Outside

Hi everyone, have just joined this forum (also posted in the introducing myself bit!)

I joined because i no longer know where to turn and have nobody to talk to. I have been with my husband for 14 years and whilst he's always liked a drink now and again, Ive never considered it a problem.

However over the last 5 years its become increasingly more frequent and is not at the point where he drinks every single night, a minimum of 6 cans of lager, usually around 9 or 10, maybe more at weekend. On Saturdays and Sundays he will start to drink at lunch time. By 5pm tonight he was on his 8th can

I think he is an alcoholic, he doesnt.

I want to make my marriage work but i dont know how. His drinking is driving up apart. I have cried, tried to explain how i feel, pleaded with him, threatened to leave. Sometimes he promises to cut down but never does, the following day its the same thing.

We have had a terrible, stressful and sad few years- we lost a newborn daughter and stillborn son, his brother committed suicide and his Mum also died. I understand he is grieving but that is not an excuse imo.

We have 4 children and I am 7 months pregnant, and the drinking is taking its toll on all of us.

I no longer know what to do. Please, can anyone help? x

honeypig

Outside, you've been thru a lot; glad you found your way to SR. I found a lot of learning and a lot of support here and I hope you do also.

First of all, please do read as much as you can here, and don't miss the stickied threads at the top of the page. Educating yourself about alcoholism will help you in knowing what to do, what to take responsibility for, and how not to make yourself crazy trying to control people and things that you simply CAN'T.

This thread http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html is from the stickied threads I mentioned and might be a useful read for you at this point.

I would also strongly recommend Alanon; please check out a couple of different meetings as soon as you can. SR is a great place, but it's good to have some face-to-face support also. The people at Alanon have all been in your shoes and will do their best to help you, welcome you and make you feel at home. Here's a link to help you find local meetings: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

Again, welcome to SR, and keep reading and posting--your path will become clearer as you learn more.

Danae

Welcome!

I'm sure others will be along with advice. I just wanted to say that it sounds like an incredibly difficult situation, and I hope you can find support on SR. It is a great community and you will always find someone here to listen. So sorry to hear about your troubles.

Danae

dandylion

Outside, I think the worst part of this is the feeling of isolation and helpless as to what to do. Most especially since you are pregnant, the first step is to gather your support around you--you will draw your strength and hope from them. Living with active alcoholism does a job of ones self confidence and self-esteem. You didn't cause the alcoholism and you can't control it. You want to fix your marriage--but you can't do that alone.

Keep learning, here, on SR. Go to an alanon meeting as soon as possible (your most important step--because of the important face-to-face connection). If you have a church or minister that can become a great resource for you, also. If you have the faith to reach out--just as you have done here--you will find that others will embrace you and help you.

You will have to be strong and face this realistically becase your children need you and YOU need YOU!! alanon is for you.

You will work your way through this--just as others in your same shoes have done before you.

dandylion