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Farther Boundries

Old 08-20-2013, 12:53 PM
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Farther Boundries

I had been doing really good in my boundries and not letting his addiction affect me. I came home from a lovely vacation with my son, all ready to be happy in the moment and not worry so much about the future.

I let XABF stay over a few days ( for some reason at the time I thought this was ok....) so he could spend time with our son. ( XABF/sons father , has no home, car or job as I type this, it is just sounding worse and worse) , long story short he spent a week with us, going through about 75-80$ of the 150$ of grocery I had just bought, and when I told him he had to go, the next day I go to grab some change from the change jar, only to find that when he left, he took our sons birthday money. 4 gold dollars his papa had given him, that was just too much, I lost it.

XABF says he "borrowed it" , I told him to look up stealing in the dictionary.

So all the while I thought I was making boundry progress, and being nice, his addiction once again proves me wrong. I feel like I am going in circles, and seems the only thing I can do is never see or talk to him again, how is that possible when we have a son together?

It has been a few weeks since that, and I still cant look at him, of course he thinks he did nothing wrong. I feel so so sad thinking about what could have been between us and I cant get passed it.

He is very sick and only getting worse, he has friends that help him get by and all act like I am the bad guy. His addiction has such a tight hold, he is going to die very soon I feel.

Im at a loss for thoughts, feelings, actions.....I dont want to be sad, angry and confused all the time anymore, and the one time I thought wasnt, his addiction was there to pull me right back to it.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 08-20-2013, 12:59 PM
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Oh, dear, I am really sorry you are going through this. How disappointing.

I think there is a big gap between allowing him to stay in your home and never seeing or talking to him again. It was easy for me to go No Contact with my XABF, we had no children together. But you don't have to let him stay with you. It is his responsibility to build a life that can include your son.

But it sounds to me like you are more still missing the relationship and hoping things would be different, and I get that. There is only one way past that, I'm afraid, and that's accepting him for exactly who he is right now, bad and good, and making decisions based on what you know, not what you wish for. Hugs to you. It's a sad place to be. Lots of folks here to listen.
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Old 08-20-2013, 03:54 PM
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Thank you, i thought that is what i was doing "I'm afraid, and that's accepting him for exactly who he is right now, bad and good, and making decisions based on what you know, not what you wish for." but i guess i was naive. i should have known better.... and that goes back to a great post i read about, something like , keeping score and holding it against the A, all the wrongs they did to you, when in reality you cant do that, its not worth it and gets ME nowhere. I am stuck there.... i am full of hate right now. that is why i come here.....i CAN look back , and see that i have gotten better, but i guess i am just impatient and want to be passed all this and not care anymore. thank you
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