Well, he lost his job...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
I'm so confused. I don't know why. Honestly, if my physical condition were not so poor I'd have been out months ago. I'm terrified. My dad lives in Europe. My dog is staying with his parents for now. I love her and I don't want to be without her. There is a job opportunity another state over in PA for him. If they won't let my dog live there I'm thinking I'm leaving. My dad might help me financially. He already suspects physical abuse. My phone is broken or I'd call him. I only talk to him thru email. Years ago I was a horrible person. Sometimes I think karma has caught up to me.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Dear onawa, don't think you have to do this on your own. There is more help than you realize. I don't know the nature of your physical disability---but there are many organizations that exist just to help the handicapped--the practical things of daily living. The domestic violence organizations have knowledge of all of this type of help and have the connections that simplify getting started. for you.
It would be a mistake to think that there is no help---to think that you have the only answers. As much as you think that your situation is unique--it really isn't (only to you, maybe). Everyday, people are overcoming the challenges that you face.
The one thing that only you can do is to reach out your hand. My grandmother used to tell me (constantly) that "God helps those who help themselves". Reaching out and letting others know that you need help is the best way--actually, the only way---of helping yourself, right now.
Reach out to the domestic violence center and tell them your story. They stay completely discrete---they deal with this every day!! No one else needs to know that they are helping you.
Onawa, take courage and inspiration from the others on this board who have been in your situation. They will not steer you wrong--they know and understand in a way that few other can.
dandylion
It would be a mistake to think that there is no help---to think that you have the only answers. As much as you think that your situation is unique--it really isn't (only to you, maybe). Everyday, people are overcoming the challenges that you face.
The one thing that only you can do is to reach out your hand. My grandmother used to tell me (constantly) that "God helps those who help themselves". Reaching out and letting others know that you need help is the best way--actually, the only way---of helping yourself, right now.
Reach out to the domestic violence center and tell them your story. They stay completely discrete---they deal with this every day!! No one else needs to know that they are helping you.
Onawa, take courage and inspiration from the others on this board who have been in your situation. They will not steer you wrong--they know and understand in a way that few other can.
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
This is a time to pull your support network together -- independent of what your violent alcoholic partner is doing -- and not get buried in shame. Reach out to your dad and tell him what is going on. Ask for his help. If he says no or he can't help you with money or moving, call the domestic violence hotline and let them walk you through your options.
If it feels overwhelming it is because you are overwhelmed. Remember it is okay to feel uncomfortable -- because it will force you to make some changes for your betterment! But you don't have to do this alone. Epic journeys begin with a single step. You deserve health and happiness. You don't have to believe that yet, but you do.
If it feels overwhelming it is because you are overwhelmed. Remember it is okay to feel uncomfortable -- because it will force you to make some changes for your betterment! But you don't have to do this alone. Epic journeys begin with a single step. You deserve health and happiness. You don't have to believe that yet, but you do.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Dandylion and Florence are right on. So many times in my life I've suffered with feeling overwhelmed and helpless, and when I finally get over that mental block (a lot of which, I've discovered, is my own pride and ego, plus fear), tell people I need help, reach out to people who are either professionals or people I can trust, amazing things have happened. Inevitably I wound up kicking myself for not doing it sooner.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 877
Onawa,
I also want to add that the physical body does not heal well when the mind is under chronic stress. You said it would be hard to leave because of your health but maybe your health would improve if you left.. Just a thought.
Hugs
I also want to add that the physical body does not heal well when the mind is under chronic stress. You said it would be hard to leave because of your health but maybe your health would improve if you left.. Just a thought.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 214
I think that abusers also take note of those things; our love for our pets, our attachment to our community, any health vulnerabilities, old shames--and use them, over and over again, to keep us in place, trapped, and stuck with the abuse.
Take the help of your father, or anyone else, and build a life where your vulnerabilities and attachments are part of your intimacy with friends and family--not pitfalls.
I hope that his job loss is a wonderful opportunity for you. Your dog will understand!
Take the help of your father, or anyone else, and build a life where your vulnerabilities and attachments are part of your intimacy with friends and family--not pitfalls.
I hope that his job loss is a wonderful opportunity for you. Your dog will understand!
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