MTSlideAddict

Beat me upside the head if I ever... think about going back. My niece and I packed our stuff tonight and are staying with my brother. I packed my dog and a bunch of clothes. This was my escape plan, and I finally put it in motion. I didn't expect my niece with me too, but she said she wanted to come. My brother and his wife welcomed us with open arms. It's a bit cramped with my niece here too, and I really hope that we don't over stay the welcome due to the lack of space. Honestly though, I think my niece will go back home when my AH is in the stage of trying to "prove" himself as changed, which happens every time I had tried to leave in the past. She'd have her own room again and lots of space, and not to mention avoid a long drive back and forth to school. Did I mention I stepped up and made the decision to front the rest of the money for a car for her? My husband didn't want to this, but when he failed to pick her up from work this last time I said that's it. Now she has a car. I'm pretty proud of making a bold decision without my AH agreeing.

The escape was a bit rough. My AH, who appeared to have not been drinking tonight a least not much, was begging me not to leave. He kept saying that he'll change and that he was sorry. He said that he didn't want to lose me, and that he was stupid. I told him that actions speak louder then words, but honestly I can't ever go back. I don't think any amount of time will heal the wedge between us.

It's been a rough day.

Seren

I'm so sorry, MT.

Many times, you just know it's the right time to change.

LexieCat

Hugs, MT.

I'm glad you are out of there--you've been so miserable. Your niece will be OK. She knows who the reliable adults are in her life, and if/when she goes back and it's too much for her, she will call on you.

It's gonna be OK, you are ALL gonna be OK.

MTSlideAddict

I had a panic attack this morning. Never experienced before quite a feeling. It was an awful wake up. I'm sure one step at a time thinking applies in instances as this. I felt like my world was caving in. I heard a ringing in the ears, and had a tremendence sense of overwelming loss. I couldn't breathe. I don't like that feeling. My dog and I stepped outside to breathe for a second. I'm better for the moment.

honeypig

I'm familiar w/these and I agree, it is one of the worst feelings ever. Just overwhelming. I was advised to keep reminding myself that it WILL pass, it's NOT permanent. As you said, just continuing to breathe mindfully can help--I also find that doing some simple task (wash dishes, sweep, etc.) that you can concentrate on will gradually take your mind off itself and you'll feel better w/o even really knowing how you got there. Talking to someone else (about anything at all!) seems to help me too.

So sorry this happened to you, but you will be OK, as others have said.

Lyssy

I too am familiar with panic attacks upon waking. These are absolutely horrid. I am so sorry that you had to go through that. When mine happen after first wake up, I am nauseated, my breathing is all off (short and quick), my stomach is upside down. It is terrible.

I completely agree with honeypig, take your mind to a completely different "world". If you can try and concentrate completely on a task or conversation. It may sound crazy, but try brushing your teeth one at a time, or refolding all the underware in your drawer. Anything to refocus your mind else where than on the attack.

Wavy

I had a very similar experience this morning, I left my ABF last night too. It sucks. Well done for making that hard choice for yourself.

dandylion

Dear MtSlide and wavy---here is a very simple but sure way to abort a panic attack: Take in a breath, as deep as you can.....and hold it. Breath out, with eyes closed, very, very slowly. While your eyes are still closed--let the breath out--a little at a time, while counting (in your mind). Try to get to four or five count....the more, the better. Also, sit in a relaxed position with your arms and legs as limp as noodles.

Repeat this as the anxiety fades away. Then--do as you were advised above. Focus your mind on ANYTHING else!!!!! Something very routine and repetative is good. A conversation about something else is good. The idea is to focus on something else--anything. Walking helps some people. Remember that nothing bad will actually happen. It is just your nervous system causing this.

dandylion

ShootingStar1

MTSlide and Wavy, I am so very very proud of each of you for taking this huge step to protect yourselves.

It is as if you were standing on the edge of a deep wide chasm of despair and devastation, so close to falling in and not being able to get out, and instead, you made the bold unthinkable leap to freedom, and now you are free.

Of course, you need to get your balance now, and re-orient yourselves to freedom. You only have to take baby steps now, one at a time; you've done the hardest part of all.

Having taken that leap a year ago July 4th, I can say that it was profoundly worth it.

You have courage, you've proven that. Now, you'll find that you have more resilience than you ever thought you did. I posted on the sticky "What is abuse" if you want to read my story for encouragement.

Take care, we are with you

ShootingStar1

firebolt

Dandylion is right on the breathing. I've had them too! Breathing works for me - so do exercise and meditation. I refused meds - and docs are happy to load us up with em.

Tuffgirl

Big hugs, MT. You WILL be ok, always remember that. This will not kill you, and you will be a lot stronger for it later on down the road. Understand this, like everything else, is temporary and will pass over time.

Peace,
~T

PippiLngstockng

Both of you, bravo. Welcome to the beginning of a more honest and peaceful life for yourselves.

I can tell you that for panic and anxiety, there's nothing like intense exercise to keep me calm, focused and positive. Plus, you look good and if the workout is hard enough, the rest of life in a given day doesn't feel so tough.

One day at a time.

Spinner-007

I've read this in the forum, and I think you finally may have hit this level:

When the pain of staying is more than the pain of leaving, that's when you'll do something about it.

God bless and keep you, your niece, and yes, your AH, during this hard time.

Boon44

Why do so many of us experience these panic attacks upon waking? I've been gone three months and still feel like this EVERY MORNING. Sometimes is takes me ALONG TIME to even get out of bed...like I'm frozen>>> What is this about?

lillamy

Big hugs to you. You've done a very hard part. Give yourself credit for that.

HopefulinFLA

I find that one of the best ways to head off and minimize panic/anxiety attacks it to take exceptional care of yourself. A well nourished, well rested, and exercised body makes for a much clearer mind. Also, just keep posting and talking about it, get it all out.

Congrats on taking the first brave step to a happier life, you deserve it!

fourmaggie

big hugs!
and BREATHE! your in a safe place...with your brother!

time to do more AL ANON meetings? ^^^^ i agree with above, this is the real time for SELF CARE...'no' when you cant, and 'yes' that you can....and 'can i get back to you when you?' when you are UNSURE!!...

dandylion

Boon44, with regard to your question about early morning panic attacks---I am no expert, but I can tell you what I have read in general.

In the body's normal cycle--cortisol (stress hormone) is highest in the A.M. It is lowest in the evening. This is because cortisol is intended to wake a person from a deep sleep.

If a person is already under a great deal of anxiety---the increased level of cortisol in the am would be enough to trigger the panic (anxiety) reaction.

That explanation made sense to me.......

dandylion

lizatola

Sending you big hugs today! Sometimes I have to tell myself to take it one second at a time, instead of one day at a time!