Being open to new love
 

Hi everyone,
I broke up with my axbf a little over a year ago, and this site provided me with great support. In many ways, my life is peaceful and joyful. I have grown and changed a lot in the past year, especially with learning how to counter my own codependent patterns. I feel more truly at peace than I have at any point in my life.
There is something I am still having some trouble with though, and I am wondering if anyone else here has experienced the same thing. I am in a relationship with someone new--we've been dating for about six months now. I care about this person and want to make a relationship work with them, but sometimes I feel like all of the feelings inside of me have shut down. I feel like if I allow myself to love this person, it will jinx the relationship somehow and he will leave. I don't think that's likely in reality because he is openly affectionate and often shows me that he loves me with words and actions. He is a healthy person--does not drink or use drugs. But it's like there's this glass barrier between me and him, and sometimes I want to just run for the hills because the thought of emotionally investing in someone scares the hell out of me. My axbf was my first boyfriend, so I was totally and completely into it with no caution or fear. Now it's like I'm afraid to feel anything. Any suggestions/encouragement on how to move forward? How to be brave?
Thank you in advance. This website is a true blessing.

Zora90

I hear you. I have a friend whom I believe likes me like a girlfriend, but it's all been platonic so far, and the other night I asked him to do something and he had other plans.

I cried. Not because he's done anything wrong but because I realized that I had feelings for him and it scares me to be so vulnerable again after all I have been through.

I have no wisdom except to say that maybe we have to give ourselves permission to love and be loved. God knows, I know very little about it anymore.