how does one begin
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Blountstown, FL
Posts: 9
how does one begin
How do you begin tell strangers personal stuff that you are dealing with? I signed up to this sight thinking I could talk about it. I have read a lot of stuff, but I have no idea how to begin! anyone have any advice?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: acceptance
Posts: 126
For me, I held everything in for so long that once I started it was like a damn with the flood gates wide open.
I meant to share just a bit with people. I was so embarrassed about what was happening.
I do find that I am able to open up more to some than others. To those that I can trust I tell everything because the support they give me comes in them knowing how awful and difficult this is.
I would suggest you start with a little and see how you feel. Then you can share more when you are more comfortable.
I meant to share just a bit with people. I was so embarrassed about what was happening.
I do find that I am able to open up more to some than others. To those that I can trust I tell everything because the support they give me comes in them knowing how awful and difficult this is.
I would suggest you start with a little and see how you feel. Then you can share more when you are more comfortable.
Journey To Me
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kyle, Texas
Posts: 395
For me I shared just the same as Charmed described. I just stated typing and it all came out in one long post. With my experience sharing here has helped me tremendously. Just to have a safe place to let out all the problems was such a relief.
I know it's tough. Share if/when you can. There is no pressure. Even reading about the site had great light bulb moments for me.
Hugs.
I know it's tough. Share if/when you can. There is no pressure. Even reading about the site had great light bulb moments for me.
Hugs.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
undertheheap, you are among friends here. Whatever your situation, the underlying feelings and fears tend to be the same. I guarantee, that there are others, here, who have or are walking in your same shoes. We share with each other--but, we do not pass judgement on anyone.
I hope you will hang around with us!! You are not alone.
very sincerely,
dandylion
I hope you will hang around with us!! You are not alone.
very sincerely,
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: acceptance
Posts: 126
I'm really sorry that you are dealing with this. Everyone here knows the pain an AH can cause and this is a great place to lurk or participate. No one is going to judge you and it is a great place to learn how to take care of yourself first and cope with each day as it comes.
This is my 2nd time joining here, I was a previous member and thought my AH had hit bottom and climbed out. I didn't think I needed to come here anymore. Instead after 5 years he jumped back in with both feet. It's like he just put a cover over the hole he climbed out of because when he relapsed this time he went "all in".
My AH also began drinking heavily after a huge family issue 10 years ago. He went to rehab and things were better.... for a while. He began with short relapses when his father died a couple years ago. My mother died just 5 days after his father.
It was a tough time for both of us. Instead of dealing with the grief, he chose to use alcohol to comfort him.
My mother was not only my Mom, she was my best friend. When AH was out of line, I would go visit with my Mom. I have never really been able to grieve my Mom because I have been dealing with either the active drinker or the dry drunk for the last 2 years.
I am ready to move on now, it takes time but I do plan to get there.
This is my 2nd time joining here, I was a previous member and thought my AH had hit bottom and climbed out. I didn't think I needed to come here anymore. Instead after 5 years he jumped back in with both feet. It's like he just put a cover over the hole he climbed out of because when he relapsed this time he went "all in".
My AH also began drinking heavily after a huge family issue 10 years ago. He went to rehab and things were better.... for a while. He began with short relapses when his father died a couple years ago. My mother died just 5 days after his father.
It was a tough time for both of us. Instead of dealing with the grief, he chose to use alcohol to comfort him.
My mother was not only my Mom, she was my best friend. When AH was out of line, I would go visit with my Mom. I have never really been able to grieve my Mom because I have been dealing with either the active drinker or the dry drunk for the last 2 years.
I am ready to move on now, it takes time but I do plan to get there.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 380
I dont post much. I dont on any forum. I am a very private person. Always have been. Just start by reading. You will find those here that you "connect" with. Reply when you want or just add your "thank you".
I learn best by reading, so I have devoured all the books I can find on alcoholism and codependency. I dont attend any face to face alanon meetings, but try to do 2-3 a week online. For me, knowledge has been my power.
You can also send a PM (private message), if there is something you want to talk about off forum. Whatever you are comfortable with.
Sorry for what brought you here, but glad you found this place. You are safe here.
I learn best by reading, so I have devoured all the books I can find on alcoholism and codependency. I dont attend any face to face alanon meetings, but try to do 2-3 a week online. For me, knowledge has been my power.
You can also send a PM (private message), if there is something you want to talk about off forum. Whatever you are comfortable with.
Sorry for what brought you here, but glad you found this place. You are safe here.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 565
Undertheheap:
I would just like to add my welcome.
Take from from this site what you need; share bits and pieces if that helps, or spew out the whole saga; everyone is a little different.
Reading here, whether I post or not, has been a huge source of support to me these past few months. The courage of others to share their stories, and face their demons, admit their defeat, and also their triumphs - with such honesty, gut wrenching detail, and even humor - has been invaluable to me.
Navigate around as much as you can - the blogs, the stickies at the top, and when you're ready, a trip to the "other side" where the AA folks go, will open your heart and eyes forever, I promise.
I would just like to add my welcome.
Take from from this site what you need; share bits and pieces if that helps, or spew out the whole saga; everyone is a little different.
Reading here, whether I post or not, has been a huge source of support to me these past few months. The courage of others to share their stories, and face their demons, admit their defeat, and also their triumphs - with such honesty, gut wrenching detail, and even humor - has been invaluable to me.
Navigate around as much as you can - the blogs, the stickies at the top, and when you're ready, a trip to the "other side" where the AA folks go, will open your heart and eyes forever, I promise.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
I've beena forum junkie for a long time and I knew I had a problem with my AH before I came but I was trying to handle it on my own. That got old fast n I knew I needed more in my alcohell life. I just wanted to beat around the bush at first because the people here have heard it all. It wasn't until this July when the bottom fell out of my bucket n I really opened up to the devastation I was living.
It's nice to have the few people in real life that I have but to have the people of this forum, I am eternally grateful for their compassion, heart felt love and experiences. I could not have found the knowledge anywhere else. The things I've written here to give a glimpse in my life, only a few people in real life know about but these people here know all about. I know it sounds crazy and it throws all my privacy for my AH and I out the window but I felt I was ready to not protect his alcoholism anymore and find the help that I needed to get through this.
So to those of you who have helped me and shown me so much love, THANK YOU!!! I wish I could hug every single one of you right now but I'm sick, you probably dont want it, n my droid screen is really small n I'd look funny hugging my phone!
It's nice to have the few people in real life that I have but to have the people of this forum, I am eternally grateful for their compassion, heart felt love and experiences. I could not have found the knowledge anywhere else. The things I've written here to give a glimpse in my life, only a few people in real life know about but these people here know all about. I know it sounds crazy and it throws all my privacy for my AH and I out the window but I felt I was ready to not protect his alcoholism anymore and find the help that I needed to get through this.
So to those of you who have helped me and shown me so much love, THANK YOU!!! I wish I could hug every single one of you right now but I'm sick, you probably dont want it, n my droid screen is really small n I'd look funny hugging my phone!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Blountstown, FL
Posts: 9
2010, 2011 & 2012. AH Dad, Twin and Older brother, gone. Dad of natural causes. Twin and older brother...suicide. his twin and older brother both were alcoholics. Twins death was suspicious, older brother had mental issues. The day after his twin died,he started drinking and has drank every day since. The amount of alcohol just keeps increasing. I am in a veryyyyyy small town, no al-anon for 45 mi. one way. that is the start and part of my story. AH was only a social drinker before this. He would hold a beer all night so no one would ask if he wanted another. 2 was his limit. now he can put away 24 on a bad night. yet he still works everyday, 14 hrs. doesn't eat but one meal a day, his choice. I am not handling things all that well.
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
I have a hard time opening up to people I know. I pick and choose what to say with them. I think here being anonymous gives me that voice. Its great.
I understand how you feel though. Its a process though
I understand how you feel though. Its a process though
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,393
Hi heap, welcome. Just say what is on your mind. What happened the last time you drank that makes you want to quit. Or come on the chatroom. Come to a meeting there and listen to what others talk about. You probably will relate to them all. You might want to add to the conversation. Stick around whether you talk or not. I think talking takes it to the next level though. Welcome.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 565
Undertheheap,
I am so sorry, that is a heap-load, for sure. The fact that both brothers, especially his twin, were alcoholics really speaks to the likely genetic component of this godawful affliction, doesn't it.
Your man is spiraling down right now, and it's understandable that you don't want to go down with the ship. You don't have to.
I know there are online alanon meetings - others can weigh in about that. Also, do you have the option of personal therapy for yourself, someone who knows about addiction? For me, this was useful in sorting out the role I was playing in the "alcoholic dance".
Reading books on co-dependency by Melody Beatty and others were helpful to me, to understand and accept my own powerlessness over this thing, and how to begin to climb out of the hole.
I hope he faces this demon, and seeks recovery for himself before it is too late. But in the meantime, you CAN take care of YOU.
Please stick around, others will be along soon with wiser words than I can offer. Maybe consider starting a new thread with exactly what you just posted, and you will get additional feedback. Take care,
SQ
I am so sorry, that is a heap-load, for sure. The fact that both brothers, especially his twin, were alcoholics really speaks to the likely genetic component of this godawful affliction, doesn't it.
Your man is spiraling down right now, and it's understandable that you don't want to go down with the ship. You don't have to.
I know there are online alanon meetings - others can weigh in about that. Also, do you have the option of personal therapy for yourself, someone who knows about addiction? For me, this was useful in sorting out the role I was playing in the "alcoholic dance".
Reading books on co-dependency by Melody Beatty and others were helpful to me, to understand and accept my own powerlessness over this thing, and how to begin to climb out of the hole.
I hope he faces this demon, and seeks recovery for himself before it is too late. But in the meantime, you CAN take care of YOU.
Please stick around, others will be along soon with wiser words than I can offer. Maybe consider starting a new thread with exactly what you just posted, and you will get additional feedback. Take care,
SQ
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 350
Undertheheap,
You're in the right place to be sure. The amount of real love and support from folks here is wonderful. My father was a twin and his brother died 17 years before he did. He said it was like a piece of himself was missing. Personal therapy is a great option as well.
Peace in your heart.....
You're in the right place to be sure. The amount of real love and support from folks here is wonderful. My father was a twin and his brother died 17 years before he did. He said it was like a piece of himself was missing. Personal therapy is a great option as well.
Peace in your heart.....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
Undertheheap, I am so sorry you're going through this. I'm sure it's been heartbreaking for your family? Has your husband seen a therapist or psychiatrist? If not, I hope he does. What about you? Maybe therapy would be in order for you right now.
My best friend's dad lost his twin brother when he was driving home from my friend's dad's wedding reception. He drank for 25 years after that. Sometimes the pain is just too great and people do whatever they have to to kill it.
Thanks so much for sharing your story. It can be very difficult to open up. I find it's easier to write it out and this place is full of wonderful people and plenty of love.
My best friend's dad lost his twin brother when he was driving home from my friend's dad's wedding reception. He drank for 25 years after that. Sometimes the pain is just too great and people do whatever they have to to kill it.
Thanks so much for sharing your story. It can be very difficult to open up. I find it's easier to write it out and this place is full of wonderful people and plenty of love.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 80
Under, this is a good place to be. I've kinda newish, I guess.
It is nice because you can come to this place and write once sentence only, and everyone understands-- say no more. OR you can write a book, everyone will read and understand.
I sometimes feel bad because I can respond to most of the posts here and say "me too that has happened to me!" I'm not trying to steal anyones thunder, I'm just amazed that there are other people who are going through it and understand me. I'm just now being honest and opening up.
Be well,
It is nice because you can come to this place and write once sentence only, and everyone understands-- say no more. OR you can write a book, everyone will read and understand.
I sometimes feel bad because I can respond to most of the posts here and say "me too that has happened to me!" I'm not trying to steal anyones thunder, I'm just amazed that there are other people who are going through it and understand me. I'm just now being honest and opening up.
Be well,
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