Yurt

AH and I have been trying to buy a car for 10 day now. It was not his ideal car, but it is supposed to my vehicle anyway. He almost sabotaged the deal last week by getting drunk and then abusive to employees at the dealership. (Buying this car remotely, as we live in a very rural area) Today, he was drinking heavily again, and was upset about the lack of responses he was getting from them. He had me call them after I came home from work and find out why they didn't return his phone calls. Kept prompting me with what to say. When I concluded the call, getting the info he wanted in a pleasant manner, he started to tell me everything that is supposedly wrong with the car. I was alarmed and took his suggestion to send a strongly worded email about the issues ( It's going to be your car, you take care of some of this stuff). Afterwards, his tune changed and not only was the car not that bad, but according to him, no one wants me to have this car more than he does. So, the deal may fall through anyway, but it will be my fault. Ready to just go out and buy a pickup truck and put it and the financing in my own name.Then I could easily move my stuff as well.
It's not really losing the deal that ticks me off as much as the manipulation.
I will look on the positive side and find something less expensive. If I wind up single, then I won't want car payment that is too steep.

honeypig

What a bunch of hoops to jump thru! You're right, tho, it might be best to get something you know you can afford on your own just in case.

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best, right?

Sorry you got sucked into that BS vortex!

Lulu39

Sorry you got sucked into codie behaviour. I remember doing that type of sh*t. They screw something up and create such a drama that they either beg us to fix it or we feel we have no choice but to fix it, their way which ends up making the entire thing an even bigger scr3w up.

I wish I had CCTV or a hidden camera so I could see the crazymaking and the drama and the fixing as it panned out in my life.

The lack of drama in my life now is actually quite pleasant with AXH out of the house and my life. Though sometimes it still feels weird not to have a daily drama. Hey, I have Y&R for that

FireSprite

Sorry you got sucked in, but today is a new day & you can start fresh! It makes total sense to me that you would want a vehicle more suited for your needs & price range - listen to your gut instinct, it won't lie to you.

dandylion

I agree to do the more sensible and practical thing. Actually, you will end up in a better place because he screwed it up so badly!!.

You are learning by each experience that you have. Blessed are those who are willing to learn from their experiences.

dandylion

thislonelygirl

Im familiar with this to a t.
I call them mind games. Thats what they are.
My ah does this too.he will ask me for my opinion or to do something or not do it making it seem like it was my idea when in reality he pushed me to his idea and then turns it around on me as ONLY my idea and fault.
Hes uses the same tactic on everyone else to get what he wants or shift blame.
So everyone else is the bad guy but him.
Sounds like thats what he was doing....
He used you to back out the deal and saying everything wrong
And then later said he wanted you to make the deal and he liked the car.
You were the bad guy and he was the good guy. Atleast in his world

Lyssy

I can so relate to what you are going through. My H (R) is an auto mechanic and is supposed to take care of our vehicles. Back late last year/early this year my truck (daily driver) needed some work. I needed to have it reliable in case I needed to take off (drive 4 hours) to my Aunts to help her (she is battling cancer). It got to be a three ring circus. This was at the height of his spiraling out of control (he went to rehab in Feb). Anyway, this truck is 23 years old and I have owned it/drove it for 20 years. Reliable for the most part (etc).

After beating my head against the wall for about six months on this issue, I said "screw it". Found a nice newer Honda Accord. Actually really nice. Low millage and really a good deal. He went with me to test drive it, but other than that it was my complete decision. I bought it. I love it. It was one of my first real detachment actions and boy, did it **** him off - lol.

Fast forward - he is 7 mo sober (and supposedly working AA/programs), still trying to sabotage and manipulate (although not being as blatant as before). My old truck STILL has not been fixed/repaired. I have ALMOST made up my mind to find a shop and take it there to get fixed. It will definitely be a huge issue, but I am at my wits end. I don't want it to just sit and not be driven and it go to a junk yard just because he can't or wont get his crap together.

I absolutely do not get the mind set (or lack thereof). I am sick of it. Oh, and the jealously (he is jealous of my new car).

If he wasn't your life, you would have to do it on your own anyway - right?