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My poor love

Old 09-18-2013, 01:46 PM
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My poor love

How sad I am about him. I met my husband when I was very young. My first kiss, my prom date, my first... you know. Here we are at aged 44. He is a highly fuctioning alcoholic and is addicted to his prescription drugs. We have been separated for 1 1/2 years. Seems like forever and also seems like no time has passed at all. He is in the military and has been overseas. Neither of us has been with anyone else. ( I know he hasn't. His drug use has made him impotent for some time.) I miss and love him so very much even still. Still holding out hope.

He came to see me this past week-end. For the first time. It was terrible. Horrible. He is as much of an addict/ alcoholic as he ever was and I know it is finally time to cut it off. I see that even though I left him, I never really "left" him before. I was always a phone call away.

I am haunted by him whispering to me, years ago, in bed, drunk, "Please, save me. Help me, love." My guilt is overwhelming. I could not save him.

My heart is broken into a million pieces having seen him this week-end and realizing that he is just as bad off as he was before except this time he is going through life all alone. It makes me incredibly sorry. And sad.

I love him so much. I am just so sorry this happened. I feel such sorrow that it is hard to function in my life right now. Thanks for providing this outlet.
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Old 09-18-2013, 02:31 PM
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Such a heartfelt post.....if only only love was enough!

Hugs..
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Old 09-18-2013, 03:56 PM
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I am so sorry you are feeling this way asimplelife, i am right there with you. It is the hardest thing to endure, watching someone you love , slowly kill themselves.
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Old 09-18-2013, 04:15 PM
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asimplelife, I too understand your sadness, grief, guilt. I am so sorry for your pain, I know it can feel paralyzing.

Just today I received a text from ex ABF (we are still in touch) calling me his "shining hope". Except, if that were possible, he wouldn't be my ex. We have known and loved each other for 20 years. It's like a part of me is dying, too.

I hope you have loving friends and family around you, and you might consider professional support for yourself, as well. I haven't read up on your story - have you tried alanon?. It's ok to reach out and get the help YOU need, like you wish he would do for himself.

Spider
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Old 09-18-2013, 05:39 PM
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I'm so sorry you're hurting. It's very difficult to watch someone you love killing themselves with alcohol and drugs. It is sad, but once you start moving on and taking care of yourself you'll feel better. Hugs to you.
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Old 09-18-2013, 07:08 PM
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This post brought tears to my eyes, I'm so sad for you both. If only we could just love them enough to make them well.
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Old 09-18-2013, 07:23 PM
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I am haunted by him whispering to me, years ago, in bed, drunk, "Please, save me. Help me, love." My guilt is overwhelming. I could not save him.


you DID try to HELP him. but like a drowning person, he didn't REACH for the life preserver you threw to him, he complained about the color. the help YOU offered wasn't the help he "wanted" - the kind of help that makes it ok to keep drinking. there IS NO help for that.

I am so sorry. he knows you care. he carries that with him. you don't HAVE to do anything more. the solution is so damn simple. decide you've had enough and then get a support system of like minded individuals that can tech you how to do that. simple, but not easy.

your life has to be about YOU. and moving forward.
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Old 09-19-2013, 01:32 PM
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Originally Posted by asimplelife View Post
I am haunted by him whispering to me, years ago, in bed, drunk, "Please, save me. Help me, love." My guilt is overwhelming. I could not save him.
Sweetie, let go of the unrealistic guilt. Please know he was never yours to save ~ saving is an inside job ~ something that happens between an individual and their HP.

I know you are hurting ~ this disease hurts not only the person that has it, but all those around ~

He may or may not choose recovery - but you can do what is healthy for you.

You will need the time to grief and feel the pain of the loss, but when you are ready ~ you can find healing and a life for yourself

you deserve the chance to be happy, joyous and free too

pink hugs
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