I am officially divorced
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 391
I am officially divorced
Hello SR friends,
I've been waiting and waiting for this day. Now that it is finally here I just want to crawl under the covers.
I received a copy of the final order today. There really isn't one thing that didn't go my way in the final order .....not one thing.
I guess for that, I should be happy or relieved. I'm slightly worried about his reaction, because he kept reminding me by email that when the final order comes down I will no longer have as much control over things and I will lose time with our children. Not so. Not at all.
I feel like I am lost in a fog at the moment. I'm glad my morning at work was productive because I don't think the afternoon will be.
Hugs (please send some back)
MamaKit
I've been waiting and waiting for this day. Now that it is finally here I just want to crawl under the covers.
I received a copy of the final order today. There really isn't one thing that didn't go my way in the final order .....not one thing.
I guess for that, I should be happy or relieved. I'm slightly worried about his reaction, because he kept reminding me by email that when the final order comes down I will no longer have as much control over things and I will lose time with our children. Not so. Not at all.
I feel like I am lost in a fog at the moment. I'm glad my morning at work was productive because I don't think the afternoon will be.
Hugs (please send some back)
MamaKit
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Mamakit, congratulations on making it to the other side and being done legally now. And I'm so happy for you that the divorce decree gives you and your kids the custody arrangements that you want.
I felt the same way you did when I got the divorce decree. It was almost anti-climatic, a real let-down somehow. I felt like hiding under the covers, too. So much effort, so much time, so much drama, so much intensity. And then it was just done. Period. Done.
I think also that was when the enormity of what had happened to me - both the abusive way my marriage ended, and the enormity of the life change I had made - hit me. It was scary. I felt numb some of the time, and some of time I cried. I had expected to feel jubilant.
But soon there was also a real sense of freedom, and relief.
Just be really gentle with yourself for a while, take care of yourself, pamper yourself, and soon enough you'll be ready to move into the future.
ShootingStar1
I felt the same way you did when I got the divorce decree. It was almost anti-climatic, a real let-down somehow. I felt like hiding under the covers, too. So much effort, so much time, so much drama, so much intensity. And then it was just done. Period. Done.
I think also that was when the enormity of what had happened to me - both the abusive way my marriage ended, and the enormity of the life change I had made - hit me. It was scary. I felt numb some of the time, and some of time I cried. I had expected to feel jubilant.
But soon there was also a real sense of freedom, and relief.
Just be really gentle with yourself for a while, take care of yourself, pamper yourself, and soon enough you'll be ready to move into the future.
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Take good care of yourself right now, MamaKit. Under even the most ideal circumstances, the final decree is tough. Don't worry about how you (or anyone else) thinks you "should' feel right now. Give yourself the gift of grieving.
Many, MANY (((hugs))) to you today.
Many, MANY (((hugs))) to you today.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((MamaKit))
sending you lots of pink hugs and warm thoughts ~
For me there was no good, bad, happy, anger - when mine divorce was final ~
There was more of an unbelief that I was really free ~ took a while to process everything ~ but the peace does come.
Take extra special care of you ~ you deserve it!
pink hugs!
sending you lots of pink hugs and warm thoughts ~
For me there was no good, bad, happy, anger - when mine divorce was final ~
There was more of an unbelief that I was really free ~ took a while to process everything ~ but the peace does come.
Take extra special care of you ~ you deserve it!
pink hugs!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I felt the same way you did when I got the divorce decree. It was almost anti-climatic, a real let-down somehow. I felt like hiding under the covers, too. So much effort, so much time, so much drama, so much intensity. And then it was just done. Period. Done.
I also wish you peace. Take the time you need to feel whatever you're feeling. It's OK. And best of all, the court saw things your way, your children are safe.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southwest
Posts: 1,207
I did climb under the covers. I spent the whole weekend in bed. Asleep for much of it. I wasn't prepared for that. You are very normal. It's a big deal. the end of a long struggle and a lot of anxiety. It took me a while to feel human again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 391
Yes. A let down.
Maybe divorce is the kind of thing that shouldn't feel celebratory when it becomes official. Maybe this is just as it should be.
The judge's order praised me for not engaging in the nastiness that EXAH put forth saying that I consistently took the high road but that EX could not seem to meet me even half way.
Normally, I would take great satisfaction in that because it was so HARD!!!!
But the victory I read on those pages does not seem to be penetrating my heart.
Thanks all for your hugs and support. You are all so wonderful.
MamaKit
Maybe divorce is the kind of thing that shouldn't feel celebratory when it becomes official. Maybe this is just as it should be.
The judge's order praised me for not engaging in the nastiness that EXAH put forth saying that I consistently took the high road but that EX could not seem to meet me even half way.
Normally, I would take great satisfaction in that because it was so HARD!!!!
But the victory I read on those pages does not seem to be penetrating my heart.
Thanks all for your hugs and support. You are all so wonderful.
MamaKit
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Mama, I am thrilled that things worked out so well with the terms of the divorce. Sending you a million little hugs across the miles..... Take care of YOU during this grieving process, you are more than entitled!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
Lots of hugs to you... I wanted out and yet still wanted to be hopeful all along. My divorce seemed to go through in record time. Despite my lawyer warning that he would get the job done fast - I was unexpecting and it took me awhile despite knowing it was necessary.
Sorry for your loss... take your time coming back to normal... be kind to yourself and insist this of others towards you. Divorcing an A is similiar to a death as my therapist reminded me many days. I came to believe that and it made sense. Death of wishes, hopes and dreams.
Who knows your future - I didn't think I had one at the time but so much has changed and life is good. Keep your sights on what is good and you will get there.
Sorry for your loss... take your time coming back to normal... be kind to yourself and insist this of others towards you. Divorcing an A is similiar to a death as my therapist reminded me many days. I came to believe that and it made sense. Death of wishes, hopes and dreams.
Who knows your future - I didn't think I had one at the time but so much has changed and life is good. Keep your sights on what is good and you will get there.
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