allysen

I'm not an alcoholic, but lived with my XAH for years. Before I recognized he was an alcoholic, we often drank together and I never viewed alcohol negatively. However, as his disease progressed and we stopped denying it was a problem, my views on it changed to very negative.

I got pregnant in March 2012 and haven't drank since. When I smell it on others, when I'm around others (not alcoholics) who are drinking, when someone asks me if I want a drink, I'm soooo uncomfortable. Just bad memories I guess? Sometimes though, when the kids are in bed and I'm outside on the deck reading I think "A glass of wine would be nice right now." But then I immediately feel guilty for even thinking it. Same thing when I'm in a nice restaurant and would like wine with my steak, but opt for water instead.

Will I ever re-gain a sense of healthy drinking? (I'm starting to even wonder if there's such a thing). How?

SparkleKitty

I don't know if it's psychosomatic or not, but about 4 years ago I had a terrible reaction to a relatively small amount of tequila. We called it alcohol poisoning and I didn't think much about it. Since then, my tolerance to alcohol has decreased significantly (and it was never great to begin with). Nowadays, a single glass of white wine has about a 50/50 chance of making me ill (ranging from sleep-disturbing irritability to more of a normal old hangover type reaction). I can have a few light beers without a reaction. But if I even smell hard liquor I become nauseated.

After weighing all the options, I have decided not to give a hoot if it's psychosomatic or an honest to goodness alcohol allergy/sensitivity/intolerance; I just decided not to have it anymore! And I am pretty grateful every day that despite coming from a long line of alcoholics, I can let go of it so easily.

I can't tell you if you'll ever regain a sense of "healthy" drinking. I hope so, if it adds something nice to your life. I can just tell you that I don't much miss it.

Hammer

You will save a LOT of money at the restaurants.

Used to joke about Mrs. Hammer being the world's cheapest date.

No alcohol, and being veggie, no meat.

Of course, that was before the Eating Disorder. Now with the regimented food, her grocery bill is likely as high as the rest of the family combined.

But back to whether time and distance will change your view . . . maybe so, maybe no. But for today I suppose it is fun to muse?

spiderqueen

After watching the horrible progress of alcoholism in my XABF, I, too, feel sick at the smell, thought, taste of alcohol. The bottles in the store even trigger me a bit.

I am going to visit my daughter's new boyfriend's family with her today, and they are winemakers!

So I am working out how to gracefully decline to taste their wine... Maybe say I am intolerant, or allergic. Or... can I sip tiny amounts for flavor only?

Guess I will play that by ear. :/

pinkdog

Hi allysen, alcohol is poison to me. I am an alcoholic. It will always be poison to me.

BoxinRotz

I know when I'm with AH, I have NO TOLERANCE for it at all. But, I found myself at my brother's house 2 days ago shooting our bows in and thinking, A nice cold beer would be nice. And then I said to myself... Nahhhhhhhh!

nbay2013

Good question allysen. I was never a big drinker, but I really like celebratory champagne and the cocktail with dinner. And I CANNOT drink right now. It's definitely a trigger for me. I don't like the feeling I get from it anymore. Perhaps for me because my breakup is so recent I don't like having any feeling of being vulnerable and drinking makes me feel too raw. So I don't care...I just don't drink right now.

forworse

Interesting. Our story is similar. My AW that is active again and I used to do the same, it was normal for us. She became dependent and it has severely damaged our marriage. I haven't had a drink at home since this all started getting out of control. I have a safe full of liquor I was confiscating from the early part of her fall to the disease. I haven't had a sip of it and the thought of having a drink at home makes me sick. I am not repulsed by it anywhere but home(weird). I also have noticed how people that drink 'look' The hollowed dark eyes, a certain swelling in the jaw area, loss of muscle tone, etc I don't dislike these people and feel sorry for them. Just knowing their lifestyle by appearance... Back to the topic though, anyone else that drinks socially and enjoys it, feel differently about the substance where the A is destroying themself? The smell of it at home makes me sick. Anywhere else it doesn't bother me.

Hopeworks

I didn't drink when with my XA for four years. I now have a glass of wine, a wine cellar and smile everytime I see it and thank my stars I don't have to worry about it "disappearing" and chaos ensuing in my household.

Yes... in time, if you want it, you can enjoy a glass of wine with dinner without guilt or nausea... you can almost...become a normie!

lizw

I don't drink cause I am an alcoholic. I'm also an al anon member and most of my friends there appear to have given up alcohol for a period of time once they got into recovery then have become normal drinkers. Some even get drunk occasionally. Have noticed it don't take much either!

I have one friend who gave it up completely as alcoholism runs in her family and she says she doesn't want to tempt fate - she's probably been sober longer than I have.

I've recently started a relationship with someone who drinks heavily at times and has done his entire life. His first wife (from what he said) appears to have really hated it, in an al anon sort of way. She spent a lot of time trying to get him to stop. That was 20 years ago. His mates drink heavily too. Some more than others and it has affected them physically over the years.

What I have observed and am experienced is the difference between alcoholic behaviour and drunken behaviour which is a completely new experience for me. I am such an all or nothing fearful thinker so in my mind people who have more than 1 or 2 and/or get drunk must be alcoholic.

This is rather illogical thinking I am learning as my own experience of alcoholism is alcoholism is more than just excessive drinking. If it was just about the substance when real alcoholics stopped they'd be fine and life would be great.

I often listen to my new mate and his friends talking when they are knocking a few back and it is actually a social activity for them to get together and have a few. I know for myself (in the end) there was nothing social about my drinking. I was drinking alone and raging at the world.

There is the odd person in their social circle tho who does have what I would define as 'alcoholic drinking.' I.e hiding bottles, numerous drunk driving charges, wetting the bed, chronic promiscuity etc... And that resentful sort of attitude towards life and everyone in it.

I thought I'd share all that as it is a very interesting and insightful experience what I am currently going through.