therapy
box of chocolates
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
therapy
Anyone done role reversal therapy with your A in group therapy or a group session with your A in general? How did it make you feel? Thoughts?
After group session I realized a bit more of my role in ahs addiction and want to listen more and be understanding..
However at the same time ah continues to drink...trying to manage his drinking and I feel like trust and communication works bothways so while I feel I play a part more than just taking care of me and not enabling him that in order to be heard myself or hear him....he must be willing to take away the alcohol to move forward.
I know he's making some sort of steps but at the same time he is still using while I think making it about me and not his role in continuing to drink.
So the session left me feeling sad yet upset not really angry just disappointment sort of about how I understood my part a bit more yet he's not entirely seeing his.
atleast not in a way that I hoped. He said he wanted to say more than he did....almost like he has these deep seeded issues with me and HE needs to let it out.
Maybe I'm thinking too into it but it upset me
Any feedback would be awesome
After group session I realized a bit more of my role in ahs addiction and want to listen more and be understanding..
However at the same time ah continues to drink...trying to manage his drinking and I feel like trust and communication works bothways so while I feel I play a part more than just taking care of me and not enabling him that in order to be heard myself or hear him....he must be willing to take away the alcohol to move forward.
I know he's making some sort of steps but at the same time he is still using while I think making it about me and not his role in continuing to drink.
So the session left me feeling sad yet upset not really angry just disappointment sort of about how I understood my part a bit more yet he's not entirely seeing his.
atleast not in a way that I hoped. He said he wanted to say more than he did....almost like he has these deep seeded issues with me and HE needs to let it out.
Maybe I'm thinking too into it but it upset me
Any feedback would be awesome
box of chocolates
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
I want to support him and the therapy to work but it can't if he's not meeting me halfway.
How can it when I make changes but he won't make the one change that's brought us here.
The reason his and our life is a mess and the fact that I went and did and am trying even though I just want to pack my bags and leave.
My actively-alcoholic ex wanted my support and to go to therapy, too. There wasn't really any true interest in getting sober and moving forward--it had everything to do with keeping me around so that things felt more "comfortable" and "familiar" to the alcoholic.
As for my part, I was addicted, too...to the relationship. When I refused to be held hostage anymore it was over. And then I could focus on therapy (and Alanon) for myself. In my experience an active addict isn't really looking for "support", they are looking to keep what they want, when they want it, the way they want it.
Hugs to you, none of this is easy...
posie
As for my part, I was addicted, too...to the relationship. When I refused to be held hostage anymore it was over. And then I could focus on therapy (and Alanon) for myself. In my experience an active addict isn't really looking for "support", they are looking to keep what they want, when they want it, the way they want it.
Hugs to you, none of this is easy...
posie
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
I was in couples therapy with stbxah last year after I kicked him out of the house for his binging, drunk driving with our child in the car, and scary behaviors.
We had a huge fight after each session. During, he'd be calm and I'd be in tears while he did - nothing.
Later, I read that one shouldn't be in couple's therapy with an active A, especially an angry, abusive one.
Yet, he admitted some truths about his drinking and behaviors that have been invaluable in helping me get grounded in reality. So I have no regrets.
But the experience did drag me through the wringer. Any contact with him does, come to think of it.
Don't do this thing to help him. He's just trying to get back to a place in your relationship that makes it more comfortable to drink again, imho.
If it helps you though, then great.
We had a huge fight after each session. During, he'd be calm and I'd be in tears while he did - nothing.
Later, I read that one shouldn't be in couple's therapy with an active A, especially an angry, abusive one.
Yet, he admitted some truths about his drinking and behaviors that have been invaluable in helping me get grounded in reality. So I have no regrets.
But the experience did drag me through the wringer. Any contact with him does, come to think of it.
Don't do this thing to help him. He's just trying to get back to a place in your relationship that makes it more comfortable to drink again, imho.
If it helps you though, then great.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
I did some therapy / education sort of sessions with an Eating Disorder group in Dallas. I was on the partner side of things for Mrs. Hammer.
It was done as a freebie, as the group was sort of just figuring out their business.
But for being free, it cost me about $4000 as I had to take 8 days off work to cover it.
Looking back, I might have learned some useful codependent skills from it -- like holding Mrs. Hammer's hair up while she barfed, so it would not fall in the toilet, or some such.
Near as I could tell, Mrs. Hammer just used that therapy group to trade notes and perfect her Anorexia / Barfology craft.
She later got shipped to real rehab when her AA sponsor threatened to "fire" Mrs. Hammer if she did not go.
It was done as a freebie, as the group was sort of just figuring out their business.
But for being free, it cost me about $4000 as I had to take 8 days off work to cover it.
Looking back, I might have learned some useful codependent skills from it -- like holding Mrs. Hammer's hair up while she barfed, so it would not fall in the toilet, or some such.
Near as I could tell, Mrs. Hammer just used that therapy group to trade notes and perfect her Anorexia / Barfology craft.
She later got shipped to real rehab when her AA sponsor threatened to "fire" Mrs. Hammer if she did not go.
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