened. I've gone through all the lies. every manipulation possible. There is a thread here about emotional abuse from the abusers point of view and mine could have written every word of that. I've left a few times over the years and he makes promises and sucks me back in.....and then treats me very poorly. In May he asked me to marry him. I agreed and was very very excited. Found the perfect ring and left the catalog there for him. It was untouched for a week, so I threw it away...A couple of days later he asked me where the catalog was. I didn't think he had been drinking when he asked me to be his wife, but looking back...he probably was. The whole...go away....no be with me.... I think now that he knew I was done and was desperate. There has been no talk of marriage since then. In fact ...this man that I live with hasn't hugged me or told me he loves me since that night in May. Here I am feeling like a total idiot. I have reached out to him and TRIED to discuss things but he doesn't participate. If I call him, he doesn't answer. If I text him, he yells at me for that. If I try face to face....he just says okay and walks away. So, since May, I have been a complete mess. I have cried and he tells me how unstable I am. So, anyway...Here I am. I have made one vow to myself...This man will never see me cry again. I hate that feeling. He is so cold and uncaring that I can't process it. I sleep with my son. My A sleeps on the couch...and that is fine with me. I still hurt, but I don't want to live this nightmare for one more single minute. I am lost, but I am doing my VERY best to process all this properly. I have never met anyone so cold in my life.

ZenMe 09-18-2013 08:16 PM

Dear Sunflower,

Thank you for sharing. It doesn't matter if you realized it at 2, 5, 20 years, what matters is you are on the path to ending the hurt and beginning to heal.

A lot of people on here recommended the book codependent no more. I finally caved and read it. It really is a good place to start.

The road won't be easy but it does get better, and it sounds like you have a made a choice to end the madness.

Keep posting =)

hisimage48 09-18-2013 09:55 PM

Sunflower,
I made the promise of my A never seeing me cry again, too. I made it about 15 years ago. Yes, 15....I've kept the promise too.

That is the bad news. I't is bad because I went from him never seeing me cry, to refusing to cry. It has caused me to be a bitter, angry, witch. Don't forget to allow others to see you cry if you need to. Or, cry in your pillow.

Be well, hugs, and please keep coming back.

honeypig 09-19-2013 04:15 AM

Sunflower, welcome to SR. It's a shame you're in a situation that would make you seek us out, but SR is a great source of support and information, as it sounds like you already know.

Have you considered Alanon? Here's a link to help you find a meeting. http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ While this is a wonderful community, there are advantages to having some real-world resources too. Try a few meetings, pick up some of the literature. Here's a source: Amazon.com: alanon: Books

You are NOT alone. The folks here and at Alanon understand. Keep reading, educate yourself about what you're up against, and just try to do the best you can each day. In time, you'll see your path clearly.

dandylion 09-19-2013 06:42 AM

Sunflower--you are much more valuable than this! No one should live like a second class person. This will end when you say it does.

You sound like you are very co-dependent in this relationship (something we all are quite familiar with! LOL ). As Honeypig suggested, alanon is a place where you can begin to sort yourself out.

There is a better world--and a better life to live!!!

dandylion


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