amy55

Please someone hit me with that SR 2 x 4. !!!!!!! What can I say?, I was bored!!!!!! (lol)

So it was about this volatile relationship. They both accuse each other of abuse. This guy justifies hitting his wife, after denying that he hit her, but it was only an open hand, not a fist, justifies putting a knife to her neck.

This husbands mouth never stopped the entire show, the wife just more or less just sat there. When questioned if she hit him, she would just respond yes, no excuses, no explanation.

I guess I was getting really pissed about this. How could Dr P h i l not see that she isn't saying anything, and that only the H was sitting there, talking, rolling his eyes, being sarcastic, arrogant, etc.......

He kept talking to the H, telling him that men are physically stronger, it doesn't matter if your wife is abusive or hits you, that you are stronger and that you can kill her.

Even got into letting the H say about things she should wear and when to wear things.

I was getting so pissed. Wanted to call that show. At the end he turned to the wife and said, you should not be married to him, you need to get away, you are in danger. I guess he redeemed himself for me then.

So now they are both being sent for treatment. Yay

I guess I needed to bring this up because a lot of times people go to therapy, and it seems like the therapist may really be against you and for the other person, I do hate to say this, but I do think in this show DR P H I L was trying to earn the trust of the H so that the H kept talking.

Anyone else watch this, any other thoughts?????

Tuffgirl

One word. Ratings.

suki44883

Yep, ratings. "Dr. Phil" doesn't do anything except use common sense. It's hard to believe some guy could be famous and rich just for dispensing good old common sense.

amy55

I also agree with the "rating" thing. And where was that SR 2x4????? I know I shouldn't watch him or read the books. I made that mistake of reading his book and trying to change me and ended up going to a hotel room for the night, while my ex systematically just cut me down and chewed me up.

I don't like Dr P H IL. I guess I was just wondering if this is the kind of therapy an abusive gets initially so that they can gain trust from the abuser?

suki44883

I think Dr. Phil is okay, but he's not really anything all that special. Like I said, he dispenses good old common sense, and I can't help but believe those shows are scripted anyway. Yeah, the husband is probably really a jerk and the wife is probably hanging onto a relationship she knows she should get away from. I just don't see why she needs someone on television to tell her what she really already knows.

amy55

I thank everyone. Dr Phil is a real thorn in my side. I guess what I was getting out of the whole thing was, is this what therapists do when we finally get our SO to go to one???

Do they make them feel like they are right, and that we are abusing them, and then they abuse us even more, because a therapist agreed with them.

Are they doing this just to gain the trust of that person so that they can talk or work with them?

Guess that is what I am getting at. Therapist need to gain a persons trust, but at times to what danger to another person.

suki44883

Well, what you saw was television. What really happens during private therapy sessions can be quite different. Usually, the two parties have separate therapy sessions, and possibly, if the therapist feels there is progress, he/she might bring them together for some sessions. What you see on a one hour show on TV isn't the entire therapy process. So, who knows whether or not these two people have been going through therapy for a while, or if this was just a one-time shot on The Dr. Phil Show.

amy55

I remember my ex going to a therapist. He would come back all happy and how I should change because I am a bitch. Yea, whatever................ He went to her about 5 times, and then she asked him if I could come to see her also.

I went, I was distraught to say the least, I couldn't take it anymore, here he was telling me the therapist told him that I was "nuts"

I went. I bought my tape recorder with me. I talked to her, I played my recording for her. She was in shock. Said that is not the person who comes here and talks to me,


so, anyways.....................I did have the priveledge (sp) of finding out that people just lie, or that is there own perception, in a different reality...............whatever...............

I was just wondering if any one else went thru this??????????

amy55

I'm sorry that I offended people. I didn't agree with this show. I guess I was just wondering if other people have gone thru this. Abuse by therapy. You finally get them there, the therapist tries to gain their confidence, then all hell breaks because in your relationship, because therapist is trying to gain trust before working with that person.

I'm sorry to have ruffled feathers here.

amy55

I guess I titled this wrong, should have been titled this "abuse in therapy" I'm sorry again.

dandylion

Dear amy55, this is why couples therapy doesn't work with active addictions--nor with narcissistic personality disorders. There are very few therapists who will try (if they really know about the existence of the addiction). The non-addictive spouse can really be damaged even further. Most therapists will suggest that the parties undergo individual therapy until the alcohol is removed from the picture. If addiction is involved--one should make sure that the therapist is really experienced in substance abuse--some are, but many aren't.

I often end up hoping that Dr. Phil sends these people to REALLY GOOD therapists who really know what they are doing!!!!!

fourmaggie

i do watch Dr. Phil...and sometimes that people that do need to be ACCOUNTABLE for their crap, he tells them...(ie, sick mom with tabacco sauce, and etc..)

but he does one thing and one thing only....

GIVES US CHOICES....yep...he raises that bar and makes us THINK!

thats what its all about...to learn something new and to make us THINK! and that to me is my AL ANON slogan for today...

DesertEyes

So..... um.... Amy? If you _know_ it stirs your emotions, and you _know_ it's no good, and you _know_ it will upset you all day long.... can I ask why you keep going back for more?

I don't mean alcoholics, or ex-husbands, I mean Dr.Phil. Do we need to start a Dr. Phil Anonymous for you?

Mike

choublak

If you have to "get" your SO go to therapy...

choublak

I think I've seen maybe one Dr. Phil episode. It was about Star Wars. A wife was frustrated because her husband had too much Star Wars stuff around their house. Or something.

dandylion

Amy---sometimes Dr. Phil gets my blood a'boilin, too.

It is true that the material is formatted for television.

Again, couples therapy does not work for addiction. Nothing works for the alcoholic until the alcohol---and the alcoholic thinking is arrested.

dandylion

BlueSkies1

There's something about Dr. Phil I like, although I don't want those types of programs but once in a blue moon.
He advocates respect and common decency.
You'd think that would be common sense...
Obviously for many it isn't!

I think the saying is "common sense isn't so common anymore".