Charity409

By way of introduction, this is my first time posting on a site like this. What brings me here is that my 27 year old daughter called me at work yesterday and confessed that she is a severe alcoholic in need of immediate detox and rehabilitation. She called her father and admitted it as well. She said her husband of two years didn't know and she was telling him as soon as he came home and she wanted him to drive her to a treatment facility immediately. She has a 10 month old baby girl. I can't fathom how she was caring for my grand-daughter.

I knew she drank, and sometimes too much. But nothing like this. She is up to a handle of vodka a day, hasn't eaten in 5 days, her eye whites are yellow and she can barely function. She needs to drink every two hours or she throws up. My son in law knew about enormous amounts of beer and tried to push her into recovery which she continually resisted and lied to him about. He didn't know about the vodka. She had it hidden everywhere. But he could see she was getting more and more ill. He knew he had to let her get to a point where she knew she needed help.

I spent many gut renching hours on the phone with her yesterday bolstering her decision and trying to ward off anything that would make her lose her resolve. She was frightened to death to tell her husband. In the end he was relieved. I was on the phone with her as she walked through the doors of the facility. It was so hard to hear her sob and be so terrified.

I have no experience with this. I don't know when I'll be able to talk to her or see her again. I have no idea what she's going through. I have no idea what my role if any should be in helping her recovery. If anyone has any insight I would be grateful.

wolfpackfan45

Hi Charity409. My 22 year old son is a recovering alcoholic, and we didn't know how severe his problem was either until he landed in the hospital. I know EXACTLY how you're feeling right now, and I know how frightened you are also. You'll be going through a whole range of emotions for the next few months, and my best advice to you is to get to an Al Anon meeting near you as soon as you can. That helped me so very much. I had no clue how to approach his recovery and alcoholism in general, as no one in my immediate family had suffered from it. Most of the things I thought that I should do as a parent were exactly what I shouldn't be doing. It's a whole different kind of disease. Al Anon will help YOU get through this. Your daughter has to be in charge of her own recovery ,and unfortunately with addiction there is not much you can do to help her. That's the difference with this disease and the others people have. I'm glad to hear that she recognizes she has a problem and wants help. THAT is a good thing. Many are in denial, so she's one step ahead. My son asked for help too, and 9 months later he is still sober and is happy. Many rehabs have sessions for family members so that you can learn about dealing with alcoholism. If they offer those it would be good to go. Please know that you are not alone. I know the worry and pain you're going through right now. I felt like I was living in a nightmare and would wake up and it would all be over and okay. Unfortunately it was true and our lives are forever changed. But I'm a firm believer that good can come out of something bad, and real growth comes from difficult times. Hang in there.

honeypig

Hi, Charity--glad you found your way to Sober Recovery, and welcome. There are others here who have been in your shoes and who can offer you advice to help you thru this rough time.

My own suggestion would be to check into Alanon and go to a meeting sooner rather than later. Here's a link to help you find a meeting http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ and here's a link within SR to let you know what to expect when you get there http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ings-like.html

Do as much reading as you can here; there's a ton of information. Don't miss the stickied threads up at the top, including this one: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

Again, welcome--sorry for the pain and confusion in your life right now, and I wish you peace and clarity.

Charity409

Thanks for you quick response Wolfpackfan. I feel ashamed to an extent that I didn't see this coming. But I don't live in the same city and she hid it well when she visited. In hind sight she was reluctant to have me visit her. Now I know why. And it explains many other frusterating mysteries. She was unbelievably honest about all of it with my ex-husband and I yesterday. We were both floored.

I am grateful that she wants this recovery so badly. She would not be put off yesterday. When her husband came home she poured all the vodka down the drain forcing him to take her to the hospital immediately because without it she'd be in real physical trouble by morning. I'm so proud of her courage in reaching this decision and facing her tremendous fear.

I will find Al Anon meetings. I have to admit that if I have any reluctance it's because I live in such a small town. It's not about me being embarrassed. I feel like I'll be outing her because I work for the city in a very visible capacity and everyone knows I only have one child. But I can't think of that right now, I know. I need a road map.

Florence

It's a good sign that she realized the issue, asked for help, and accepted it immediately.

Do the reading, consider going to meetings, all of you.

Recovering2

Dear Charity, I give your daughter enourmous credit for coming clean with her family and getting help. That is not an easy decision for an alcoholic. Know that she is now safe and in the hands of the experts. For now, it's time to focus on you. When my BF was in treatment, I attended the family recovery program they offered, it was a huge help. If your daughter's program offers it, consider attending. My bf's plan included the cost for 2 people to attend.

I would also say find an Alanon group sooner than later. It will be important to you as you work through these emotions. As wolfpack said, so often we as family/loved ones do all the wrong things in dealing with this disease. We are well intentioned, but ill advised. AlAnon will help you learn how to deal with this in a healthy manner. Don't worry about the small town thing. First of all, you don't have to divulge who the A is. We refer to our alcoholic as our "qualifier". Also, don't forget...those people who are in the rooms live in that town too. You may well figure out who their A is. AlAnon is anonymous. Whatever is shared, and who ever attends is not discussed outside the room. It is a very safe place to vent/cry/share. Part of the problem of this disease is we feel shame, embarassment, etc and it keeps us stuck. That won't help you or your daughter.

I sincerely pray she is successful in her recovery. My BF is almost 9 months sober and has a new life. My brother has neve sought recovery, so I see that side too. BIG hugs to you.

Charity409

I thank all of you for the responses you've given. Good point about the Anonymous part. I'm going to ask my son-in-law about the family session thing. I have told my boss what's happening and he is extremely supportive. He has told me that if I need to take time off to go deal with this, I have complete support from him.

I've been reading some of the recommended threads. I feel better because I at least feel like I'm doing something. Thank you all again.

Hammer

Yep, mom.

The kid will be okay -- being smart and humble enough to head through the doors on her own . . . well, if you have read the boards here . . . THAT is a mighty fine start.

So come down to Alanon. A meeting every day somewhere, sometimes two or three.

*We* will be waiting for you and ready to help. That is what we do.

btw, Welcome Home.

You know where you are going?

http://niafg.org/AdvFind.asp

Hammer

BTW, another great praise on backing up the Son-In-Law, and you know he will likely need some help with the grand-daughter whether he admits it or not.

My MIL helped for part of a week while Mrs. Hammer was in rehab, and that was greatly appreciated. Now she is kind of Codie over Mrs. Hammer -- and "hates your (mine) Alanon," but that is okay too. Most everyone does the best they can at the time.

Yunno what, I am thinking I am going to send her a Thank You note for all she does, right about now . . . so thanks to you in that regard.