Tryingtoletgo3

My STBXAH has the games and manipulation down! Some background- husban and I separated 9 months ago due to his drinking and abusive behavior. We share a 1 year old and a 2 week old. 4 months ago I filed for a protective order due to my husbands crazy behavior. He responded by filing for divorce. Now, for 4 months he has stalld the divorce from moving forward. I agreed orignally to inform him of health info for our son who is special needs. I have kep that promise, but have been no contact otherwise. He has had nothing to do with our son and didnt even acknowledge the birth of our new son. He doesnt respond when i tell him about dr appts or if the boys are ill, doesnt help in any way, doesnt ask about the kids....
Last night I received 3 calls from his dads number. I didnt answer because i knew it was him and wanted proof via voicemail if he was drunk or threatening. He left 2 msgs. The first was informative, about him gettng a new phone. The second was simply saying he hopes the boys and i are doing well. I know what he is up to. He uses people and only sticks around for months before moving on. He is tired of living with his dad and needs someone else to use again...
NOT THIS GIRL! I am not biting the bait he has thrown my way. I love him, so much...but he hurt my son and i wont go back to the craziness. What do I do to stay strong? It has been a physical struggle all day not to call him back. My head is being rational, but my heart feels like its breaking all over again. Why cant he just leave me alone!

forworse

Hi, I feel for you. Alcoholics and addicts are a strange breed and will do anything, say anything, use anybody when they are active. The best thing I ever did was to sign on here and then go to al anon. it has given me strength and life during the chaos. I met some new friends and have added a little sanity back to my life. My AW finally figured out that I wasn't playing into her dirty games anymore and decided to go back to rehab today. I take no credit nor did I say do this or else. I simply got the number and gave her the phone. There is an amount of strength that builds when you have a group. my first week going i went to 4 meetings and second week went to 5. In a very short amount of time I was able to change just enough to not let it consume me. Does the craziness at home still bother me? yep but its been soooo much better since i started going to meetings! if you aren't doing so already, find a group or two would be my suggestion.

i hope things get better!

NeedHappiness

Trying..... get yourself busy doing SOMETHING! Anything to get your mind off of him.

Tryingtoletgo3

I have been going to alanon since December. It seems that no matter how much I know or how logical I am though, I cant get my heart on board with what I know needs to continue to happen.

Tryingtoletgo3

Needhappiness- There arent enough hours in the day for me to add anything else I am so busy. With a five year old, one year old, and newborn, plus being back to work already, having a special needs son who has 2-3 drs appts a week....no matter what I am doing that pain and pull is there though. Everytime I get him out of my head and feel peaceful he pops back up with a phone call or text and it starts all over again. I have maintaning no contact, but emotionally its draining me

cr995

Tryingtoletgo3 you are doing so well. You are managing just fine given everything that's been thrown at you. Plus you are so right in your summary of the behaviour of alcoholics/addicts.

I think it is so natural for you to feel like you do because you are not an addict and are somebody capable of caring for others.
I have found that when we feel the love for them we beat ourselves up for feeling like that when there is nothing wrong with it at all. They are your feelings and you have every right to feel them. It does not mean we have to DO anything about it. We can simply just feel and acknowledge that to ourselves. Life without them does get better but it takes a while and you are on the right road. No point in putting in all this hard work and then going backwards into the craziness , but I unsderstand how your whole being wants to.

You are doing great in a really tough situation and it will get better , just hang in there. (((((Hugs))))).

Tryingtoletgo3

I worked through not calling and am so proud. Last night he struck again. I took my phone to bed because i have a family member who is dying. I woke up at 1 am to the phone ringing and answered without looking. It was stbxah. I let him ramble for a few minutes, then hung up. He proceeded to call 7 more times back to back and i ignored it. Then he started texting threats because i wasnt answering. I wish he would just go back to ignoring us. I stayed strong and didnt respond, but i spent the whole night awake and upset. He sounded like he was drunk. For the first time that didnt bother me...i just want him to disappear.