unindated

I've gone nearly 3 months now with NC with my AF. At first it was tough. I felt like I had being pushed away and all blame pinned on me. I am feeling a lot better today and don't spend all day, every day, thinking about what happened, what could have been done different etc etc.

However, I realised that I still have thoughts that I will hear from my friend and all will be well again. We'll get back to having all the laughs and times that we spent together. While this doesn't particularly affect by day in a really negative day, it would be much easier if I could some how just accept that this is not going to happen.

I am looking after myself, doing things that I have not done before and moving on, but this part of me just drags me back a step every now again.

Does it just get better with time?

Hammer

When we are talking "friend," we just mean friend, right?

While everyone cautions away from rebounders in the romance realm, nothing wrong with getting some replacement friends, is there?

Does not make this one all better, but it may turn out that someone who is not using you could be a real friend.

funkynassau

I had to go NC with a "friend". It was hard and I didnt like having to do it, but it was necessary for me, in order to simplify my life. He monopolized my time too much, too much whining, negativity, attempts at manipulation, all the usual stuff they do.

That was in June, it's now Sept. and I feel much better, but yeah I hated doing it. It's not like me to hurt another human being but I did, and I have to live with that. He's still drinking like a fish, driving his mother nuts, and nothing has changed in his daily habits. I dont think anything will.

So, yes, it does get better. You cant rationalize with an alkie, you have to move on and live your life as you see fit. It takes time, so be patient with yourself.

Tuffgirl

Here's where I think a perspective change is in order. You didn't set out to "hurt another human being". You protected yourself first and foremost. That's what you are supposed to do, and know that no one else will do this for you.

If he "got hurt", that is his responsibility and his feelings. Let him own that himself, and you own your choices knowing you did the right thing for you. And then let go of any guilt you may feel over it.

When you can get to that point, it is much easier to let it go.

funkynassau

Oh I do understand all of that, I think this was the first time ever that I've had to dump a friend. Even tho it was not a good friendship. Yes he has to own this and I'm sure he's thought about it a lot. Not enough to do anything about it tho. Cant see that ever happening. Yes I did the right thing for me, that was my objective, to get away from this toxic person. Thanks for your comment.

Tuffgirl

Breaking up with anyone causes emotional pain. I felt horrible when I finally cut loose my long time best friend because of her drinking antics. My divorce was horrible. Yes, it does get better, and yes, we all know we are doing the right thing. But at first, it just feels crappy. And the only way through it is - yep you guessed it - through it.

Hang in there, unindated. And keep a little hope in the back of your mind that maybe, just maybe, you will be friends again down the road, if he (she? can't remember now) chooses to get sober. That's always a possibility, even if its very remote.

unindated

Thanks to all the replies and I apology for the late response.

Hammer, we were just friends, albeit, very close friends. We were never dating but spent a lot of time together.

I confided in somebody about all this this week and got some good feedback and advice. One thing that I find myself asking is did I do the right thing in the following...

My friend was a single mum and lived away from her parents and other family member. She was very functional, went to work every day, smart appearance, intelligent...from the outside you wouldn't believe anything was wrong. I'm almost certain that I am the only one to know the extent of her problems, as she would get very defensive and agitated when I spoke to one of her family members and admitted to me that her parents and family believed she had stopped drinking.

It's been 3 months since we were in contact and I never mentioned anything to her family members about these problems, but I'm questioning whether I should of. As I said, she has a young daughter and I feel terrified at the thought of what they are both going through.

She did tell me one night that none of her family seem to be concerned about her daughter, which further enhances my belief that none of them know the extent of the problem.

Thanks for reading