advice needed please
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 3
advice needed please
hiya
I would like to seek some advice. my oh drinks only beer so feels he is not an alcoholic. drinks between 8-12 cans per night. also comes in from work a bit tipsy most nights so not sure how he manages it at work too as he drives as part of his job.
we have a two yeaer old son who I don't feel he has bonded with particularly well and I would desparately love another baby but is this just being ridiculous?
he has cut down quite a bit but no guarantee for how long. his dad was an alcoholic.
we have been together since we were 18 and he has always drank a lot as did I when I was younger but thought he would grow out of it like me.
any advicde would be appreciated.
he came in from work with a drink in him on Wednesday and I never realised until we were In the car with him and he was driving us.
I know it can't go on but would love my little boy to have chance of a sibling.
we have to go though ivf too so its not easy.
how do I talk to him about it. I have tried a few times but he says nothing apart from he has no problem.
help!
I would like to seek some advice. my oh drinks only beer so feels he is not an alcoholic. drinks between 8-12 cans per night. also comes in from work a bit tipsy most nights so not sure how he manages it at work too as he drives as part of his job.
we have a two yeaer old son who I don't feel he has bonded with particularly well and I would desparately love another baby but is this just being ridiculous?
he has cut down quite a bit but no guarantee for how long. his dad was an alcoholic.
we have been together since we were 18 and he has always drank a lot as did I when I was younger but thought he would grow out of it like me.
any advicde would be appreciated.
he came in from work with a drink in him on Wednesday and I never realised until we were In the car with him and he was driving us.
I know it can't go on but would love my little boy to have chance of a sibling.
we have to go though ivf too so its not easy.
how do I talk to him about it. I have tried a few times but he says nothing apart from he has no problem.
help!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Twinkle, if he says he has no problem, there is no way you are going to convince him of it and make him want to get sober. He HAS to do that for himself.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease. As long as he is actively drinking, he will ONLY get worse, never better.
Armed with those 2 pieces of information, ask yourself if it's a good idea to bring another child into this situation...
May I strongly suggest you get to an Alanon meeting soon? I think you would learn a lot there and get support that you're likely to need, going forward. Here's a link to help you find a meeting. http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
Also, I'd recommend you spend some time here at SR each day reading thru the posts on this forum (don't miss the stickied ones at the top of the page) and educating yourself about alcoholism and what it is as well as what you can and can't do about your A. It won't likely be pleasant, but once your eyes are opened and you are informed, you'll be able to see what you need to do, going forward.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease. As long as he is actively drinking, he will ONLY get worse, never better.
Armed with those 2 pieces of information, ask yourself if it's a good idea to bring another child into this situation...
May I strongly suggest you get to an Alanon meeting soon? I think you would learn a lot there and get support that you're likely to need, going forward. Here's a link to help you find a meeting. http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
Also, I'd recommend you spend some time here at SR each day reading thru the posts on this forum (don't miss the stickied ones at the top of the page) and educating yourself about alcoholism and what it is as well as what you can and can't do about your A. It won't likely be pleasant, but once your eyes are opened and you are informed, you'll be able to see what you need to do, going forward.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Two kids do not make one drunk spouse any easier.
I would describe it that YOU have the problem.
You have a problem with the kids having a drunk dad, rather than the honorable man and father they deserve.
And then before he gets a chance to think about that . . . f- his brains out.
Ok. THAT part is not any reasonable advice, but it is not such a bad thing . . . never heard of any guy arguing with it . . . and there is something about not enough blood supply run the man's brain and other areas at the same time.
Scientifically speaking, that is.
I would describe it that YOU have the problem.
You have a problem with the kids having a drunk dad, rather than the honorable man and father they deserve.
And then before he gets a chance to think about that . . . f- his brains out.
Ok. THAT part is not any reasonable advice, but it is not such a bad thing . . . never heard of any guy arguing with it . . . and there is something about not enough blood supply run the man's brain and other areas at the same time.
Scientifically speaking, that is.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
The type of alcohol you drink doesn't define what type of alcoholic you are. He's an A....period. The hard part for you is if he doesn't believe it, there's nothing you can do to convince him.
But you can take care of you and your son. Read over in the children of alcoholics forum....you do NOT want to burden 2 children with the pain of an alcoholic parent. IMO, and this is only my opinion, you would be crazy to bring another child into this situation right now. This is a progressive disease, so your AH will only get worse.
Find an AlAnon meeting near you, read the posts here, keep posting yourself. Get educated on this ugly disease, so you can make good choices for your son and yourself.
But you can take care of you and your son. Read over in the children of alcoholics forum....you do NOT want to burden 2 children with the pain of an alcoholic parent. IMO, and this is only my opinion, you would be crazy to bring another child into this situation right now. This is a progressive disease, so your AH will only get worse.
Find an AlAnon meeting near you, read the posts here, keep posting yourself. Get educated on this ugly disease, so you can make good choices for your son and yourself.
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