Abf
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 10
I am in a long term-relationship for 12 years, helped raise his older kids and now we have a 3 yr old son and 6 yr old daughter. For the past 8 months he has told me that he no longer considers himself in a manomgamous relationship. For financial reasons we r still in the same house. Today he took my son to the beach 10-6 pm. My son came home and I
asked how his day was and if his friend was there? He said "no but daddy's friends Leann was there". Our kids don't know that we are separating In the near future. They think we are still together. I am so upset and feel so disrespected that he thinks its okay to bring another woman around my kids. I get that he has moved on and don't want him around us anymore but the fact that he has the nerve to bring a girl around my kids is beyond my comprehension.
I need all the strength and hope to help me move through this one.
asked how his day was and if his friend was there? He said "no but daddy's friends Leann was there". Our kids don't know that we are separating In the near future. They think we are still together. I am so upset and feel so disrespected that he thinks its okay to bring another woman around my kids. I get that he has moved on and don't want him around us anymore but the fact that he has the nerve to bring a girl around my kids is beyond my comprehension.
I need all the strength and hope to help me move through this one.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
With the kids, I treat Mrs. Hammer's stuff as Mental Illness. In practice, it appears to be so. NAMI has some guidelines/best practices for that, and I have quit lying and covering for it.
Here is some of that:
NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness | Home
THE TRUTH BOUNDARY
The Well Spouse must categorically refuse to hide the illness from children, extended family and friends. Only if the MIS [Mentally Ill Spouse] is working is there justification for hiding the illness, and then only from work colleagues. Not telling creates enormous isolation. Not telling and talking creates enormous confusion for children. Not telling and talking prevents education. Not telling and talking prevents development of good coping skills. No Family Secrets! No Stigma! This is a biological brain disorder. It is an Illness, like any other.
Here is some of that:
NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness | Home
THE TRUTH BOUNDARY
The Well Spouse must categorically refuse to hide the illness from children, extended family and friends. Only if the MIS [Mentally Ill Spouse] is working is there justification for hiding the illness, and then only from work colleagues. Not telling creates enormous isolation. Not telling and talking creates enormous confusion for children. Not telling and talking prevents education. Not telling and talking prevents development of good coping skills. No Family Secrets! No Stigma! This is a biological brain disorder. It is an Illness, like any other.
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
Ugh, I am so very sorry you are having to deal with this. What kind of BS is that???? Unbelievable! Big hugs to you.
Well clearly in his mind it is all about him, as he's the only one he's thinking about judging by his actions. I wish I had some practical advice for the moment, rather than the obvious advice about the future like eventually not living together.
What's the situation with the house? Is it a rental, or do one or both of you own it?
You might want to consider renting within another house if that is possible, I don't know much about your financial situation, or if you are working or a stay at home mom. Some people rent out more than one room in a house or even an entire floor. Often some or all utilities are included.
Can you turn to any friends or family for anything? I know that can be complicated.
Does he work so you could get child support? I know child support isn't necessarily as cut and dry as him being ordered to pay it and then him paying it...I know it's possible to avoid the responsibility of paying it...do you think he would?
Post away...I'm sure someone who has been in a situation with some similarities will be along eventually with more thoughts. Wish I could offer more, just know I am thinking of you and wishing you the very best.
Peace.
Well clearly in his mind it is all about him, as he's the only one he's thinking about judging by his actions. I wish I had some practical advice for the moment, rather than the obvious advice about the future like eventually not living together.
What's the situation with the house? Is it a rental, or do one or both of you own it?
You might want to consider renting within another house if that is possible, I don't know much about your financial situation, or if you are working or a stay at home mom. Some people rent out more than one room in a house or even an entire floor. Often some or all utilities are included.
Can you turn to any friends or family for anything? I know that can be complicated.
Does he work so you could get child support? I know child support isn't necessarily as cut and dry as him being ordered to pay it and then him paying it...I know it's possible to avoid the responsibility of paying it...do you think he would?
Post away...I'm sure someone who has been in a situation with some similarities will be along eventually with more thoughts. Wish I could offer more, just know I am thinking of you and wishing you the very best.
Peace.
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