chickaree777

Just when I thought I was getting better and stronger, I realized I am apparently still deeply involved in this dysfunctional situation. I left my husband in June, moved into my parents house with my son. Told my husband he has to go to counseling/rehab before we even consider returning. He is of course, furious, venomous, blaming everyone but himself, manipulating, yelling, etc. He hasn't seen our son much. Maybe 3 times over 3 months. He's keeping track and threatening the courts. The few times we have talked on the phone he has yelled at me, called me names, threatened, etc.

As strong as I thought I was, his yelling and manipulations got me to agree to see him today, to give him some money for food.

I was headed out the door with my purse on my shoulder and my mother stopped me and then my parents confronted me about it. They talked me out of going.

Now I realize I am still addicted to this codependent relationship. Though I've been seeing a therapist for a few weeks and I've read a lot of books I'm still being snagged by his manipulations. I still think I can change him! I have not recovered at all!!!

Can I recover???? I am soooo uncomfortable with HIS discomfort. I will do just about anything to "appease" him. And I fear him getting the courts involved, even though HE is the substance abuser. I know he might still get 50% custody. He has no job, no money, not even a functioning car. But the court system doesn't always seem to work well. I thought I could appease him by helping him get food so he would stop badgering me about seeing our son.

Anyone have any words of wisdom? I'm feeling lost in this.....

Tuffgirl

He won't stop badgering until you start doing what he wants. Your parents are spot on...don't take the bait. Don't allow yourself to be snagged by his manipulations. That's a conscious choice we make everyday.

And if he has no money, job, car, or food, how can he afford a lawyer to fight you in court anyway?!

dandylion

chickaree---3 months is really a short time to become completely recovered from co-depencency leanings (LOL). Thank goodness you have your parents there to prevent you from "going over the cliff"---thank them. thank goodness you had the clarity to get away from the situation with your son in June.

Since you are so lucky to have caring and supportive parents---I would as them to help you in some more constructive ways---maybe they can help you get a good lawyer with experience to start setting up your legal safeguards NOW. You will need to get proactive on this.

Alanon can help you NOW. This will help you to stay strong and on the right path for you and your son. Maybe, one of your parents can go with you from time to time--while the other watches your son.

We talk about progress....not perfection. You have help--and, even more help is there for you. Just reach out your hand.

You can and will get through this. So many others, here, have been in your shoes and have made it through.

dandylion

Bubovski

Suggest you keep reading the books.
Have you read Eric Berne,Games People Play?
A change of counsellor sometimes provides a new perspective.

At least being aware that you are co-dependent is a step in the right direction.

chickaree777

Thanks everyone. My family (including my cousin) seemed to have what was almost like a little intervention for me tonight. They all know my husband very well, and know me even better and talked to me for a long time. I'm exhausted now. I never thought of myself as another part of the puzzle of his addiction, but I am. And I have my own addiction to the idea that I can fix him. Thank goodness I go to my therapist tomorrow. The last time I went I thought I was so together and had it all under control.

I haven't been to an alanon meeting, but I am going to make a real effort to get to one now.