I hate Alcohol

Old 09-09-2013, 09:03 PM
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Unhappy I hate Alcohol

My husband has been in rehab now for 3 weeks. I am feeling hopeless today. Resentful and sad. He is extremely negative and counting down the days to come home. Which makes me feel like he is not surrendering to this process. He says he does not want to drink and never wants to come to rehab again. He absolutely hates it there-he feels like it is like jail. He hates talking about his feelings and being in groups. He has always hated this. He is overly confident now that he is sober and feels he doesn't need to go to AA when he gets home. Maybe I need to not take him so seriously because he is so up and down with his emotions, but I can't help but get upset. It makes me sad and angry at the same time.

He thinks it is sooo hard being in there and I have no idea. I am sympathetic to his feelings, but it makes me very resentful because its been very hard for us over on this end.

I hate alcohol.
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Old 09-09-2013, 09:58 PM
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My husband hasn't made it to rehab yet -- he still thinks he can quit on his own and, of course, still hasn't. I have learned so far:

1) depression often comes with the first few days/weeks of sobering up.
2) getting sober NEEDS to have a recovery plan along with it in order to succeed.
3) you cannot change his moods or alleviate what he's going through. Put your own physical, mental and spiritual health first.

((((hugs))))
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Old 09-10-2013, 04:23 AM
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Jessica, he likely does not want to talk about his feelings and so on b/c he is used to numbing all that out w/alcohol. It's uncomfortable for him.

Unfortunately, if he isn't ready to deal w/his issues and is unwilling to put a plan in place to keep him from drinking and to offer continued support, it's extremely unlikely he'll stay sober. You know that, right? Remove the alcohol and make no other changes and you have a "dry drunk"--that is, until he turns into a "wet drunk" again, which generally doesn't take too long.

What are you doing for YOURSELF? Alcoholism is a lovely, sharing, family kind of disease--everyone touched by it is sick, too, to a greater or lesser extent. I'd like to suggest you check into Alanon. Here's a link to help you find a meeting: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

Going by your description of things w/your A, you're going to need support soon and could also perhaps use some education. Alanon is a great place to find both. There are a couple of threads going in the past few days from people who have attended their first meeting and how it went for them; you might like to look at these, too. I see on another thread that you have a son who is 9. Not sure if he's too young for Alateen, but you could surely check into it. I believe Hammer here said it was great for his daughter.

Please also do as much reading here as you can, and don't miss the stickies at the top of the page. There is a lot of good info and great suggestions for books to check out.

As you learn more, you'll be so much better prepared to deal w/what alcoholism throws your way. Keep on moving forward!
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Old 09-10-2013, 05:14 AM
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Jessica, this is a period of time--an opportunity for you to get some support and prepare yourself for whatever you are going to face when he gets out of rehab. I am sorry to say that if he doesn't change his attitude drastically, and soon, he does not sound ready for sobriety.

Use this forum to learn everything you can about alcoholism and take the steps necessary to get your future lined up. I would suggest to keep your communications with him to a minimum. Don't listen to his complaining and whining. If he starts--just tell him to take it up with the staff.

I imagine that you want his sobriety more than he does at this point. It doesn't matter what we WANT, though. It is important that we deal with reality.

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Old 09-10-2013, 07:20 AM
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Originally Posted by JessicawithHope View Post
Maybe I need to not take him so seriously because he is so up and down with his emotions, but I can't help but get upset. It makes me sad and angry at the same time.

He thinks it is sooo hard being in there and I have no idea. I am sympathetic to his feelings, but it makes me very resentful because its been very hard for us over on this end.

I hate alcohol.
This for me, is the hardest thing to do. Not take their words so seriously. I have this built-in gullibility. I figure if somebody says something, most of the time they themselves at least believe it. Otherwise, what's the point in saying it? Why open one's mouth if they aren't going to say something credible? important?
This is where I don't get alcoholics at all. It's very difficult not to react to their emotion with the logical response.
The problem with that is then my emotions are like a puppet on a string.

I vote you enjoy your vacation from him. You too are counting down the days until he comes home.
How can you enjoy this vacation?
Are there things you love to do that he doesn't? Have you wanted to see the movie Flight but don't want to have him know? Do you have a good friend that he doesn't like you can visit, or simply want to go out with friends without the worries of bringing him along? Do you love sushi and he hates it? Is there music you love to play loud he doesn't like? Do you want to let the cats sleep in the bed and he never lets them?
The possibilities are endless.
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Old 09-10-2013, 07:24 AM
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He absolutely hates it there-he feels like it is like jail.
Has he actually been to jail?
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Old 09-10-2013, 07:32 AM
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Just when we think the rides over...its only just begun.
I think sometimes we believe that once they get sober they are easier to deal with and less weight on us. Not true.
I also think we want it to work so bad that we have a hard time relinquishing control or atleast the fantasy of it.
As frustrating as it is....if hes willing he will. Sounds like hes in more trouble than he wants to believe but you wont be the one to wake him up. If anything ask him if hell atleast talk to a professional who specialities in addiction instead of aa.to give it a try. Maybe they can talk to him better or he could try other group programs that are different than aa.
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Old 09-10-2013, 10:31 AM
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Originally Posted by JessicawithHope View Post
My husband has been in rehab now for 3 weeks. I am feeling hopeless today. Resentful and sad. He is extremely negative and counting down the days to come home. Which makes me feel like he is not surrendering to this process.

I hate alcohol.
My husband is on week 7 of rehab. He comes home in 10 days. He should have been home a week ago. But like everything else he was fighting rehab and not embracing the group and the therapy offered to him. 4.5 weeks into rehab I went and saw him and during that week he gave in and 'did rehab' the change was outstanding!

It may take some time because they are in such denial after detox it isn't even funny.

In the meantime make the most of your stay-cation from him. I have small (4 and 7) kids but let me tell you it was so refreshing to spend my summer with them not stressed out, to go pick a new dog without his input, to sit by a lake while my kids play and I read a book, to walk to the coffee shop on a brisk morning, to let the cat sleep with me, to have sleep overs in the yard with the kids, to let them cruise our crescent on bikes at midnight just because it was 'against the rules', to repaint the fence without an OCD husband hovering over me and to depend on a sober babysitter while I worked nights at a hospital (as opposed to worrying about leaving them with a drunk)...... it was blissful.
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Old 09-10-2013, 11:09 AM
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My husband, too, couldn't get in touch with his emotions. Wouldn't, I should say. Drinking drowned his feelings and emotions.

I get where you are. It's frustrating, especially if you are an emotionally expressive person, like myself.

Peace to you. I know this sucks.
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