I told you it wouldn't last . . .
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Southern CA
Posts: 26
I told you it wouldn't last . . .
Well, here I am again, ready to post.
I gave birth 3 days ago, on Thursday, but all I deserve is a limited amount of support and sobriety, apparently.
When I posted about my new daughter, I put that my husband managed to maintain throughout the whole thing - well this is not exactly true.
About a week before my daughter was born, I told him that I would never be able to forgive him if he was drunk or had been drinking when I would go into labor. He said okay, and stayed sober for 3 or 4 days, most helpful, caring, and considerate. He just got a new cell phone, so that I could reach him anytime I needed him for anything.
This lasted until Monday. Then he drank, and decided not to answer his cell phone when I called, wondering where he was. He came home lit up and said he left it in the car and I was making a big deal out of nothing.
Tuesday he stayed sober.
Wednesday, he pulled the old cell phone trick again. I tried to call 3 times because I was not feeling well, and he did not answer. He then called me back a half an hour later and said that he was sorry, he was on the phone. Lies. He also said he was on his way, and when I asked, admitted that he had gone to the bar. Let me also mention that this particular evening we were having a basketball banquet for my daughter's baskeball team. When he came home he reeked of beer and looked it, too, and I did not even mention to him that I did not feel well because he could really care less, right?
I struggled with even going to the basketball thing, because I did not want to be embarrassed, but decided that it was better for my daughter if we went, because she was looking forward to it.
A little later, before we went, I was yelling at my daughter about her dirty room, and he came in wanting to be the good guy, (he does this when he has been drinking, and told me to relax, etc., etc.) I told him to but out and he was just stupid and horrible to me and I think was trying to make me look bad to my daughter by taking her side. I told him to cut it out and butt out, and then decided that I had had enough, I did not want to be around him, so I made the executive decision that we were not going to the banquet. Besides, I did not feel well.
Then he pulled the old "Don't do this to your daughter" speech, and proceeded to **** me off even more, because it was so transparent that he was trying to look like the good guy again. My daughter really had no idea why we were not going, and I was not about to explain.
Did I mention to you that the basketball banquet was at his favorite sports bar, and he had already been there once during the day (when he would not answer his phone)
Anyway, he left, and I started timing my contractions. An hour and a half later, I realilzed that they were coming every 3 to 5 minutes, and he was still not around. I was sure he decided to be mad at me and drink it up at the bar after all of the parents left.
I called his parents and let them know. I called my mom and let her know. I took a shower, and continued to time.
I called him and told him. He came right home, surprise, surprise. Then he took me to the hospital and I we found out I was already dialated to 5 centimeters. He smelled like beer but sobered up quickly, and I was so desperate to have some support, I clung to him like an idiot.
This was about 8 pm, and at 2 am the next day, I gave birth to out daughter.
He was good, helpful, and sober but I could tell he was getting cranky around yesterday. It was all too much for him (helping me with the kids, doing chores, being around the house), I could tell.
Then today the s#@t hit the fan. I have been very weepy, just thinking about all he has put me through this whole pregnancy, and how even though he is here, I don't really feel his love or support, because he is extremely impatient with my feelings. I can not tell him how I feel, or he gets very upset.
Somehow we got into it and he told me he was not putting up with my postpartum bulls#$t, and he left with my son 2 hours ago. He was taking him over to have his aunt watch him, and I assumed he would come home, but you want to guess where he might be? And he will drive my son home this way, I am sure.
I guess I should be happy he stayed sober for 3 whole days. I told him I want a divorce. What is the point of even having him around? He can never handle it if I do not feel well or am not perfect and cheerful, or even if I am frustrated by him.
Why should I put up with this anymore? I just gave birth to his child, for god's sake. I am so sick of everyone at his jobs and on the outside thinking he is soooo wonderful, when he treats me like this after I just did the single most sacrificing thing that I can think of for him.
I'm sorry this is so long, I just am so frustrated, sick, and tired. I can't go on like this anymore.
I gave birth 3 days ago, on Thursday, but all I deserve is a limited amount of support and sobriety, apparently.
When I posted about my new daughter, I put that my husband managed to maintain throughout the whole thing - well this is not exactly true.
About a week before my daughter was born, I told him that I would never be able to forgive him if he was drunk or had been drinking when I would go into labor. He said okay, and stayed sober for 3 or 4 days, most helpful, caring, and considerate. He just got a new cell phone, so that I could reach him anytime I needed him for anything.
This lasted until Monday. Then he drank, and decided not to answer his cell phone when I called, wondering where he was. He came home lit up and said he left it in the car and I was making a big deal out of nothing.
Tuesday he stayed sober.
Wednesday, he pulled the old cell phone trick again. I tried to call 3 times because I was not feeling well, and he did not answer. He then called me back a half an hour later and said that he was sorry, he was on the phone. Lies. He also said he was on his way, and when I asked, admitted that he had gone to the bar. Let me also mention that this particular evening we were having a basketball banquet for my daughter's baskeball team. When he came home he reeked of beer and looked it, too, and I did not even mention to him that I did not feel well because he could really care less, right?
I struggled with even going to the basketball thing, because I did not want to be embarrassed, but decided that it was better for my daughter if we went, because she was looking forward to it.
A little later, before we went, I was yelling at my daughter about her dirty room, and he came in wanting to be the good guy, (he does this when he has been drinking, and told me to relax, etc., etc.) I told him to but out and he was just stupid and horrible to me and I think was trying to make me look bad to my daughter by taking her side. I told him to cut it out and butt out, and then decided that I had had enough, I did not want to be around him, so I made the executive decision that we were not going to the banquet. Besides, I did not feel well.
Then he pulled the old "Don't do this to your daughter" speech, and proceeded to **** me off even more, because it was so transparent that he was trying to look like the good guy again. My daughter really had no idea why we were not going, and I was not about to explain.
Did I mention to you that the basketball banquet was at his favorite sports bar, and he had already been there once during the day (when he would not answer his phone)
Anyway, he left, and I started timing my contractions. An hour and a half later, I realilzed that they were coming every 3 to 5 minutes, and he was still not around. I was sure he decided to be mad at me and drink it up at the bar after all of the parents left.
I called his parents and let them know. I called my mom and let her know. I took a shower, and continued to time.
I called him and told him. He came right home, surprise, surprise. Then he took me to the hospital and I we found out I was already dialated to 5 centimeters. He smelled like beer but sobered up quickly, and I was so desperate to have some support, I clung to him like an idiot.
This was about 8 pm, and at 2 am the next day, I gave birth to out daughter.
He was good, helpful, and sober but I could tell he was getting cranky around yesterday. It was all too much for him (helping me with the kids, doing chores, being around the house), I could tell.
Then today the s#@t hit the fan. I have been very weepy, just thinking about all he has put me through this whole pregnancy, and how even though he is here, I don't really feel his love or support, because he is extremely impatient with my feelings. I can not tell him how I feel, or he gets very upset.
Somehow we got into it and he told me he was not putting up with my postpartum bulls#$t, and he left with my son 2 hours ago. He was taking him over to have his aunt watch him, and I assumed he would come home, but you want to guess where he might be? And he will drive my son home this way, I am sure.
I guess I should be happy he stayed sober for 3 whole days. I told him I want a divorce. What is the point of even having him around? He can never handle it if I do not feel well or am not perfect and cheerful, or even if I am frustrated by him.
Why should I put up with this anymore? I just gave birth to his child, for god's sake. I am so sick of everyone at his jobs and on the outside thinking he is soooo wonderful, when he treats me like this after I just did the single most sacrificing thing that I can think of for him.
I'm sorry this is so long, I just am so frustrated, sick, and tired. I can't go on like this anymore.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
((( 2ndBest ))) !!!
I can only imagine the emotional roller coaster you must be on. I hope there are reliable people around you as well. Prayers for you and baby and family.
Hugs,
Smoke
I can only imagine the emotional roller coaster you must be on. I hope there are reliable people around you as well. Prayers for you and baby and family.
Hugs,
Smoke
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Not 2nd Best,
I'm sorry he let you down again, just when you need him the most.
And he needs to be real glad that he wasn't dealing with me when he let fly with that "postpartum bullsh*t" comment. I'm sure that men have been murdered in cold blood for making comments like that to an emotional, hormone-infested woman.
I can tell you right now that if Spicoli had been drinking right after I had our son, I probably would have lost my mind. When you're tired, and sore and emotional, you need someone to be there for you, not disappoint you on a regular basis.
I'm glad you came here to vent, that is a good thing. Keep doing things that are good for you. You deserve that. And if he can't be there for you, at least you are being there for yourself.
Hugs,
Gabe
I'm sorry he let you down again, just when you need him the most.
And he needs to be real glad that he wasn't dealing with me when he let fly with that "postpartum bullsh*t" comment. I'm sure that men have been murdered in cold blood for making comments like that to an emotional, hormone-infested woman.
I can tell you right now that if Spicoli had been drinking right after I had our son, I probably would have lost my mind. When you're tired, and sore and emotional, you need someone to be there for you, not disappoint you on a regular basis.
I'm glad you came here to vent, that is a good thing. Keep doing things that are good for you. You deserve that. And if he can't be there for you, at least you are being there for yourself.
Hugs,
Gabe
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Whynot, NC
Posts: 29
Grrrr....that makes me mad!
Having a baby is so freakin hard. Doing it with no support is near impossible.
My AH started drinking heavily about two weeks after our daughter was born last spring, and it really killed our marriage. You need so much from the other parent when you have a tiny one.
Grrrr....
Having a baby is so freakin hard. Doing it with no support is near impossible.
My AH started drinking heavily about two weeks after our daughter was born last spring, and it really killed our marriage. You need so much from the other parent when you have a tiny one.
Grrrr....
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Best
I am just sending hugs and love and lots of prayers for you and the children. Do the best you can and don't be afraid to call upon friends or family to help you right now. I am sad for the turmoil at this special time.
Huge Hugs
Ann
I am just sending hugs and love and lots of prayers for you and the children. Do the best you can and don't be afraid to call upon friends or family to help you right now. I am sad for the turmoil at this special time.
Huge Hugs
Ann
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
(((((((2ndbest)))))))
I'm so sorry that your husband couldn't keep it together. You definitely shouldn't have to be going through all of this right now. Please try to take care of yourself and the baby.
Hugs,
JG
I'm so sorry that your husband couldn't keep it together. You definitely shouldn't have to be going through all of this right now. Please try to take care of yourself and the baby.
Hugs,
JG
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Levittown Pennsylvania
Posts: 264
you are not alone
I can picture myself in your story and it would ahve played out the same with my AH. I know it hurts when we want them to be so much more for us than they are. Things are fine when they need us, but we start to see the ugliness of our reality when we need them.
Take care of you and those children. They need you, and you need the unconditional love only our children can give us.
Take care of you and those children. They need you, and you need the unconditional love only our children can give us.
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: Illinois
Posts: 9
2nd Best,
I know we feel 2nd but really we are #1 because nobody else would put up with the crap we do!! Your story sounds alot like mine. My A and I had our first child almost 7 yrs. ago. He always promised me that he would stop drinking after we had kids because that would give him something to do at night other than drink. Big Joke!! Thank God I went into labor while he was at work so he had to be sober!! After 15 hours of labor I really hoped that the love for this new little thing would be the answer to the Alchol problem. Yeah right he promised me when he left the hospital that he wasn't going to drink but he showed up the next day and he stunk like boose. Talk about being p***ed! Gabe was right Never Mess With A Woman With Raging Hormones!!!!!!!! Well he didn't stay sober at all after we came home. That wasn't the first time he had disapointed me with empty promises and it hasn't been the last. God Bless you and your family. Keep your chin up and look to the sky! That is where all our strength is! I hope you get everything you want and deserve!! Living with and A isn't easy but I suppose we all knew that going in.
Keep it Real
Claudia
I know we feel 2nd but really we are #1 because nobody else would put up with the crap we do!! Your story sounds alot like mine. My A and I had our first child almost 7 yrs. ago. He always promised me that he would stop drinking after we had kids because that would give him something to do at night other than drink. Big Joke!! Thank God I went into labor while he was at work so he had to be sober!! After 15 hours of labor I really hoped that the love for this new little thing would be the answer to the Alchol problem. Yeah right he promised me when he left the hospital that he wasn't going to drink but he showed up the next day and he stunk like boose. Talk about being p***ed! Gabe was right Never Mess With A Woman With Raging Hormones!!!!!!!! Well he didn't stay sober at all after we came home. That wasn't the first time he had disapointed me with empty promises and it hasn't been the last. God Bless you and your family. Keep your chin up and look to the sky! That is where all our strength is! I hope you get everything you want and deserve!! Living with and A isn't easy but I suppose we all knew that going in.
Keep it Real
Claudia
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Tucson Arizona
Posts: 28
Dear 2nd best,
I know it's so hard to keep things in perspective
when your parter is not there...
Just try to remember how sensitive our little
ones really are and how THEY ARE our #1
priority at all times...
I say this because I noticed that my daughter
tends to notice whenever I get upset
inside.
I think the best thing
we can do at this point
is shift our focus from
our f!@#'d up husbands
to our beautiful children.
I know it's so hard to keep things in perspective
when your parter is not there...
Just try to remember how sensitive our little
ones really are and how THEY ARE our #1
priority at all times...
I say this because I noticed that my daughter
tends to notice whenever I get upset
inside.
I think the best thing
we can do at this point
is shift our focus from
our f!@#'d up husbands
to our beautiful children.
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