izzyrose05

My mom died on August 2, after three weeks of slowly withering away. My sister and I were at her bedside for the whole time. We took care of her, just the two of us and our stepdad too. The funeral is over and she has been interned back on the east coast. My sister went back home to NY. She is a mess, can't sleep, cries all of the time. My stepfather doesn't sleep, keeps thinking he has something to tell her. Forgets she died. But me, I'm fine. Ive gone back to work. I'm enjoying being normal again. I don't cry much at all about it. She was my only family here in the Midwest. Now just me and my daughters and my stepdad. Although honestly, not sure how long he will last without my Mom.

I feel like I should be a mess too. I loved her so much. She always saved the day when my life fell apart. I don't know why I'm not sad.

I guess I need to know it's OK that I'm not falling apart like my sister and my stepfather. They need me to be strong. Guess it's a good thing in a way. I can be there for them. But I feel like something is wrong with me for not being torn apart by grief. Why?

Dee74

I'm sorry for your loss.

I think different people have different reactions to grief and different timetables too.
I myself have reacted differently to various losses in my life.

I'm not sure there's a definitive OK or not OK reaction?

Only you can know for sure whether this is a healthy reaction for you or whether perhaps you're avoiding dealing with the reality izzyrose?

D

bobbysocks

Im so sorry for your loss. There is nothing wrong with you at all. Not everyone reacts to the same or similar situations the same way. I loved my father dearly. But I didnot fall apart when my then husband came and told me. my uncle couldnt reach me at work so he called my husband and had him come get me. I knew I had to stay strong at the time because my mother was pretty much helpless, so I had to take on that responsibility as well as making the arrangements, etc. You will grieve-in your own way and time. I did. Still do sometimes and its been 14 years now. Be kind to your self and remember the good things. God bless.

thislonelygirl

I think everyone deals differently. I have always been the one who would be a closet crier and I think my strength around others who fell apart helped drastically.
I am sorry for your loss and I think that because you arent falling apart you may be what y ou sister and stepfather need but keep in mind that you matter too and if you closet cry come to sr or pick up the phone and talk.

Springs

I am so sorry for your loss. My mom did not fall apart when her mom passed, though I could barely stand to get off the couch. We all mourn differently. Different reactions are no measure of the degree of love or loss.

OnawaMiniya

((((((((((Izzyrose))))))))))

Please don't be hard on yourself like this. I'm so sorry for your loss and pain. I think like others have said that everyone does grief their way. It sounds to me like you are actually hurting quite a bit and that your mind is protecting you at the moment. Sometimes when the pain is so big we go on autopilot to survive. We are in shock. We need time to process things.

It isn't that the pain isn't there. It's that is too big to handle at the moment.

Or as suggested above you are "keeping it together" while others fall apart.

Perhaps both. Perhaps something else.

Rest assured there is nothing wrong with your reaction to this loss. You love her.

Do you think some counseling might help?

Wishing you peace, and sending compassion your way.

Ann

I'm sorry for your loss. Grief comes when it comes, there is no forcing it nor denying it, it's a healing process and will come when you are ready.

I lost my mother 16 years ago and yet her spirit lives on in my heart, in my memories and I think of her every day.

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Hugs

izzyrose05

Thanks everyone. Think I just needed to hear others reinforce that whatever I am feeling is OK. Much appreciated. You guys really do help every time I post. I am eternally grateful!!

LovesVWs

It is totally OK! When my Dad died of cancer, I was just relieved it was done and life could resume again.

Glad to hear I am not the only one.

AnonK

It's is perfectly fine that you're not torn up with grief like your stepfather and sister, Izzy. There's nothing wrong with you and you need not feel guilty.

I think that part of you has prepared yourself for this emotionally while your mother was sick.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss, but I want you to know that it's okay. She's in a better place now -- no more pain, and she went surrounded by those she loved most in this life.