notthemaid64

Well...Not sure if you'll remember me but I first wrote some of my story on Saturday (20th)...since then I have tried to learn as much as I can about this program & have also dealt w/ my alcoholic boyfriend. I had tried to break w/ him several times in the past. He called me again @ 3 am Sat night, drunk (of course) & I told him he could come over but I was not going to talk while he was drinking.
When he woke up the next day (2:30 in the afternoon) he was totally different. Told me he wasn't going to quit drinking for anyone, I was the one w/ the problem, etc....he made me so MAD...I told him it was time to go home...he actually thought I was going to give him a ride...I told him "There's the phone, call a cab!"
I felt so good! I don't know where it came from because I had been so upset in the past over him. (I'm not 100% yet but at least I know I'm feeling less hurt over it)
He said I was f...... up & needed a shrink! Why is it they need to blame everything on everyone else. I had explained it hurt to see him so drunk all the time & I didn't want to drink or live like that!
Just thought I'd get your insights.
Thanks for listening.
V

Debbie

Hey Notthemaid

Good for you!! You need to help yourself. I think our A's try to blame everything on us so they can justify their drinking, I was never good at anything according to my A - when he is drinking. When he is sober, he is a kind, loving, complimentary person. My problem was I always thought it was my fault and I was to blame for everything. Took me a long time to realize I wasn't to blame and not every thing was my fault. I was a good person and needed to get help for myself. Coming to this board and going to al-anon meetings have made think better of me. It helps that hubby is sober and not disrespecting me all the time also.

Oh well, no great words of wisdom here but I can relate to your story.

Keep coming back and keep posting, it helps!!

Many hugs
Debbie

smoke gets in my eyes

Hello V-!
When Dino told me I was crazy, I said his presence in my life was the best evidence of that.

I'm so pleased you made him call a cab!

Hugs,
Smoke

nut_meg

I think you are so brave! It is so hard to look someone you love in the face and tell them to leave (or that you are leaving). It seems to be the hardest thing to put your own self intrest first. I have not been able to do that, I get washed uo in a see of guilt and when my A says I am crazy that I need profesional help or that I am evil and trying to ruin his life it goes right inside me and eats away at me.
Thank you for doing what you did, thank you for having the guts and giving me someting to aspire to.

ducky

I can relate somewhat to your story. My boyfriend had been at least "trying"... going to meetings, etc. for a few weeks. He left me last week, (my first post here) but of course, the next day I was right back feeding what I call "my" addiction.

I do consider myself an intelligent woman, and I DO make sure I take care of myself first (no. 1). The point at which I get sucked in is any time he is sober, and we talk, and he swears he does not want to do this anymore (until the next time). I am having such a hard time believing most anything that comes out of his mouth.

Anyway, he explained recently that he does not wish to go through the program, and does not think he has been "drinking" irresponsibly, but "behaving" irresponsibly. He has great difficulty with some of the beliefs in the program. He had worked it before (6 years clean and sober). I swallowed this with difficulty. I know I cannot change him, I cannot accept him when he is drinking. He has never blamed me for any of it though, and that is where my similarities with some here end.

This has been a new experience for "us"... he has only begun to drink like this for the past 3 or so months.

I admire your courage and your strength in what you did. I believe that would be a GIANT step in my own humble opinion. May I be as cabable when/if I need to be.

Regards,
Marie

helluvagalnva

Way to go!!!!! You're standing up for yourself. It felt really good too, didn't it? I know the first time I stood up to my A I was scared but afterward I felt sooooo good. From that moment on he realized that I wasn't going to put up with BS anymore.

Then he started with other tactics to bring me down and suck my in. He is a master of manipulation but I'm on to his games now.

Hang in there! I know it's tough but you are getting stronger and wiser everyday.

Hugs,
Galnva

CherylG

I can see your strength just reading your UserName. Love it. Hang tough. It's hard but set your boundaries and there will be nothing in life you can not face.