Sad today.. have a question.
 

Do you really know if your AH is capable of recovering? I hear about alcoholics who never do or are not capable of recovering. My AH has been a heavy drinker for seven years now. I know Alcoholics who have drank for alot longer that recover and then again I hear about ones that never do.

I've had a couple bad sad days and I just need hope that its possible.

Thanks, Netta

netta, in my opinion--it is possible if the alcoholic wants sobriety more than anything else in the world. Usually, they have to hurt so bad that sobriety looks like the only option left for them. This is the so-called "bottom". They have to be willing to do anything--anything that it takes to get sober and stay there. It requires intense work and focus. And it takes a lot of time--especially in the beginning.

They have to want it that bad to recover. Those who want it and willing to work for it are able to live in sobriety.

It is a sad fact that many of us who have loved an A want their sobriety much more than they do!!

dandylion

I'm guilty of wondering if my AH will ever recover and holding onto hope like a monkey riding a horse in a 3 ring circus. I've quit doing that.

Sometimes, when you think, this has got to be their bottom... they always go back for more. The bottom line is, they have to want it.

My AH has a long drinking career if that's what you want to call it. Over 40 years to be exact and he's 55 years old. He sobered up for 20 of those years and he's been a drunk for the last 4 years. When will enough be enough? When he says he's had enough. His words have to coincide with his actions though for me to believe it. I've stopped listening... but I'm watching.

I believe he can if he really wants to. But I do not believe he is going to do that because of me, or our relationship. He must do it for himself. Sometimes I feel that he simply does not love himself enough.

What u have said could probably be true however my experience has been that sobriety can bring its own raft of problems too so while it may be your dream for him to get sober, he may end up being not a particularly pleasant person (sober) and unable to deal with the stresses of life.

I don't know what is in store for you but I do hope you are doing things to look after yourself.

Hi Netta,

I'm sorry you have been hurting. I think there is always hope, I just don't think there is any way we can know whether or not a certain individual will be blessed with long-term recovery.

There are many members of this community who drank for much longer than your husband and are OK, sober, and happy today. Where there is life, there is hope.

How do you get some one to help when they think nothing is wrong?

^^^you can not help anyone, unless they want it...plain and simple..

thank you. I am new and still can't figure out how to talk to someone or communicate on this site.

netta---I feel you! Isn't it just the BEST to find a great bargain in just what you were looking for?!---and, just down the block---it doesn't get much better. Doesn't it feel like a great victory?

I know you must have a weight loss "plan" cooked up in your mind......
Can you share?

You might inspire some of the rest of us...(LOL).

dandylion

OOPS----NETTA---i'M SORRY---I POSTED A REPLY TO lYSSA ON YOUR THREAD AND i CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO DELETE IT!!!

DANDYLION Please forgive me---

Dandy - I thought I missed something. 😬

I am separated now for 2 months from XABF. We are still in contact, mostly via text, sometimes the phone. I have not (yet) opted for no contact - but I am prepared to pull that trigger.

Meanwhile, I hear everything he says kinda like birds tweeting, or, umm maybe they're ducks, quacking.... even though at this point, all the words *sound* right. But the words don't amount to a hill of beans anymore. He and I both are clear: Only sustained sobriety while working a consistent recovery program matter now, and I will know if that is happening.

He is a notorious drunk dialer/texter, and until they invent a breathalyzer for the phone, he won't be able to hide the truth from me, if he stays in contact.

And if he doesn't stay in contact, that will also be everything I need to know.

Actions, not words.

I am truly sorry for your pain, Netta. I hope things are getting better for you.

Netta; I think anything just about anything is possible. But is that the right answer to your question? I think for me, the question was, could I live with my alcoholic boyfriend exactly as he was. Pinning one's hope on another human being will always lead to disappointment, and that has nothing to do with alcoholism. Hope for yourself is always the way to go.

Unfortunately nothing we do can make an alcoholic hit their rock bottom. So the question becomes, what do I really want in life, what's going to make me happy and am I willing to do what is necessary to reach that end. You deserve to be happy regardless of your AH.