OnawaMiniya

Good point, made me think of how I get fewer and fewer apologies. Sometimes he says he does not apologize since it doesn't mean anything to me anyway.

In reality, since his apologies are always made with the priority of soothing him with my acceptance of the apology, he figures he will save himself from the rejection of me not accepting the apology. And drive home the anger he feels that I won't accept it by pretending he is justified.

Cowardly.

OnawaMiniya

******************{Flicka}}}}}}}}}}

I'm so sorry, Hon, for your pain and suffering.

Wishing you peace of mind, comfort, love.

Wisconsin

My AH will issue an occasional apology. Funny how when he has "wronged" me and decides to "man up" and apologize, I am expected to accept the apology and move on from the bad behavior immediately, yet he can continue to bring up things from years and years ago all the time, regardless of whether I have apologized, and I get lectured on how he just "needs time" to get over things.

He's a Quacky McQuackerson, for sure.

Flicka57

Oops. . .my mistake
I actually remember one day I got an apology after I demanded it. I was looking away when he said it & my jaw probably dropped to the floor but when I looked up his back was to me--funny thing though, he was standing in front of a glass door and I could see his reflection and he was making faces like a 5 year old would do when forced to do something. I was shocked seeing that reflection of a 59 year old man doing this! Oh god please help me to get over this & let me see him do all this crap to the next one who was seeing him while we were married. I have lost my faith in everyone & even though I never get asked out I think if some poor soul were to even come near me right now I think I would probably beat him up! My trust is gone when someone cannot even apologize for the hurt they caused.

healthyagain

When he says he loves me, I honestly do not know why he even says that. Does he love the enabler in me? Possibly. I kinda love certain moments we had together, but now I can see how I was trained to give up many many things so he could stay at home and drink. He wants me to believe that that is NORMAL. He can actually ignore me for days. But it was funny yesterday, him stomping, slamming doors, doing things that generally annoy me (being loud, cursing), and I did not move. I did not even tell him to stop. Nothing.


So this morning, that crappy "I love you" was pretty much expected, but just did not work.

NorCaliGal

My ABF has only recently begun apologizing. Which I do actually think he means. I think he is beginning to realize the impact of his actions and choices have on me.

But he will also excuse his behavior by saying "...but that's okay." As in "I didn't make it that AA meeting I said I'd go to, but that's okay." Ummm, no actually it's not okay, what it is is not responsible.

LadyinBC

You are very right. I told my daughter everytime that "I was sorry and would quit" and of course I didn't quit and deep down I was just sorry she caught me drinking. So pretty soon, it didn't mean anything when I said it.

At the end they were just words, they meant nothing to her.

BoxinRotz

I've heard so many apologies and some heart felt ones that I thought were meaningful til one day I had heard enough of them to know he couldn't sell sh!t to a sewerage plant. I told him, I wouldn't believe you if your tongue came notorized.

OnawaMiniya

Good one.

Today, while AH was spewing out some bs, I said,"Your word is gold....plated."

It literally means nothing.

NWGRITS

Apology? What's that?

Yeah, my AM has never uttered one of those to me in the 30 years I've been on this earth, so I'm not expecting one any time soon. As far as she's concerned, I really am a financially draining wh*re and a mistake. She never hesitated to tell me so when I was growing up. Of course, I've been NC with her for over a year, so even on the off chance she did want to apologize to me, I would send her call to voicemail. Her emails go straight to the circular file. She's a narcissist though, so my expectations are practically nonexistent where she's concerned.

fourmaggie

I AM HIS PROBLEM....

Mightyqueen801

I once took a humor writing class. The teacher quoted a writer who once said that all humor is born of pain.

After reading this forum, I believe it. Some of you who have lived with such pain are absolutely hilarious! And I appreciate that.